Rest in Peace Sweet One

I've had a weepy day. I'm a fixer and there are just so many things that I cannot fix. As I was wrapping up my workday, I took a look at the most recent posts on Facebook. A dear friend of mine posted that his grandson, who was a little over 2 months old, had passed in his sleep. My heart broke for the family. I cannot imagine getting a phone call telling me such news. I sent him my prayers and thoughts. In his reply, he asked me if I would draw a tribute. Something so tragic,  brings everyday situations into prospective. My prayers are with the family of Ivan Dean. May he rest forever in God's loving arms, and may his family find refuge under His wings.

Rest in Peace Sweet One

Psalm 91:4

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be you're shield and rampart.

As if they Never Were

Life has a way of weaving people in and out of our lives.  Life is in constant motion bringing us to different paths throughout the journey. The ebb and flow will bring us in contact with many people.  Sometimes our paths parallel with others for a time....  Sometimes forever. But often, our paths come together, than slowly take different directions, when sadly we no longer walk side by side. When that happens to me, I find myself saying.... "It is as if they were never a part of my life." But closer reflection reveals the tapestry life weaves. I see small highlights along the path we walked together. There will be a pop of color here, a highlight there, and beautiful hues in areas where they impacted my life the most.... Always with a color that is uniquely their own. When paths began to seperate, it is hard for the heart to accept. Whether our journey takes us far away, never to return, or whether our paths diverge again, they will leave behind tangible beauty in vibrant colors marking our time together.... Regardless of the amount of time I've had with them, they have added depth, color, and texture that only the human touch can bring. Their threads along with threads of others, will weave "The Big Picture" represented in living color. Don't mourn the loss of a relationship that takes a different path; rather celebrate the part they played in your life and the joy you experienced while you walked side by side living the journey together. Count your blessings at the creative beauty each one leave behind, and the memories you captured from time well spent. My life has been changed forever by these sojourn companions..... Their mark remains forever on my heart in a way it wouldn't  if they never were.

"Things Need to Change"

Life is a constant motion of change. You can love it or hate it, embrace it or run from it, but you cannot escape life changes. You may wake up one morning to find the sun shines a little less bright, the clouds hang seem a bit lower, and the breeze has a tad of a chill in it. Life is changing. When you don't feel the courage to change with it, just put one foot in front of the other. Soon you will find yourself walking from the past into the changing future. When you get there, don't get comfortable because like it or not, things will soon change.....  "Things need to change." And life goes on. Even when it seems like you can't possibly make the change, you'll go with it. Change isn't the end, it's the beginning of something new.

No Big Surprise

I'm generally a positive person. I'm not an optimistic person, but neither am I a pessimist. I would say I fall squarely in the realm of being a realist (insert deep sigh here). I intentionally try to stay grounded in a realistic frame of mind, because there is nothing I detest more than being disappointed (that statement should be in all caps, but I hate to be rude and scream on my blog) Disappointment is extremely hard for me to take which isn't a good thing; life if full of disappointment. This morning I was scolding myself over a situation that I was thoroughly disappointed about. I was talking to myself (I'm very entertaining) and I said...... "Why in the world are you disappointed???  (I think I called myself a Moron) This is exactly the outcome you expected.... Why the surprise and disappointment?" That's when I realized that although the outcome was what I expected and planned for..... Deep down, in the secret places of my heart, buried so deep that I didn't know it was there, was the slightest glimmer of hope that things would turn out differently and I would be pleasantly surprised.... Amazed even. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If that is true, I should make reservations for a nice white padded room.  

Cutest Baby Ever

Not bias at all, but this is the cutest baby EVER. Look at those little nibblet toes.... I could just eat them up. And check out the little chompers. I've made this pic my screen saver at work and on my phone because I just can't get enough. Label me a super proud Lolli!!

Sanctuary

Shadows fall between the time when night turns into day. As moon beams fade and dreams dissolve leaving empty space. The recessed walls surround the place where memories are hidden. A sanctuary of the heart, the entrance forbidden. Cloaked in shadows, pierced with pain, beneath a sky of blue. Frozen clips provide a sacred glimpse of me and you. Fragments filter like grains of sand, held in capsuled time... Tumble through the chambered halls of a heart once known as mine. Each grain of sand, each teardrop shed, is filled with something sweet. Moments spent in careless fog that flood the whole of me. When daylight dawns as daylight does, and lifts the sleepy veil. All that's left behind the mind are scars that tell a tender tale.

