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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Way To A Momma's Heart

One thing my daughter learned in the Navy is if you are from L.A.designer names means everything. In the land of Red-Necks, Wal-Mart is to us what Gucci is to a Valley Girl. When my daughter arrived in San Diego she was appalled..... appalled I tell you, that there was not a Wal-Mart on every corner....much less a Super Wal-Mart in town. This revelation rocked her little Okie world like the sight of "Happy Hour" rocks a drunken sailor. I will never forget a phone call I received one day.... "Oh Mom!!!! I just found the coolest Wal-Mart ever!!! It's in an outdoor mall and it has.... you're not going to believe this..... But it has an escalator!" She was officially in "Hog Heaven". After several years of being in San Diego she is now more of a Target kinda gal, but she still has a soft spot in her heart for Wal-Mart and I suspect she always will. Her fascination with Wal-Mart (or the lack thereof), intrigued the guy she was dating at the time. He was from New York and he didn't quiet "get" what the Wal-Mart fascination was all about. She tried to explain to him that in small town Oklahoma Wal-Mart was the meeting place of all things important. Everyone you knew was in Wal-Mart at any given time of the day or night. You walk in and the first person you see is your hairdresser, your nail tech (mine is usually on the verge of being handcuffed), you see your minister, your 1st grade teacher, most of your friends, your relatives and certainly all of your enemies (sometimes these are one and the same). When you are bored on a Friday night and there is nothing good on at the movies.... you go to Wal-Mart. If you are lonely and haven't been able to reach your best friend by phone.... you go to Wal-Mart. Absolutely, whoever you are looking for is there, Plus.... and this is a big plus.... You can also buy stuff there! When he came to Oklahoma with her for Christmas, of course one of their first stops was Wal-Mart. Right as you walk in the front door is the hair style salon and the girl that used to do her hair before she joined the Navy ran out to meet her. From there they saw one person after another and pretty much anyone who he needed to be introduced was found in the store making visiting home so much easier cause you can get those first hellos out of the way. With one stop shopping comes one stop hugging.  Another thing about Wal-Mart is you pretty much don't have other options where shopping is concerned. Unless you want to spend the time and money traveling to the City, you just get whatever you need at Wal-Mart. Name brand isn't as big a deal in small town Oklahoma as it may be in larger cities and certainly not like it is in L.A! The guy she is dating now is from L.A. and she was shocked and amazed at his shopping habits. He is a designer guy all the way babe and that is just something she is not used to. Our idea of name brand, is digging out a fake in the far corner of a Ross's store. We're happy as little peas if it's cheap and the name resembles something we've read about in a magazine. The first time he took her shopping she thought he had lost his ever loving mind because he wanted to buy her a Coach purse. That little state of affairs warranted an emergency phone call to me asking me what on earth was wrong with the guy. It just wasn't normal, she might understand it if he was a girl but a guy being hung up on designer names did not compute with her. My advice was to just tell him to give her the cash instead and maybe drop by a discount store on the way home..... Made way more sense to me. A few months later she came home for a visit and he loaned her his brand new designer. I had to see what all the fuss was about cause to me they just looked like sunglasses with some funny name written on the side, so I popped those puppies on my face only to fall madly in love with designer sunglasses. She came downstairs that night to find me desperately searching the Internet for some new shades. "Mom! You're not actually going to spend $300.00 on a pair of sunglasses are you?" Of course I wasn't, I was just.... curious. After all I am the queen of cheap sunglasses with maybe $20.00 being the max I'll shell out for something that will either be sat on, flung off, or just simply misplaced. That being said, I'll have to admit that those $300.00 sunglasses fit better than any $5.00 pair I had ever had. My little mind began to click and I tried to find a way to justify paying that kind of money for sunglasses. When we went to San Diego to visit my daughter he let me wear his shades while we were there and I felt like I was styling and profiling right up to the point when he insisted I give them back. I slunk home with my $5.00 sunglasses and tried to put the past behind me. I had just about succeeded in doing so when a package, addressed to me came in the mail. In the package was my very own, personal pair of designer sunglasses!!! Does that boy know a way to a Momma's heart or what!? The first time I got in the car and put them on I asked the boys "I wonder what D & G stands for?" My son's best friend.... a smart butt at heart blurts out without missing a beat.... "Dollar General!". The little Red-Neck. So far, so good. I haven't sat on them, I haven't flung them, dropped them or lost them. This guy my daughter is dating now, gets a two thumbs up from me. Typically the way to this girls heart is through a new pair of shoes, but now I've added shades to that list so he'll work just fine.

