Cycle of Influence

Yesterday I was thinking of how lucky I am to have such great kids. Two of them are now adults and #3 is on his way. It's such a blessing to watch how they have grown into their own identities, to watch them slowly develop into who they are today. Looking back I have to give credit to the multitude of people

who have influenced their lives. My kids have been blessed by being surrounded by the best. There are countless people who have influenced their lives from the time they were tiny tots to today. Babysitters who played with them, teachers who taught them, grandparents who loved them, an uncle who would wrestle them till his eyes bled, church family who counseled them, children's workers who guided them, youth leaders who admonished them, parents of peers who sat a good examples for them, coaches who challenged them, employers who depended on them and co-workers who befriended them. Countless people who touched their lives in small ways, ordinary ways and outstanding ways. Each touch adding to another, molding, shaping and helping them become who they are today. Most of those people have no clue the amount of influence they've had on them. Some of them did so intentionally, but others did so just by living their lives, doing what

they do every day without thinking twice about the words that were spoken or the deeds that were done. Wow!!! Makes you stop and think doesn't it. When I thought about all of the people who touched their lives,  it reminded me of the quote from Ronald Reagan....

"Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere as long as the policy you've decided upon is being carried out".

This seems like an odd quote to associate with parenting, but then again, if you change the word policy to values, it fits perfectly!

It may not have been said with parenting in mind, but it certainly makes sense. Values are important and the more people you have setting examples of your values to your children, the more likely they'll be to "get it". It was always funny to me how my husband and I could suggest something and our kids would think we were totally wacked out, but have someone else say the same thing, and suddenly it takes on a whole different tune.  Little did they know the voices all around them were echoing our values. I'll never credit myself for being a great parent, but I will give myself credit for making sure my kids were surrounded by people who were a great influence on them.  I wish I could reach out to each and every person who helped them become who they are today. The amazing thing is now they are the ones influencing others, who will influence someone else and the cycle continues.


Proverbs 27:

 ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
   

Sunday Morning With Wee Ones

I got to play hall monitor this morning in the children's section of church. I watched as harried and tired parents hustled their wee ones to the children's area and with a sigh of relief (or reprieve) they headed to the sanctuary for a "Where the rubber meets the road" sermon that hopefully helped them make it through another week.  Young parents need all the help they can get as they work and try to to be super parents to the precious little bundles of joy God has given them. I watched as one Dad walked toward the area with his hands completely full of his wee one. She clasped on the floor in a heap with a little squeal. Finally he got her to use her two legs and they got in line behind other young parents checking their kids into class. As he stood in line we chatted as his wee one pretended he was a jungle gym, hanging from his pockets, climbing up his leg.  I couldn't help but chuckle as I told him that all too soon his frantic house would fall eerily silent due to the fact that wee ones grow up much faster than we anticipate.  Time certainly seems to fly when you're raising kids and having so much fun you can hardly stand it. I remember Sunday mornings with little ones. I remember being so flustered by the time I got to church, I felt like I needed to walk straight into the sanctuary and hit the alter to pray through before church started. For some reason (maybe it's because I was a bit of control freak where dressing the kids were concerned) my husband never grasped the idea that although boys shirts buttoned in the front, little girls dresses typically buttoned in the back. Nor did he understand the concept that little girls socks needed to be put on in what looked like an inside out fashion so when you turned the cuffs down the lacy side showed. He never did understand the need for a big glob of K-Y Jelly on the top of a bald head so a bow (which matched the dress that buttoned in the back) could be held in place. Yep, I raised my two oldest in the days before giant headbands for baby girls and nurseries with nursery attendants for all ages of children. Back in the day we had the task of keeping our babies and toddlers occupied during service, making sure they didn't disrupt the whole church.  We tried to glean nuggets out of the sermon between juggling our kids, but sometimes we were just proud that we made it there and back home in one piece. When service was over, I felt like I had been mauled by a couple of pit bulls (for some reason my husband never felt that way). Yeah, the sight of harried parents and squealing children brought back all of those delightful memories this morning and as I walked away I realized just thinking about them made me extremely tired.  I suppose that's why God lets you have kids when you are young.  Even with the mauling, the climbing and the projectile vomiting, I still wouldn't trade those memories for a room full of gold. I do so enjoy watching today's young parents fight the good fight and I especially enjoy watching grandparents pitching in, helping out and making the fight a little easier. One little guy passed by me this morning who was the spitting image of his papa and and I don't know.... It just makes me smile. Maybe some day I'll have a little one who is the spitting image of their Lolly.... Oh, won't that be fun!!!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I lay in my bed (feeling pretty proud of myself) and wanted to share my good news with a good friend. So I sent her a text with the latest JackieWorld news bulletin, knowing she would be both tickled pink and thrilled to death. Shock of shock, horror of all horrors, she was neither... "You are so spoiled!" the text read. Well Duh!!! Is that suppose to be headlining news? Geeze! I like to sugar coat it with the title of "blessed" but spoiled works too. Who says I can't stand it when people are real (chuckle, chuckle) with me. I was neither shocked, mad, insulted, or hurt that she dared to speak the truth (she added an LOL at the end so that made it easier to swallow) because you know what??? I already knew the truth. I also know people that know me know the truth too. still it never hurts to have people tell you what you already know, in fact some times it's just plain good for you. There is nothing like someone grabbing you by the chin and having you take a good close look at yourself... "Mirror mirror on the wall" Trust me there have been plenty of times I've given her a good (but loving) look in the mirror too... Like when she tells me she wants Botox. I have no problem telling her that is the most asinine thing I've ever heard, or when she tells me she wants a Gastric Bybass, I really blast her then. She lives through it, I do too and it's probably one of the reasons we're such good friends. Last time we visited I mentioned the spoiled rotten text to her and she promptly put her head on the table and laughed.... "I hope you didn't take that wrong." I certainly didn't, I took it as the absolute truth and didn't have a hard time swallowing it. She could have called me a lot worse, but guess she is saving the rest for later (guess I'll have to get my big girl panties on). Yeah, we're still friends, I appreciated the honesty and I don't thinks she loves me any less because I'm spoiled and I don't love her any less for saying it. Like I've said before, it's not what people says that bother me, but what they don't say. The eyes are windows to the soul and the most painful things are sometimes left unsaid because there is malice behind them that can't be hidden.... With or without words. They say that truth is stranger than fiction, but trust me.... Nothing can be as strange as what I see staring back at me in the mirror of my soul sometimes. Just because I hope others are blind to it, doesn't mean they are. I appreciate those who give me a little heads up on the fact that I may need to get my stuff under control...  Friends should be comfortable enough with one another to be lovingly honest, brazenly bold and eagerly open to helping each other strive toward self improvement. If I want someone to agree with me on everything than I'll never have friendships that run very deep. If someone needs a friend who is always going to stroke their ego and tell them they are right, then they probably don't want to choose me (frankly I suck at ego stroking).  Of course the key to everything is LOVE. You're not going to nit pick someone you love to death over every little thing. You're not going to be hatefully honest with someone you love. And you certainly don't want to see someone you love meander down a path of self destruction just because no one around them had the guts to be honest with them because they fear their wrath. My friends have authorization to stop me in mid stride should I head down a dangerous path and I choose my friends wisely enough to know they will do it with love, caring concern, with hopefully a dose of humor on the side (because humor softens the blow of everything). Meanwhile, I'll try to keep a handle on the spoiled rotten, queen of all things routine (although I'll admit I'm really good at that act). Apparently it gets on some peoples nerves and I certainly wouldn't want to do that.  You know who you are and I just wanted to tell you thanks for being a friend, thanks for loving me in spite and if you do get Botox.... I promise to make fun of your perma-smile:-)