Unfathomable Love

The door to The Refuge apartment complex opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of my oldest son. After a quick hug, a friend of his who frequently joins our Sunday family time, walked by and gave me a quick hug. In the hallway,  3 women, my daughter-in-law included, stood around an open closet. As we approached, I saw my grandson and another toddler exploring things inside the closet. It was a communal toy closet. Levi was sitting on the floor gnawing away on a Darth Vadar toy. The toddler turned and jabbered to Levi in typical toddler gibberish. My daughter-in-law looked at us and explained that he had his own language. I sat on the floor and watch as the two interacted and practiced the art of "sharing", which is so difficult at that age. Levi finally looked up and gifted me with a sweet smile. This child has absolutely no idea how thoroughly he is loved by his LolliPops. My hands lay quietly in my lap, but my fingers itched to pick

him up and kiss him all over. Another part of me could have just sat there all day watching him learn to interact in his environment. Is it just me, or is watching your grandchild the most mesmerizing experience in life? Sometimes I feel guilty because when Levi is in the room, everything and everyone else fades into the background.  Nothing exists but him. Is that a bad thing? I lay in bed at night and wonder what kind of relationship we will have. Will he know me.... I mean really know me? Will he come to look forward when he hears LolliPops is coming to visit? Every fiber of my being prays that I have a relationship with him that I did not get to have with my grandparents. I was one of dozens of grandkids to grandparents who were already elderly when I was small. Being one of many, I intentionally desired for my kids to have a closer relationship with my parents. What will the future

bring for lil Levi and me? We were in town for my son's birthday/Father's day. We loaded into our cars and headed for the restaurant. Levi is a good natured guy, but he is also a busy little bee. We take turns walking around with him while we eat. Staying in one place is not his idea of a good time. When it's my turn to walk with him, I go to the front of the restaurant and we look outside at the people and cars. He studies everything intently. A restaurant worker caught his eye as she changed the liner of the trash can. He stared so intensely, I swear I could almost see and hear the little gears in his head, taking it all in and figuring it all out. When we got back to our seat, his mom gave him a little piece of tomato. He sucked it into his mouth and began to gum it. When he swallowed it, he looked at us with a great big grin, knowing that he had done something amazing and looking for the reward of our happy faces and cheers. he would wrinkle up his little nose and make funny faces as my heart did back flips and summersaults. It took every bit of restraint to keep me from standing on my chair to announce to the restaurant, that they were in the presence of greatness which also happened to be my grandson. I knew such behavior would not have been looked upon favorably by my children, so I just sat there and took pictures, hoping to capture the moment... The expressions... The wonder... The joy! When we got home from our visit, I thought about how he is like a sponge,  soaking everything up, taking everything in, filing everything away, processing every sight and sound like a massive mother board from some advanced civilization beyond my imagination. This must be how God feels about us... If his love for us is half as much as mine is for this child, then it is beyond my comprehension and grows with each passing day. It... is..... Unfathomable.

Some Elbow Grease Required

We snuggled under last night after a day of cleaning and painting. We took Daddy along to help my daughter move from her apartment into a house owned by my Son. The last few years the house had been rented by college boys. My daughter is military OCD and without going into great detail, the condition of the house was not vacated with her standard of clean. When I called to see how the walk through had gone, my son said.... "Well, not too bad, she just has a blank look on her face. I hung up the phone and told my Dad... "the blank look comes just prior to a total meltdown. Seconds later my cell phone rang and I

answered it to sobs of hysteria on the other end. Without her saying a word, I assured her there wasn't anything so dirty that it couldn't be cleaned and told her the rescue team was just minutes away.  When we got to the house, the curb was piled with loads of stuff that had been left behind. We took a deep breath, donned our rubber gloves and dived in. She was out getting supplies. When she pulled up I went out to greet her. She opened the door and started to apologize.... "I feel so bad that after the week you've had, you're here helping me. I assured her we were fine. Papa never sits still anyway,  if he wasn't cleaning at her house, he would be cleaning at his house so basically we're doing the same thing just in a different location. "Remember" I assured her..."don't look at how things are, look at how they can be." Everything will eventually be in tip top ship shape, it will just take a lot of elbow grease and a positive attitude.