Encounter of an Unusual Kind In Rush Spring OK

Friday night as soon as we got off work we headed to Oklahoma City with our best friends to have dinner with our boys and to say a prayer with them as they prepared to head for a 14 day mission trip to Kenya. We took dinner with us to save time, so we wouldn't interfere with with their meticulous process of packing (said with a nearly hysterical belly laugh).It wasn't late when we left their house but it was dark. As we drove away I unexpectedly begin to feel tears well up in my eyes. As a parent, it's an overwhelming experience to not only watch your children grow into adults but to also watch achieve their life long dreams. I couldn't help it, call it hormones, call it empty nest syndrome, call it whatever makes you happy but I silently cried from Oklahoma City to Rush Springs. I kept my head turned to the window with my face partially shielded by my cell phone. I had no desire for everyone in the car to know that I was bawling like a baby at the thought of 2 of my children being scattered to the far corners of the earth. So I sat starring out at the full moon. My husband would gently reach over and pat my hands knowing I was once again struggling with having my children grow up only to go far away. By the time we reached Rush Springs the tears had all but dried. My eyes felt like over stuffed marshmallows but I figured by the time we actually got home most of the swelling would be down and I would be able to act as natch as possible without having to answer any questions about my state of mind. Just as we passed what is probably the most well known speed trap in Oklahoma a sight over the highway traveling north caught my eye. It resembled a ball of fire moving at about 100 ft off the ground at a very slow rate of speed. Immediately it caught my attention at around the same time it caught the driver of our cars attention. It passed us going north and we pulled into an intersection and turned around to follow it. When we turned around it seemed to be hovering about 100 ft off of the ground directly over a turn around. We pulled into the turn around, opened all the windows and the sun roof to get a better look. I opted to hang halfway out the window but never once considered taking a picture of the thing with my cell phone. It hovered silently over the turn around just long enough for us to become even more confused and then began to ascend slowly,yet silently north west until it reached some low clouds at which time it kicked it into high gear and disappeared. Out of the 5 of us in the car, none of us had a clue as to what it could be. A hot air balloon? Probably not since they typically don't fly at night, especially in an area with high lines and such. A helicopter? Not likely since it appeared to be round with a distinctively fiery glow, not to mention the silence in which it traveled. A quick search of the Internet found a similar sighting the night before in Shawnee but the eye witness claimed it was a small plane on fire although search crews found nothing. I am probably the only one who will admit this... but I was highly disappointed when our vehicle did not begin to tremor as if being pulled by some magnetic force.... And although I can't be totally sure, I think my belly button was a little tender to the touch the next morning... LOL...JK. the five of us always set out to make a memory of some sort and although this wasn't exactly the memory we had in mind, it certainly was an encounter of an unusual kind.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Key Is Change

