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Friday, October 23, 2009

AMBER GLOW


You are my morning light. Like the amber glow that
first fills the sky at dawn, so you have filled my life.
You are so much more than a dream come true;
You are love come to life.
You will always be my first.
With you I have grown, through you I have learned
And beside you I will walk. Gently I will guide you,
When necessary I will protect you and always I will love you.
Someday when the time must come I will let you go
And trust in the way I have lead and the way in which you have followed.
Though your paths you will solely seek, my love will always pursue.
Quietly I am here, waiting to give you hope, to encourage, offering shelter from the
Storm.

I truly believe that God took a little twinkle from the stars
and placed it in your eyes. With this twinkle will come your ability to succeed.
No tempest toss will ever sink your ship. Never will you face a mountain too tall
to climb, or a valley too deep to cross. Within your hands you hold all of the
keys to tomorrow. Like the extra twinkle that He gave you, He will likewise supply
extra strength that is needed to open your tomorrow
If upon Him you will depend.

Your capacity for loving will increase others capacity to love you. In loving others we teach them to love.
When taking the risk to offer friendship you never lose. If the offer of
friendship is denied, take heart, in offering you have tried, accomplishing what
most greatly fear. Out of your spirit of love will come your ability
to forgive. Forgiving those who hurt you allows you to grow...
In learning we grow.

In the twilight, as you look back on the dawn, may you feel the
warmth of love you have given me. My hope for you is that someday you will see the amber glow cast from the smile of your first child.
Through misty eyes you will touch life's most precious gift. You will have a new life, with new meaning and new goals. You will take this life so fresh and new
and to your bossom hold it. Then hand in hand you will both set sail
upon the waters that reflect the amber glow.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Happy Birthday Caleb


There is no greater joy in life than being a Mother. There is no greater joy in life than carrying a life inside of you, protecting it, nurturing it and then giving birth. The first moment you hear that little cry it's hard to describe the complete devotion that overwhelms you. 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes, little button nose and wrinkles in all the right places, perfection from the flawed; a miracle of miracles. 15 years ago today I experienced this for the last time. I remember cuddling Caleb up close to me and sleeping with him in the hospital, soaking in every precious second. In the blink of an eye it seems like the years have passed. I miss the cuddles but it's exciting to see the young man he is growing into. Happy birthday to my quiet one.... Love Momma

Friday, October 16, 2009

Mr. Sandman

Oh how I miss my Sandman!!! A couple of years ago a friend of mine gave me a hypnosis CD for weight loss. Actually it was a worthless piece of plastic for the advertised purpose, but for sleep it was amazing. I downloaded it to my Ipod and listened to it every night when I went to bed. At first the whole thing seemed silly and pointless but I stuck with it just knowing my thighs were dwindling away to nothing in my sleep and fully believing that I would wake up one morning with the body of a 20 year old (now that's what I call dreamin). The soothing voice of a man would have me relax every part of my body before he would guide me through a dense fog and down a large winding staircase. After about a week I realized that I would be fast asleep before I ever got to the staircase and if I happened to wake up at 3 in the morning like I usually do, I could just turn my little Sandman back on and through the fog we'd go into happy, peaceful oblivion waking the next morning feeling like a million bucks (sleep has that effect on me). I grew very attached to Sandman and took him with me where ever I went just in case I needed to go to my happy place. At lunch one day I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. I thought I would listen to Mr. Sandman while sitting in the massage chair and soaking my feet in the warm water. There really is not a better way to spend your lunch hour than in the pedicure chair. So I was sitting in the chair, soaking my toes with Mr. Sandman sitting in my lap. Through the fog we went, but there was just one problem. When I became fully relaxed my knees parted and my Ipod fell into the tub below. There I sat with my ear buds dangling from my ears and the sound of Mr. Sandman drowning in the Lilac water, and the little Chinese girl starring up at me in horror. I instantly jerked the Ipod out of the water, praying it wasn't fried. Once I got the Ipod dried out and somewhat working again, Mr. Sandman sounded more like A very drunk Dean Martin, slurring his words and taking me to indistinguishable places... not peaceful at all. Oh what's a girl to do?? I haven't slept the same since my little Sandman drowned...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Your Touch

Melodies of passion
That flow from your finger tips
Words of whispered devotion
Pour from your tender lips
Songs of love and comfort
Are coming from your eyes
Confessing such desires
And a love that never dies
Your touch does set me afire
Gently you kindle the flame
Your words soothe my fears
And make me fall in love again
The tenderness I see in your eyes
Brings joy unto my soul
Tonight I am consumed by you
And forever you're mine to hold