Over the Moon for Under the Sea Whale of a Baby Shower

I had the pleasure of being a hostess for a baby shower of "One of my kids" this weekend. One of my friends boys, is all grown up, married and expecting their first baby. When one of "The Girlfriends" have a grand baby, I get as excited as I expect I will when I have a grand baby. The thing I enjoy most, is showering the people I love when they have a life changing event take place.
Along with 8 other women we put together "A Whale of a Baby Shower" for the sweet little couple. Mommy and Daddy are using a whale theme for the nursery so that's what we went with for the shower. Mommy's sister (soon to be a new aunt) made some adorable banners and wall hangings for the nursery which we used to decorate with. Back in the day, I

used to watch the Christopher Lowell decorating show, where he
preached the importance of lifts and levels in decorating. The Everything is a Dollar Store proved to be my new best friend when looking for a way to spice up the under the sea table. Using clear glass vases and clear plastic platters I made tiers for cupcakes, cookies, fruit and veggies. I filled the vases half way with blue play sand and a handful of seashells,
hot glued the platters to the vases and Wall Laa, we had pedestals and tiers for $2.00 each. When I want to do another themed party, I can just heat the hot glue, remove the sand and shells and refill the vases with something to go with the new theme. I pilfered a friends house for sea shells big
and small and a light house table for nothing but pure pleasure. I sprinkled broken sea glass around the table like confetti and that's all she wrote on decorating the under the sea table. Other hostesses brought whale shaped cookies and whale decorated cupcakes, both of which were too pretty to eat (well almost). The shower of gifts included a belly cast (courtesy of the hostesses), a daddy diaper bag so dad can preserve his manhood while still styling and profiling his chic self and a box o'bow ties because apparently someone expects this baby boy (who is already too big for his britches) to be an engineer ( God help us)!!!!  Seriously someone should of clued me into that little tidbit, I would have made a box o' pocket protectors to match the bow ties. In lieu of cards, we asked everyone to use a story book and write a sweet sentiment on inside cover. A basket of diapers were provided for each guest to write a little note on to make late night diaper changes a little more interesting. While the cute couple unwrapped their gifts, guest marked items off of their Baby Bingo cards. the one who had the most stickers won a gift from Bath and Body Works. We also played "The Price is Right" to see who had the most "How Much Does it Cost" knowledge. We had a Whale of a time whale of a good time showering this couple with love and good wishes. My theory on life is this.... If you want your life to be wonder filled, fill your life with wonderful people. The Smith family has filled my life with so many wonderful memories, a Whale of a baby shower was a way to give back just a smidge of the joy they have brought into my life.

The One Next to You

The volleyball hit the ground and bounced over the fence for the third time. All four of the women erupted in snorts, giggles and belly laughs. Our men on the other side of the net, stood quietly composed (like they always do), as one of them went around the fence into the neighbors yard to retrieve the ball. The longer it took, the harder we laughed. We laughed and laughed and laughed until I thought I was going to spew the hamburger I had just eaten. We must have looked like a group of the three stooges trying to play volleyball with each one making excuses for missing the ball due to... "My bad knee, my bad hip, my sore side?" yet there we were, causing a neighborhood ruckus and playing with childish abandonment

(which is what keep you young). With the four of us doubled over in laughter, gasping for breath  and trying to maintain bladder control, one of the girls said.... "We've been through a lot together." No truer words were spoken. We've raised kids, dealt with toddlers, teens and college, We've worshiped, wept, vacationed, supported each other during times of convalescence, encouraged each other through difficult times, cheered each other on in new endeavors, complained, fought and faced each triumph and trial that life has thrown in our path with what I'd like to say was elegance and grace, but truthfully much of it was done barely holding on by our finger tips (or so it seemed). The thing that has kept us moving forward was knowing we weren't alone. Much like volleyball, when the life aims the ball at you and you're not sure you can get it, it's good to know the one next to you has it covered.