It's impossible to go to the next level if nothing changes. I've been telling myself that for weeks, maybe months. At this particular moment it perfectly describes almost every area of my life. My work, my friends, the ministry I'm in, my family, my house, my spiritual growth.... everything. In one area I took a drastic step... and just stepped down. I certainly don't want to be accused of hindering change and maybe I just wasn't the person for the job at this moment in time. I didn't "quit" I removed myself for the benefit of everyone involved. Human nature seems to shy away from change. Change is uncomfortable, it brings out all of your insecurities, it makes you doubt yourself and your decisions, it's just a drag. I typically don't struggle with change like some do. I try to look at change as an adventures, not always... but generally. There have been a few changes that have rocked my world, but I try to keep in mind that everything works out for the good. There have been times in my life that I could see no earthly good in what was going on, but God, being true to his word, years down the road, gave me a beautiful glimpse of the big picture and to this day, I mourn every regret I had about that journey. I should have walked that path with a lot more faith than I did. Over the years I've had several relationships that seemed to fade because of change. Those are difficult because you're constantly asking yourself the question... "Was it wrong to go on while others choose to stay behind." How long do you drag an unwilling participant with you before letting go so they can stew in their own issues, while blaming everyone but themselves for the condition of their lives and their relationships? You can't force a person to move from where they are to the place they could be and should be if they would just move on from wallowing in self pity, and play the starring role in "Who's The Biggest Victim." But if you love that person you really just want to scream at them "There's more to life then this", "There's a big picture and although you may be in it, you're not suppose to be the focus!" I tried this approach with a friend recently (you know just for kicks and giggles... Not really, it was out of utter desperation) and let me just say I don't think she appreciated my tough love honesty.. At least I don't think she did since she hasn't spoken to me since. But gosh! I just wanted so much more for her and I know that Christ wants more for her too. Several years ago I was in a group who were determined to grow spiritually so we made kind of a pact that we would continue to move forward and continue to do so even if some of us decided to stay back. Most of that group are still together but some have seen distance come between us because... Well, things just got in the way. Life happens, sometimes you run, sometimes you walk, and sometimes you just wander off. As a friend I keep looking back over my shoulder wondering where they went? What was so interesting that it would take them away from something with earthly blessings and heavenly rewards? My greatest goal in life is to be everything God created me to be in Him. That can be a huge challenge considering who he's working with here. He is merciful, loving and kind and it's a good thing because I know I can be a toot. I can so relate to Paul when he talked about the fleshly struggle of doing the things you knew you shouldn't be doing and not doing the things you knew you should be doing. The battle against one's own desires can be very fatiguing. Anyway, for all who are interested, be it friend or foe, I really want to climb that dang mountain! I want to go to higher heights, see greater distances, and keep my eye focused on the big picture and not just on me. I am so hoping that others decide to come along with me, leave the past behind, lay down our personal baggage so our load won't be so heavy and just move on up.... together. How about you? Did you ever consider the fact that the key to change could be you???

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Apron Strings & Wings

As of today my kids are officially scattered all over the globe. My oldest is in Hawaii headed to who knows where in a couple of weeks. My oldest Son is in Kenya on a missionary trip, and my youngest son (15) is tucked safely in the nest as his wings haven't fully developed. When we made the decision to have children there were several things that were ultimately important to us.

1) They be raised with a firm spiritual foundation
2) They be raised without fearing the unknown
3) I would embrace their independence as they grew regardless of how difficult it was for me!

Number one was pretty easy to achieve. We became a part of a living, breathing body of Christ. We were active in the church, the kids were active in the church and we surrounded ourselves with many people who embraced our kids as their own giving them multiple examples of good Godly adults. They trusted their "extended family", and actually call them their Aunts and Uncles. To this day they know, where ever they may be, regardless of the time or circumstances they can pick up the phone and call not only my husband or I, but a number of people full of wisdom who will offer them Godly council and who will love them unconditionally just like our heavenly Father loves us. That is a HUGE, sturdy foundation that neither I, nor they take for granted. We have been richly blessed by our church and our church family.

