Our God is FAITHFUL

An urgent knock sounded at the front door. We welcomed two precious friends we have known for years. We sat and talked about our children who have been best friends since before they were born. We met when we were both expecting and they were born within months of each other. They have remained true and steadfast friends regardless of time or distance. Now they both struggle with the awkward time between being a child and truly being an independent adult. Our friends hearts were breaking because they just learned that the child they have loved and raised in a loving Christian home, was declaring himself agnostic. I didn't gasp in amazement or shock, as our son had made the same declaration a couple of years ago. I remember clear as day when he told me he didn't believe. As he said the words I could tell he expected a fierce reaction.... He didn't get one. I simply shook my head, nestled back into the couch and said.... "That's fine. I trust that God will reveal himself to you in His time."  I remember him looking at me like.... "That's it? That's all you're going to say?" He expected outrage, he expected anger, he expected shock.... All he got was.... "God will reveal himself to you." I could tell thought my reaction was anticlimactic. It wasn't, it was and is my genuine belief that each person must at some point seek out their own salvation. We have to know, that we know, that we know, to the very core of who we are, not because of how we were raised, not because of where we went to church, but because God has revealed himself to us in a real way that calls our hearts to him. To our friends, the shock was still fresh and it was new.... Painful. As a parent, the immediate reaction is to blame ourselves..... "Where did we go wrong? What did we do, or not do right?" My husband and I have already tumbled down that path until I finally come to this understanding. Our son was born on October 19, 1994. Christmas fell on a Sunday that year and on Christmas morning my husband and I stood before the alter and gave this child that he had entrusted to us back to him. We vowed to raise him in our faith and to teach him God's ways. We have been faithful to that vow. We ensured that he was surrounded by others who were strong in their faith. We poured into his life and allowed others to pour into his life as well. I have not rescinded the vow I made. I have not removed him from God's hands, nor has God removed him. My son may run from God's presence,  but he cannot escape God's hand, nor his plan. At some point..... The Spirit will draw him. He may reach a very dark places before God reveals himself, but I am trusting that God WILL reveal himself. The foundation on which he was raised, is firm.... And it is sure. It may be shaken, but it will not shift.... It will not crumble. God's word says "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) My son may run, he may hide, he may deny, but the seeds that were faithfully sown into his life will not leave him. In God's time, those seeds will bear fruit. Until then.... We wait.... We pray.... We trust....  Our God is Faithful.

Invisible Warrior

The silence of the night swallows your screams

Nobody hears you

Every effort to move your laden limbs are futile

No one sees your struggle

You reach your hand to grasp one in danger

They slip right through your fingers

Cries of desperation echo back

They are swallowed by ears of stone

A flood of tears threaten to drown you

You cry alone

Instinctual fears cinch your heart

No one shows concern

               Pleas of urgent needs pour from your soul

               No credence given

               You are an invisible warrior

               The battle rages,

but your eyes are the only ones that see.

 There are people all around you, how can this be?

Every effort is made to make you doubt that which

cannot be explain... You. Just. Know!

Without the help of others, you battle on,

because that's what invisible warriors do.

              

Apron String Heart

I pulled into our driveway in my cyber green Beetle.  A tiny voice in the back seat asked.... "Momma, are you going to make me move out when I turn 18 like you did Sissy?"  A little piece of my heart broke as I explained to my 8 year old that mommy didn't make Sissy move away, rather she grew up and wanted to go to college..... "Well I'm never going to college, I want to stay here with you and daddy." I knew he was struggling with his sister's absence; with 11 years difference between them, she had been a mother figure to him, letting him sleep with her so "Bubba couldn't smother him in his sleep" like he teased him of doing. His teacher had told me he was struggling emotionally with her move. She said he came to school every day and told her exactly how many days left until he would see his Sissy again; kind of like a child whose father goes off to war. He was most comfortable when the entire family was safe and accounted for each evening before he went to bed. If they weren't, he would inquire as to the exact time they were expected back.... "I just rest better when everyone is home." he would tell me. I poked my head in his bedroom the other night to tell him dinner was ready. He sat on the love seat holding his game