The Bitter Sweet Taste of Change

Seth catches the garter

One of our boys got married this week. Not one of My boys, but one of the boys that feels like mine (does that make any sense at all). I was doing just fine until the music started and then the tears took over and the chill bumps ran up and
down my arms. How could it be that they are all grown up adults now,taking wives and having children? It's absolutely what you're shooting for when you
become a parent, to see your children grow into functioning adults, but then watching it actually happen, rips a tiny bit of your heart out. I had this sudden urge to stand up and shout "Stop! Let's rewind back a few
years when you were just a wee one and let me pinch your cheeks again." Yeah, that wouldn't be inappropriate at all at a friends wedding, so I sat there biting my tongue until I was pretty sure a steady stream of crimson blood was running down my chin, but no, it was just tears. Sweet, bitter, happy and sad tears, all at the same time. Life is truly a complex mixture of

all of the above and it leaves a salty taste on your lips as you
kiss the past goodbye and smile hopefully into the eyes of forever.

The Tapestry of a Beautiful Life

Life has a way of throwing things at you that you simply cannot prepare yourself for. Unlike made for TV movies, fairy tales and soap opera's, we aren't handed a script when we are born. We can't edit out the parts we don't like, we can't go back and do re-takes and we can't flip to the back of the script to see if we want a different ending. Unlike Reality TV, life is real and we never know from one second to the next what the next breath will bring and sometimes the next breath takes your breath away.  I've had a few moments that have hit me square in the gut.   During the times I've found myself in the whirlwind of uncertainty, all  I could do was throw myself at the foot of the cross and pray that somehow God would deliver me.  Instead, he took me through the eye of the storm and let me tell you.... I did protest much! There have been times, I've felt like a small child throwing a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming and wanting it my way... The way I had planned it. God had a different plan. When the verdict comes in, grace takes over and in spite of how I behaved, God had a plan. It's easy to be tossed on a sea of guilt and shame of could have, would have, should have, but that doesn't change the past. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and handle life with more grace, more poise, more faith!  Life really is a tapestry of the good, the bad and the ugly. One side of the masterpiece is a mass of knotted tangles where life intersects your dreams in an way that isn't always neat and tidy. On the other side of the tapestry you have the vignette of a beautiful life. Which side of the tapestry you choose to admire, is totally up to you.

Scars Tell a Story

Saturday is my cleaning day.... Has been for years. I usually have till noon to myself which gives me time to crank up the radio and tackle my dust bunnies. We have been blessed to live in a very old house that was built in 1927. Fortunately the house had been occupied by the same owners for 50 years when we bought it. Unlike a lot of home of that age, the interior of our home remained pretty much untouched by "updates". The original oak trim remain unpainted, the oak floors with walnut inlay remain intact. The house was even fortunate enough to have the original light fixtures throughout much of the house. Except for the kitchen area which we reconfigured, we have been very reluctant to change anything of substance in the house. When doing the kitchen our main priority was when it was completed it look as if it was still original to the house. We really feel more like guardians than owners. So, every Saturday I get up close and personal with my hardwood and tile. There are many, many scars on the floors, nicks on doors here and there that we haven't "fixed" because something about those nicks and scratches seem to tell a story... Not only about us, but about the time before we lived here. That's what we love about old homes. The history they hold in the walls, the architecture, the floors. When we were buying the home, the Grandson of the owner showed us through and explained some of the scars that were apparent on the hardwood floors. Something about those stories just make it impossible for me to "fix" the flaw which in my mind would cover up the story. It takes a special kind of person to live in an old house. Someone who is comfortable with the past and can over look the less than pristine. Some days I would love to come home to a nice new home with carpet and central heat and air. But on Saturdays when I'm cleaning my drafty home and dusting the endless nooks and crannies, I cherish the old and I look at the scars as works of art from a generation passed. My heart is a little like the hardwood floors in my home.... It has a lot of nicks, scratches and scars. Each scar tells a story and is a testimony that life goes on, regardless of what happens, life goes on. It also gives me hope that although my heart may not be pristine and flawless, it is a work of art and an expression of a faithful God who never promised we wouldn't have hurts, but has the ability to weave each and every hurt into a tapestry that tells not only our story, but the story of His love for us.