Number two wasn't particularly hard but the childs personality comes more into play with it. With my two oldest kids I fostered their comfort in life by never trying to scare them out of doing something. If they wanted to do something, I encouraged them, did what I could to make it possible and just tried to be positive. When my Daughter said she wanted to join the Navy, my first thought was "Have you seen Private Benjamin?", I didn't say it, but that is what I thought. She stands 5'4" and is just like her Momma in the fact that she loves all things girly, hates to sweat, and believes that just past the gates of heaven will be a full service hair and nail salon with all the newest trends available to all that enter there. I could have VERY easily talked her out of that decision but I didn't (you have no idea how difficult it was not to). I just kept repeating every positive thing I could think of about a life in the military. I guarantee you, today she is way more self assured than she was five years ago. When my oldest Son told me he wanted to be a missionary like in the movie "End of The Spear". Okay I'll have to admit, the first words out of my mouth were..... "The main character dies by being attacked by natives in that movie!!!" his response..... "I know Mom! How cool would that be to die for the cause of Christ." I knew I had lost that battle before I actually thought about taking up arms for it, because he has a calling and you just don't argue about a calling.... Period! My Son that's still in the nest is somewhat a challenge where number two is concerned because he is just a tad OCD.... He does not like his schedule changed. He likes for all things to remain the same at all times unless given enough warning so he can wrap his mind around the change.  It's not exactly that he fears the unknown, he just that he wants to be well acquainted with the unknown before the unknown is known. I'm still trying to figure my approach to this one.

Number three hasn't been hard to do..... It's just been hard for me to handle. I couldn't be more proud of my kids, their unique personalities and their independence.  But once they are gone, you miss having them around. I have no desire to wish them back in the nest because I feel that would be wrong, but I do miss them terribly, and I feel a little lost without having my little chicks under my feet. It is very difficult to get past the kids not being at home part of life. No one can accuse me of tying those apron strings a little too tight or hampering my kids independence and I see that as a good thing. The wings they soar with were handcrafted by a Momma who wanted her kids to see new things, experience all life has to offer and to go farther and do more than she ever dreamed possible. Apparently those wings work pretty well and occasionally the tracking device I sewed inside them brings them back home for a little TLC and some Momma lovin.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Stained Glass

Shattered bits of stained glass
Scattered all around
Tiny shards of color
Around me I have found
Blue like frozen ocean
White the hue of clouds
With hints of faded sunlight
Around my feet have wound
The colors soft reflected
The beauty to behold
Was once a single portrait
Of a heart that once was whole
And yet the pieces-tho fallen
Their beauty still can be
Recognized in part
As the stained glass heart
Of me

Slivers of Me

To say that the last six months have been challenging would be an understatement. I realize that I'm not recovering from some deadly disease,but I certainly have been recovering. When the doctors told me in January that it could take 6 months to a year for me to recover from the head injury I suffered New Year's Day, I absolutely blew them and everyone else off. There was no way I was going to let this slow me down for a few weeks, much less a few months. Just to prove my point I hopped out of bed a few days after, at 5 o'clock in the morning like have been doing for years, and headed to the gym, that didn't work out so well so the next week I tried it again, and again, and again. To date I still haven't made it to the gym more than two days in one week but I'm working on it.Every night I've come home at 5 o'clock in the evening, determined to enjoy my family, maybe cook a little dinner, play with my dogs, only to collapse in a heap on the bed with barely enough energy to change clothes. It's taken every ounce of physical, emotional and mental energy I have to go to work every day, stay as current on possible with the piles on my desk, interact normally with those around me, while covering up my struggles with my hair-brained wit and jokes. To a large extent I've been successful at maintaining.... only those closest to me see the changes, but there have been moments of severe meltdowns from the stress of feeling overwhelmed by my inability to really feel normal.This week has been different. I never thought I would brag about my ability to stay up past 8 o'clock but brag I will.... And Praise The Lord I'm able to do so!!!!! This has been the first week (except for my few days in California), that I have come home from work, cooked, cleaned, went for walks and actually, intentionally, stayed up late just to see if I could. I did it!!!! I had a normal life this week. No headaches, only one day with bad neck pain and a few dizzy days (I call those my blond days), but this is a huge accomplishment for me. Last night I stayed up late making cookies to take to my Son who is leaving for Kenya tomorrow. Today I had to make a 30 min. trip on my lunch hour to pick up my youngest son. When I got to the house I only had 30 min. to spare but I decided to throw some stuff together to make some brownies to add to the cookies. As I was leaving the house to go back to work I thought "OOOOhhh-My-Gosh!!!!! I feel like a super Mom! I've stayed up late every night, I've cooked, I've cleaned and I even made brownies on my lunch hour!!!! I'm coming back, I see little slivers of Jackie starting to materialize right before my eyes!!!!! This may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it is not only a very big deal to me..... But also a huge,ginormous blessing and I am more grateful than words can express. I can hear it now.... "Oh no! She's coming back."