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Warm Blanket

Another gloomy day outside, but inside the sun is shinning bright! I started the week just like the weather on Tuesday…. Rainy, then sunny, then rainy, then sunny. All daylong I watched the weather outside change every 15 minutes like clock work. Emotionally my mood changed just as often. Just like the weather outside, inside I’d have a downpour but also just a speck of sunshine showing through the clouds. I couldn’t decide if I was happy, sad or a mixture of both. When I got home I couldn’t decide if I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and die or run to the moon. Some people might think I was a psycho, but actually I’m just female. Anyone relate? As if by magic the clouds inside rolled away Wednesday morning even though the clouds outside decided to hang around. It’s no coincidence that I got a call from my daughter that day. She is in an amazing (although scary) place seeing amazing sights. Just knowing she is ok made the doom and gloom go away. I miss having my girl around, miss having our girl talks, I just miss her, but that’s ok. Everything is going to be ok, after all no one ever died from missing someone. Today the fog outside is like a thick pea soup, but it kind of feels like a warm blanket has been wrapped around my heart.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Your Love

There are countless comforts
I find here in your arms
My soul does rest with ease
Your touch speaks softly to my heart
With you I am at total peace
Your eyes that sparkle with wonder lust
And beckons me to come
Tells my heart all it needs to know
Sings praises of our love.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Change Of Focus

I’ve been working the last several months on learning to run. I know that probably seems weird, but I’ve never been much of an athlete (unless you consider shopping a sport, for that I have a gold medal). I’m not one who enjoys suffering by choice much, which makes the whole athletic thing a little more difficult for me. I see these people running in the 102-degree heat, sweat pouring off of them and I think “How Cool”. I’ve always wished I was a little more determined about competition and endurance but that’s just not the way I’m wired. Anywhoo…. A friend asked if I would start running with her a few months ago, so I agreed. The first few weeks we ran on the track at the gym every morning, and for the first few weeks I was literally mad at her by the time our workout had ended. I had almost convinced myself that I had some kind of physical problem that caused me to feel like I was having an out of body experience about 39 seconds into my run. At 42 seconds into it run my thighs felt like they were literally made of steel and my feet felt like concrete blocks. The horrendous gasping noise that bellowed from my lungs pretty much disrupted the friendly basketball game that went on below us. Lucky for me we moved our workouts back to the treadmill and the elliptical machine where they belonged. My inability to gracefully suffer was more controllable on the machine. I didn’t completely give up on running, when on the treadmill I’ve been running a minute walking a few minutes and gradually working my way up to….. This morning. This morning I got in the zone, found my mojo, Stella got her groove! I found a spot on the wall in front of me, I created a visual image of His arms reaching out to catch me and I began to run. I continued to run toward that image and found I didn’t want to stop. I felt like I was flying. My legs didn’t hurt, my lungs weren’t screaming, all I could feel was an energizing light coming from someplace on that wall. When I ran past our scheduled workout time, my friend looked at me in complete amazement, (I have that affect on people sometimes) and asked what on earth had happened. It’s just a matter of changing my focus from being on me to being on Him.

Friday, October 2, 2009

What's Next?


The house is quiet this morning. The moon is still bright outside, the sun still in hiding. It definitely feels like fall, I love it. Not so many years ago the house would have been filled with the turmoil of getting children dressed for school, the baby fed and a husband off to work. Things have certainly slowed down with the oldest two children now grown and living their own lives. It's something as a parent that is bittersweet. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of little feet running up and down the stairs in pajamas with the feet in them. Nothing more heartwarming than giggles coming from a darkened room where everyone is suppose to be sleeping, and there's nothing more empty feeling then when those sounds have long left your home. The sound of the daily news now runs in the background of my life along with the pitter patter of not little feet but some honkin big paws. I'm not sure a man can fully understand what it's like for a woman to raise her children and set them on their path to freedom. There's a hole in my heart that won't heal because of their absence. I wouldn't bring them back for anything in the world, because I set in my heart from the start that their independance was something I would embrace with joy and I absolutely do; it's not so much for them that I mourn it's but for myself (selfishness I'm sure). My youngest turns 15 this month. From past experience I know what that means. In a flash he'll be gone too. I'll admit that I struggle with my purpose, my goals and my dreams now that all but one has left the nest. So much time, effort, energy invested... now I'm at a loss of where I go from here. I never really dreamed past my children. Never really made plans past the part where they were raised so here I sit in the early morning hours wondering... what's next?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Amazing Faith


Yesterday my friend faced one of the biggest challenges of her life. Her attitude is a testimony to everyone who meets her. It makes me wonder how those without faith in an omnipotent God face these types of trials. Regardless what life throws at me I hope to handle it just like she has handled this… With Amazing Faith!