Glimpse of the Inner Child

Ever have one of those moments where you catch a quick glance of your inner child or the inner child in someone else? Those are the times I'd like to grab hold of and keep in my pocket. My inner child comes out when I'm playing in the ocean waves. Something about the way the water swirls around my ankles and tickles my toes just makes the little girl in me bubble to the surface. Sometimes I see the inner child in my daughter when she taste something yummy, or in my youngest son when something amuses him and catches him off guard. This weekend I caught a glimpse of my oldest son's inner child when I put my electrode massager on his neck and turned it on. He wrinkled that nose of his,scrunched up his shoulders and giggled like the boy he used to be. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, I envisioned him barefoot and rumpled playing with his sister and one step shy from getting into some kind of trouble. You just gotta love catching a glimpse of that once in a while.

Task at Hand

While headed to another department with a handful of papers, one slipped from my hand. I reached to grab it before it landed on the floor. The first attempt was a failure, but caused the paper to be swept higher in the air. I did an ever graceful (not) ballet as I tried to fetch the paper as it floated up and away from me. Finally I managed to trap it against my body to gain control. I quickly looked around me to make sure no one had witnessed the Lucile Ball moment. Assured that my dance had not been seen, I continued on. I thought to myself... Things have away of getting away from you. Hanging onto your senses, your self-esteem and your core values can sometimes be an awkward dance. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of this world and easy to be distracted by things that have no eternal value. Keeping a focus on what really matters is the task at hand.... At least for me.

The Dark Dance

I went to get my nails done this week and my friend gave me a belated birthday present. Since I was still a little tacky (not attitude, just the nails), I asked her to open it for me because I couldn't wait to see what it was. She opened it up and it was a framed print that said...

Gosh!!! I got tears in my eyes and I just gave her the biggest hug because she couldn't have gotten me anything more perfect. I won't retell the story, if you wish to read it you can find it at....
http://tbirecovery4sp.blogspot.com/  Let's just say last year was a difficult year. In fact it was so clumsy and awkward it makes even my skiing look graceful in comparison. If you've ever been fortunate enough to see me ski, you would understand what a statement that truly is. My favorite ballet is the Nutcracker. I would go see it every Christmas if I could. Last year had it's ups and downs just like a ballet. It was a roller coaster of emotion, events and drama. I wish I had been a more graceful dancer, but then again if I were graceful, I wouldn't have a story to tell. As Momma would say, "It looked like a bull in a china cabinet." Looking back from this side, I realize more and more just how dark it was. Thankfully I wasn't left out on the dance floor alone and it wasn't the final act of the ballet. I stumbled into His arms last year and did a dark dance in the shelter of His love. I'm living in daylight now and yes, I'm ready to dance, but this time I think I'd rather break out the disco ball and boogie down.

Ecclesiastes 3:4

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance
  

Outta the Rabbit Hole and Into the Light

"I forget what is behind me and reach out to what is ahead of me.

 Like a man running a race, I try hard to reach the line so that I will receive the prize. Because we belong to Christ Jesus, God is calling us to receive this prize that he has for us in heaven."

And so it begins....

     I have a hard time letting things go. I am an emotional person! Not only do I feel each and every emotion, I feel them with an intensity that quiet frankly should be outlawed. Oh how I wish for a numbness to sweep over me so that emotions are just vague and understated. For the last 10 months and 26 days my emotions have been in hyper drive mode (in addition to my normal hyper drive personality). The doctors tell me it is normal but I assure you it does not feel normal. Today I have determined to not let my emotions rule me any longer. Yes, I may still be in healing mode and yes, there may be times when I can feel the fabric of my mind fusing together with hot iron intensity, but it is getting better and better it will be today!!!! Somewhere deep inside is the old me and I am determined to find her and bring her back. Some say it is out of my control but they dont' know how determined I am to feel like myself again. Who knew that a rabbit hole would cause so much inward pain while leaving the outside unscathed (typed as tears run down my cheeks)? I've tried hiding, it doesn't work. I've tried pretending (I'm really no good at it), I've tried medicating (take two pills and call me in the morning), the morning always comes (lather, rinse, repeat). So my new strategy (or is it strategery, LOL) is to forget (I've been really good at that the last few months), and reach out. Run the race like it's nobody's business, and make like a rabbit and jump out of the hole instead of crawling farther into the hole. Outta the rabbit hole and into the light.... Let's see how Alice does with that.