Monday, June 21, 2010

Daddy's Girl

Tall, dark and handsome... That's the best way to describe my Daddy. Well, the dark part has been replaced with silver but he still has dark  hair at heart. Like most little girls I was a Daddy's girl. Mom and I may have spent more time together, but still there is just something about a girl and her Daddy. I remember waiting patiently for him to tuck me in bed every night. If he happened to miss my "tucking" because of work, then the next night he would have to tuck me twice (a double tuck). I loved being his little helper around the house, holding his tools when he worked and watching in amazement at how he could do, fix, or make anything! Don't all little girls feel like that about their Daddy? As a child I remember him always being funny, doing tricks with his hands, and of course the perfect spot on impersonation of Donald Duck. Yesterday was Father's Day and I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank Daddy for being a wonderful Father. Yesterday, today and tomorrow I will always be a Daddy's girl.

Friday, June 18, 2010

GOLF..... Dog Snot & All

Last weekend my company had it's annual golf tournament. I typically play twice a year whether I need to or not and the company golf tournament is one of my favorite times to play. A couple of years ago I won a gift certificate to the local golf shop and bought a set of clubs.... baby blue (cause they didn't have pink). To be honest in the last year I've played more than usual because my husband and kids have started to enjoy golf too, it's a nice way to spend some family time together. This year, since my Mojo has been missing in action,  I wasn't in my usual form.... meaning I didn't go buy a new outfit to match my clubs. I've always said that it wasn't important how you played, just important how you looked while you played. Thanks to being out of commission for the last 6 months.... well, I'll just say things weren't looking so good. Needless to say there is a lot of rivalry where the tournament is concerned, due to the abnormal amount of testosterone around the office and in the field, so let the trash talking begin.  A friend of mine, (who just happens to also be my boss) has a standing bet with the leader of the team I happened to be on. That was a huge incentive for me to play well because my boss and I have our own football rivalry going.... You know that whole OSU vs OU thing..... As if OU is all that and a bag of chips too.... Ugh! Unfortunately the leader of my team has been on the losing end of the bet for the last SEVEN (count them) seven years so.... yeah, things weren't looking so good. I shot off an email a few days before the tournament to the leader of the team, to let him know that this was his year and we would "beat the ever loving dog snot" out of my boss. We could do it! The only problem with that is, we were just talking trash because neither one of us thought we had a snowballs chance in hell to beat the other team. My boss actually had the nerve to say that "it doesn't matter if your team beats my team because I won't have any confidence that you will have contributed to that win!" O-M-G!!!!... "HE- DID NOT just say that to me!" But he actually he did, which is what probably sealed his fate. The odds around the company was that our team would come in dead last..... and I didn't even have a cute outfit to compensate for such a rumor (Alice and that dang rabbit hole)!!!!! The good thing about that was I got our team really cheap in the Calcutta (so I'm not stupid). The first 9 holes went good, not great but we came in at 3 under par and like I told our A player, "Even if we lose we have nothing to hang our heads about." I made it a point to keep my boss updated every time I contributed a great drive or an outstanding putt, so he got several text during the day and I had witnesses. You know, sometimes the stars align just right, you find your groove and you just go with the flow and let success take you where it wants you to go..... That's what happened on the last 9 holes of the game!!!!! Yeah, baby!!!! We finished ahead of the other team, but the last time I had heard from them we were neck in neck. When they finished their round and delivered their score.... WE HAD WON!!!! Not only did we win, but they weren't even close to us (yeah, that's right as in no competition). I think they came in 5th. The buzz around the water cooler is we didn't write our scores down correctly, we talked the preacher on the team into crossing over to the dark side... Just the usual sore loser kind of talk. But you know.... it doesn't bother me at all that no one in that company believes we really won that tournament fair and square.... What really bothers me is, (and I say this with all sincerity)....  What really bothers me is that I didn't get a cute outfit for the picture! What was I thinking?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Quiet One