controller, his girlfriend sat beside him. His face is a gingerbread brown from working his summer job, but it is the same face that stared thoughtfully out the car window when I picked him up from daycare all those years ago. His bedroom walls that had been covered with band posters and teenage mementos, has been stripped bare. Boxes and packing supplies are stacked in the living room, waiting to be filled. In a couple of weeks, all his worldly possessions will fill a U-Haul and spirit him away to the City to begin his adult (or almost adult life). I think on some level, I thought he never would grow up and

leave momma and daddy, but the pulling force of independence and the opportunity to live close to his siblings is stronger than this mom's apron strings. I'm still not sure I've recovered from having his sister and brother leave, and now I'm preparing yet again, to set the child I've nurtured and loved, loose in a cruel world that doesn't have his best interest at heart. "I've done it before." I tell myself.... "I can do it again." But part of me wants to chain him to the past and never let him go as the other part of me fumbles with the knot of my apron string heart.

The Language of Baby Love and Women

Our office gave a co-worker a baby shower this week. It's been a while since one of our own has had a baby, so we were all looking forward to it. The shower was held after lunch in the accounting meeting area. We all gathered with our pretty pink packages and anxiously awaited the arrival of the mommy to be. The majority of the women in the office are past the baby phase. Most are either raising teenagers or waiting for grandchildren. I'm not quite sure why, but none of the men showed up for the shower, which should probably be considered just plain rude :-) The mommy to be arrived in all her glory that comes with being pregnant. She is a beautiful lady. She seems excited about the big event, yet a little nervous since she has one other child and he is now 17. Yeah, that's a bit of a gap. A lot of things change in 17 years, especially baby equipment (that
could be taken more than one way LOL). She sat in the front and began to open the gifts. I wish I had the audio of the oohs and ahhh's said in unison every time she held up a darling outfit or a neat baby item. It sounded like a celestial song being sung in a language only understood by women. It's a language of excitement and joy created by the wonder of experiencing the sacredness of having held life within your womb. It's during times like this, when my mind goes back so many years ago.  I remember  waiting with anticipation for my little ones to arrive. I would sit in the empty nursery with a blanket or clothing, and imagine in a few short days the item being filled with a squirming bundle of beautiful joy. Oh how I miss those days.

Occasionally

Spring is springing all around which means every day is one day closer to the June wedding we are anticipating. The mailman delivered the invitation this week. When I came in from work, it was lying on the
 dining
room table. I practically had to pinch myself to believe I was staring at an invitation to my Son's wedding. Barefoot and tussled haired is how I still see him in my mind. The days fly by, the seasons change and you have to embrace each day and every season that God has blessed you with. There were days I doubted, but the day has come when I now know that yes... He will wear shoes... Occasionally.

But obviously not today

Perfect World

I sat on the front steps this afternoon and watched as the elementary school on the corner let out. Little ones with their backpacks on, tiny fingers clasped tightly in the hands of moms as they crossed the street to their minivans with booster seats... It all seemed so sweet and innocent and oh so far away.  Seems like in a perfect world you would be allowed to hold them tightly in your lap forever, never letting go... But in a perfect world you wouldn't have to worry about letting them go, because no one or no thing would mean them any harm. This isn't a perfect world and forever in my lap isn't possible... But oh if it were, all would be right...

"Be Sweet"

I have always told my kids... "Be Sweet" when I dropped them off at school or when they left to spend the night with a friend. I think all parents want their children to represent them well when they are out of eye shot. A Momma can always give a kid the eye that says 10 times more than anything a man could say with words, but when you're not there.... You just have to keep your fingers crossed and stay close to the phone just in case. So "Be Sweet" has been my official warning, along with "Make good choices". Earlier in the week I took my little Sailor to the doctor. I knew that they would probably have to dope her up before they began her treatment and flashbacks of when she had her wisdom teeth kept running through my head. My husband was bringing her home and she was totally looped out from the medication. He was guiding her up the front steps when the front

door opened. The lady who cleaned the house was there and had seen him walking up the steps. My daughter took one look at her and said... "I don't like you.... You're fired!" with the slurred speech of a drunken sailor. My husband (a man of few words) just smiled and rolled his eyes as he turned her in the direction of her room. So, when the nurse called her back the other day, I stood up, gave my daughter a hug and said... "Be sweet." She just smiled and promised she would try. Later when they called us back, she was curled up on the bed. I sat in the chair beside her bed and began feeding her ice chips. She looked up at me with those sweet little eyes (like she was 8 instead of 28) and said... "Momma, I wasn't ugly." It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about and she must have seen my confusion because she said... "The nurses said I didn't act ugly, I was sweet." Awe, she's still Momma's sweet little girl! No matter where she goes or how old she grows, she will always be Momma's little girl.