Birthday Fun & Lifetime Memories

Last evening I had the pleasure of celebrating a good friends birthday with other good friends. With our busy schedules, sometimes it's hard to carve our "friend time". A birthday is the perfect opportunity to carve out that time and make some memories. Although the celebration only included shopping at Sam's and dinner, memories were made, belly laughs were enjoyed and the precious bonds of friendship strengthened. We have had the 

distinct pleasure of raising our children together. They are the same ages which has given us the added benefits of going through the different transitions as one by one the older ones left home. We struggle together to keep the lines of communication open with the ones left in the nest and who now feel like the only child. We have laughed together, cried together, prayed together, played together,rejoiced together and have mourned together. The greatest joy of all is getting to transition to the next phase of life together (even though we are fighting it tooth and toenail). Life's journey is just more fun when you share it with others on the same road. Having a friend to travel with makes the unknown a 

 little less scary and the good times are a little sweeter when shared. Happy birthday Lin!!!  You are the sister I never had, and my shoe fetish friend.You make a lousy accountability partner when it comes to my shopping and budget,but you have made a difference in my life and the life of my family. It's my pleasure to call you not just friend, but family because that's what you are to me.

Fall Changes Things

I look outside and the weather is wonderful. Slowly but surely the cool winds of fall are chasing the stifling heat of summer away. Soon the leaves will change to brilliant colors before they fade and drop to the earth to be recycled by nature. I feel a hope deep inside that I usually feel during the spring. This year has been difficult in many ways. I've watched a friend walk through the recovery of breast cancer. My husband has struggled with the release of a ministry he had spent years pouring his heart into, and I've fought to keep my head above water as I've recovered from my head injury. I thought about all of these things as I sat in the car and felt the sun warm against my skin and the cool breeze blowing my hair. Things change.... It's just a fact of life. You don't have to like it and you don't have to see it coming... But come it will. Sometimes change comes slowly like the fading of the leaves. Sometimes it comes like a tidal wave on the beach, knocking you flat; but change will always come. Some changes are easy to wrap your mind around, others shake you to the core of your soul. Some changes come for the better, while other changes seem bitter and cruel.... Some, a mixture of both. I know that the changing of the color on the trees, leads to a time when they will  soon look barren and drab. It's necessary for them to shed their leaves so they can spring to life with new growth.... New hope. Perhaps that's why I've felt a little melancholy about fall. In some ways I feel like my leaves have faded and are beginning to shed. I'm preparing myself for the bleak days of winter, but I know that new life, new hope and a new season is just ahead. What's the saying.... "Out with the old, in with the new." I know something exciting is just around the corner and I've gone through these changes in order to prepare myself to be blown away in a wonderful way by life! Yes, fall changes things.

A Splash of Crimson.... Only God Knows

An artist fond of pastels painstakingly selected her colors for the painting she would create… The softest of pinks, the palest of blues, with hues of lavender and green. With a gentle touch, a whimsical picture began to unfold. Under a sky filled with puffy white clouds stood a cottage with gingerbread trim. Children played on the lawn, carefree and happy on a perfect spring day. The painting was just as soft as she envisioned it would be. A few finishing touches and she would be done. Suddenly a loud rapping pierced the solitude of the moment jarring her from the dreamlike state. She opened the front door and found herself face to face with a faceless stranger. Without invitation the stranger strolled past her and walked over to the painting. With disbelief she watched as the faceless stranger tossed something on the painting. Crimson ran down the canvass distorting the soft lines of the landscape. Without a word the faceless stranger turned and walked out the door leaving her breathless and broken. She had spent a lifetime creating this painting. Each and every color was chosen with care. Just that quickly it had been changed. What was she to do? Could it possibly be salvaged? How could she possibly incorporate the harsh crimson with the soft pastels together in the same painting? It must be done or the painting would be trashed. With uncertainty she began to work the canvass. A brush stroke here, a smudge there and a new, yet lovely picture began to emerge. Splashes of crimson on the wings of a butterfly stood out against the blue sky. Red tulips edged the walkway up to the cottage. Splashes of crimson on a pastel canvass brought texture and depth to a painting that had been planned to perfection. Certainly crimson wasn’t the color of choice, but it did add something to the painting.  She stood back not really understanding why her picture had been changed, but she accepted the changes and even had to smile at the irony of contrast between what she had planned and what now was. Sometimes life without warning will add a splash of color to your painting and all you can do is incorporate the color so that something of beauty emerges from something of pain. Only God knows…..