3 years and 2 days after the birth of my first child, we eagerly awaited the birth of our second child. This time around I wasn't leaving anything to happenstance, so I asked the doctor to induce labor on my due date. Things were so different when I was expecting my second child. I had to make arrangements for my Mom to be here to help with my daughter, and I felt like everything had to fit into everyone else's schedule... So being induced seem the most logical thing (Ha!). While the nurse got me settled in, my husband goes down to the gift shop to get some magazines and maybe something to eat. When he comes back, the drip is going, I'm hooked up to all of the monitors and everything looks like a go for the launch sequence to begin. Since the birth of my daughter went so smoothly and quick, I'm expecting the same will be true for this birth as well..... After all, I'm a pro now. My husband was way more relaxed this time around as well. In fact he may have been just a tad bit cocky about the whole thing since he survived the last birth with no physical injuries. He sat over in the chair next to my bed flipping through his magazines when the contractions began. When a contraction would come along, he'd watch the monitor, then casually go back to his reading. It didn't take long before the contractions started to hurt. It all started coming back to me about this point..... Somehow over the last three years I had forgotten that labor feels like someone has a vice grip around your middle and they are trying to squeeze you till your head pops off. I'm starting to get, well.. to get a little pissed off at this point. Hubby's over there reading his magazine like a king on his throne while I'm having the ever loving guts squeezed out of me!!! He is being way to calm about this and I'm just about ready to tell him just where he can put those friggin magazines when the nurse runs (and I do mean run)into my room. Her eyes are wide as she grabs the oxygen mask and slaps it on my face and tells me to breath deep. She throws the head of the bed all the way down and jacks the foot of the bed all the way up and runs out of the room only to run back into the room bringing more people with her. She seems a little frantic which is kind of freaking me out and she tells my husband the baby is in distress and they are going to do an emergency c-section. The anesthesiologist comes and with great urgency grills my husband about how many ice chips I had so far... hmmm, guess someone should have been paying closer attention. In what seems like a matter of seconds we went from calm and collected to praying desperately for our baby's life. Before I knew it I was in the surgery room as the lights began to fade and all I could think about was if my baby would make it....   I just have one question.... Why the heck do nurses scream at you when you are waking up from surgery. There you are in this nice dark place feeling so cozy and carefree and they walk over to your bed and is it my imagination, or do they say in the loudest possible voice.... MRS. PATTERSON!!!!! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!!!!! YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY!!!! MRS. PATTERSON, MRS. PATTERSON!!! (When I get out of this fog I'm going to give that nurse a wake-up call!) Then I hear the sweet voice of my husband whisper... Jac, we have a boy. Wake up Jac, we have a boy. My eyes didn't seem to want to cooperate with me, neither did my voice, but I just had to know.... I had to know now..... "Is the baby ok? Is he going to be ok?" I vaguely remember being able to see my husband through hazy eyes as he held my son over for me to see for myself that he was Perfect.Perfect little fingers, perfect little toes and a perfect button nose. The next day I'm laying in the hospital bed watching my perfect little boy sleep soundly in the bassinet next to my bed. My husband comes in and asked "How is he doing?" I look up at him with a dreamy unknowing in my eyes and say something that he has never let me forget.... "He's going to be our quiet one."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I Hate to be Late Especially for a Birth Date