Glimpse of the Inner Child

Ever have one of those moments where you catch a quick glance of your inner child or the inner child in someone else? Those are the times I'd like to grab hold of and keep in my pocket. My inner child comes out when I'm playing in the ocean waves. Something about the way the water swirls around my ankles and tickles my toes just makes the little girl in me bubble to the surface. Sometimes I see the inner child in my daughter when she taste something yummy, or in my youngest son when something amuses him and catches him off guard. This weekend I caught a glimpse of my oldest son's inner child when I put my electrode massager on his neck and turned it on. He wrinkled that nose of his,scrunched up his shoulders and giggled like the boy he used to be. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, I envisioned him barefoot and rumpled playing with his sister and one step shy from getting into some kind of trouble. You just gotta love catching a glimpse of that once in a while.

Cycle of Influence

Yesterday I was thinking of how lucky I am to have such great kids. Two of them are now adults and #3 is on his way. It's such a blessing to watch how they have grown into their own identities, to watch them slowly develop into who they are today. Looking back I have to give credit to the multitude of people

who have influenced their lives. My kids have been blessed by being surrounded by the best. There are countless people who have influenced their lives from the time they were tiny tots to today. Babysitters who played with them, teachers who taught them, grandparents who loved them, an uncle who would wrestle them till his eyes bled, church family who counseled them, children's workers who guided them, youth leaders who admonished them, parents of peers who sat a good examples for them, coaches who challenged them, employers who depended on them and co-workers who befriended them. Countless people who touched their lives in small ways, ordinary ways and outstanding ways. Each touch adding to another, molding, shaping and helping them become who they are today. Most of those people have no clue the amount of influence they've had on them. Some of them did so intentionally, but others did so just by living their lives, doing what

they do every day without thinking twice about the words that were spoken or the deeds that were done. Wow!!! Makes you stop and think doesn't it. When I thought about all of the people who touched their lives,  it reminded me of the quote from Ronald Reagan....

"Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere as long as the policy you've decided upon is being carried out".

This seems like an odd quote to associate with parenting, but then again, if you change the word policy to values, it fits perfectly!

It may not have been said with parenting in mind, but it certainly makes sense. Values are important and the more people you have setting examples of your values to your children, the more likely they'll be to "get it". It was always funny to me how my husband and I could suggest something and our kids would think we were totally wacked out, but have someone else say the same thing, and suddenly it takes on a whole different tune.  Little did they know the voices all around them were echoing our values. I'll never credit myself for being a great parent, but I will give myself credit for making sure my kids were surrounded by people who were a great influence on them.  I wish I could reach out to each and every person who helped them become who they are today. The amazing thing is now they are the ones influencing others, who will influence someone else and the cycle continues.


Proverbs 27:

 ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
   

If Motherhood Was Easy, God Would Have Given The Job To Men

Oh gosh! Motherhood is a difficult journey regardless if you're the one traveling, or if you are watching someone else travel. I have a co-worker who is preparing to pack her baby girl up and move her several hours away. As a Mom who has had that same experience, it hurts. When you carry a child in your womb, nurture and protect it, give birth to it and then raise it...... You are wildly attached to it! I know many men would disagree but growing a child inside of you gives you a spiritual and physical bond men just don't have. That's not to say that men don't love their children, it's just very different than the connection women feel for their children (of course this is just a woman's view). I know when my two older children moved away I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and I was left with a gapping bleeding hole. Although I hurt, I rejoiced that they were physically, mentally and emotionally capable of packing up and leaving. Embracing my childs independence wasn't an easy task, but it was a necessary task.  After the fact I realized how blessed I am to have equipped my child enough to leave the nest, spread their wings and sore to heights that I have never seen.  My heart has ached for her as I've watched her prepare herself the last two weeks, in fact we have shared a few tears over it. But I know that she will live through this time, even if it is with a gapping bleeding hole and when she steps back to see how much her daughter has grown, that hole will be filled with pride at a job well done. I got your back Sister..... You will survive.