I hate to be late... It's a huge pet peeve of mine. On a typical work day, I arrive 30 minutes early. If I'm on time for something, then I feel late and can be terribly fussy with whomever has made me "on time". So, when the doctor told me my due date for my first child was June 15th, I believed it was June 15th. He may have looked at that as an estimate, I looked at it as set in stone. On June 14th the nursery was completely finished, clothes folded and in the drawers, Nana and Papa on standby and me willing and ready to get the show on the road. Since I hadn't even had one contraction, my husband and I took a long walk downtown to spur things along. As he waddled me back home, I had to sit and rest on the curb before continuing.  I stubbornly refused a ride from a friend because..... well, because I was stubborn. When I woke up on June 15th I was already somewhat discouraged since I felt perfectly fine and by noon I was getting terribly concerned. If the birthing instructor was correct, and I was in labor 12 hours or more, than that would be pushing the baby's birth closer to tomorrow than today...  In my books that was late and I was not a happy camper. When my husband left to go back to work, he gave me a hug and told me not to worry and then bent toward my belly to offer a stern warning to it's occupant that things would go much smoother if everyone was on time. He headed back to work and I headed to my Mother-In-Law's house to wash laundry since our washer was on the blink. When I returned home from her house I felt a twinge in my mid-section and literally remember saying to myself.... "I wonder if that is what labor feels like." I thought to myself.... "after General Hospital goes off, if I'm still aching, I'll call my Mother-in-Law to describe the ache and see what she thinks." That was a funny phone call! Talk about getting someone who is usually very calm and subdued riled up about something, that phone call did the trick. She instructed me to hang tight she was on her way. I calmly called my husband and my parents to let them know that although I wasn't that hopeful, I would go ahead and let her take me to the hospital just to be sure. When Virginia, who is probably 5'4" and 98 pounds soaking wet comes to the house, she is a little ball of fire. I have never, nor did I ever again see her in such a state of excitement. She refused to allow me to even carry my own pillow and guided and pushed me into the car like we were fleeing an alien invasion. When we got to the hospital she ran around and opened my door, jerked my pillow out of my arms and started issuing instructions. This is one of those moments where you would just have to have known her and how quiet she was to truly understand how hysterically funny it was to see her this way. We got to the hospital at 5:00, which by my standards was WAY behind schedule. My husband arrived and we settled in for what we expected to be a long process...... Wrong! My first child was just as keen on promptness as her Momma. After a mere 3 hours of labor, my daughter fought her way into the bright lights and steel surroundings of the delivery room. She entered this world with plenty of expression and like her Momma never hesitates to speak her mind or prove her point. I'll never forget seeing her Daddy lean over the bassinet they placed her in. Her flailing hands found his finger and a sudden hush fell over her as he began to sing the ABC song just as he had done every night. Her round little face, red from all the squalling, quieted as her eyes searched frantically for the voice she knew.

Today those little hands grip the barrel of a M240 as she sails into foreign ports on the destroyer she proudly serves on.  Today those little eyes search the horizon for anything that would threaten the security of the land that she loves. Still today her ability to express herself has come in handy as she copes with being a woman in a very male environment. Happy Birthday Sissy!!! I know you love to hear your birth story on your birthday, but since you are away this year I put it here for you to see when you return home. June 15th, the day we welcomed you into our world and one of the happiest days of my life. Love you tons and bunches..... Momma

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

My Little Ball Of Fire

I look at my children and wonder how on earth they turned out so amazing. It certainly has to be a God Thang(misspelled on purpose). My prayer for my kids has always been "Lord help them be everything you created them to be". I'll admit that although Motherhood is a struggle sometimes (especially in those early years), it certainly has it's payoffs when you see them grow into amazing adults right before your very eyes.

When my oldest son was small he had A LOT of energy!!!!! He was maybe a little hyper, but really it was more like a force field of energy that surrounded his whole being. This force field surrounded him even in his sleep. He would go and go and go until he literally passed out from sheer exhaustion. Wherever he passed out, that is where he stayed because I in no way, shape, or form took any chances of waking the little bugger up. Whether it was in the middle of summer or in the dead of winter he would roll (and I do mean roll) himself up in a sleeping bag and pass out under the dining room table, in the middle of the floor, or under the coffee table. He never really slept in his bed until around high school age. He was just his own little person. When he was in 2nd grade his teacher pretty much insisted we have him tested for ADHD.... and he tested absolutely positive for it in every way, shape, and form. He has always had the happiest disposition and that was something I really wanted him to keep which lead to the decision to put him on medication so school would be a little easier....hmmm for his teachers. I didn't want his little spirit broken because of always being fussed at or getting in trouble, and although it had it's side effects the medication really did help him especially through his elementary years. Now as an adult he simply amazes me. He still has the best disposition of anyone I have ever known. He still has an energy field surrounding him, although it's not as pronounced now as it was when he was little. But the most amazing thing about him as an adult is his wisdom. He has a God given wisdom about life that surpasses anything I could have taught him as a child. The way he lives his life, the way he plans his steps, the people he chooses to surround himself with and the forethought that he puts into his relationships is nothing more than a spiritual gifting of unusual proportion. Life to him is one big adventure! Every obstacle is absolutely looked at as a new opportunity to beat the odds in a new and creative way. He has adventure in his blood and truly believes life is best lived to it's fullest and best when lived in the fullness of Christ. I guarantee you that you will never laugh more than when around him and his friends.... The are just a hoot to be with and they carry joy with them wherever they go. When I look at him I can't help but remember when I carried him in my womb. My Mother was so terrified that he would be a boy because she just believed boys were hard to handle. One day after talking to her on the phone I sat on the bed with my hands on my bulging belly and I heard this small sweet voice tell me that this would be a very special child... That the one who formed him in my womb and knew him before he was born had very special plans for this little guy and I had nothing to worry about. To this day I still remember the peace that poured over my spirit like a healing oil. So even though I shouldn't be, every day I am still amazed at the things God is not only doing in him, but also through him. He lives a life poured out. What more could a Mother ask for?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Part of Me

Like whitened frost on a window pane
Or the feel of a midnight breeze
The marbled glare of the summer's sun
A faint whisper of Fallen leaves
Certain things define a time
Precious within my mind
Memories I hold within my heart
Treasures not left behind
Red dirt roads when the moon is full
Early morning dew
Snapshots of every season
Offer not a clue
Tales that transcends meaning
Timeless the prison will be
Captured behind a veil of tears
Remains a part of me

Spring Cleaning

The closet door quietly closes as I give a silent sigh of relief. The things I love had become entangled into a knotted mess. Some things tossed to the side with a question of whether it was needed any more. Other things hidden from view so I wouldn't have to make a decision about where to put them. Still other items lay in a pile that was intended to be discarded but I just hadn't found the courage to "toss them" yet.  Then there were things nicely hung, color coded for convenience of selection. Unfortunately this category paled in size compared to the other categories. . It was an ugly mess that had been solely created by me and could only be sorted and put back in order by my hands.... I had put it off for way to long and the day had come. It certainly wasn't a task I looked forward to, but now that it was over and everything was back in it's place I had an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. It's amazing how something so simple could create such mental chaos and when completed create such peace. Kinda like the closet of my soul. When neglected, things get piled up, forgotten about or things that simply don't belong find their way into a darkened corner. Getting the courage to dive in head first and start the sorting process is easier said than done.... But the rewards of having things in order leaves me with much satisfaction.