Losing the Battle But Winning the War

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Today I certainly feel like I lost the battle. My weakness is that all too often I don't recognize my stuggles as being spiritual, but tend to look at them as being all emotions and just the drama of day to day living. If I would just stop for one second and look at things as they are instead of how they appear, I would be much better off. Having been raised in Girl World (which is my personal term for all things female), I sluff things off as just being pure emotion rather than looking at them for what they are which is a spiritual attack from the very bowels of hell. Why, why, why do I do that? Oh wait.... maybe because I'm human. I don't look at myself as a mighty warrior because deep down inside I don't feel like I'm enough of a threat to be in the war (I'm just being... well I won't say real, but I will say brutally honest). Honestly I wish I could just tuck my emotions in a suitcase and ship them to another universe, or give them the strong arm out the back door so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Then again if I woke up every morning prepared for the days battle, I might be a little more successful in knocking a few of those battles out. I've come to know that arming yourself isn't a one time deal but something you do every second of every minute of every hour of every day of your life.  Yep, you got it.... This is a self scholding blog post. So Jac, today you lost the battle but at least you live to fight another day and will rise to win the war because Sister it's not over till the fat lady sings or the trumpet blows. Gird yourself up girl and let's get-er-done, with a little more style tomorrow and in really cute shoes (cause in heavenly Girl World the whole armor includes cute shoes.... They kick butt)

Ephesians 6:11 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

Let Your Ripples Sparkle and Dance All the Way to the Shore

My daughter is in the process of making a very important life choice. Will she continue with the military a few more years or will she come home and begin the business of having her life as her own again?

It sounds like it would be an easy decision, but it has caused her a lot of stress. She has had to assess where she is in life as opposed to where she wants to be. She has had to calculate the best path to take, to get where she wants to be. She has had to look at what her hearts desires are and what path to take to see them fulfilled. There are always a multitude of angles that must be considered  when making these decisions. My son is in the process of opening his own business. He has a ton of choices to make, location, promotion, long-term vs. short-term goals. These decisions will not only affect him but those who are in business with him and the future of their families years down the road. Those are not decisions that can or should be taken lightly. He's also had to make the decision to resign from his current position as volunteer coordinator at the shelter where he works. The shelter, the people he has worked with and the clients he has helped has been a big part of his life the last couple of years and although he isn't letting it go completely, he won't be as intimately involved as he has been. There's a little ache there, the pains of letting go.  Life goes on, you make choices when you are young and those choices follow you around one way or another

for the rest of your life. Some choices seem like no big deal, but will they seem that way years down the road? Our choices mold
us into the people we become and the goal is to never stop becoming.... always becoming
more. It may seem that the choices of your
youth are more difficult than the choices you make as you mature, that isn't so.
Everyday I wake up to a multitude of choices that will effect not only me, but my co-workers, family, friends and my future grandchildren.

Most choices are Black/White, Right/Wrong, and I think I'm the one who adds the gray area that tends to cause the problems. Some mornings I wake up and I am raring to make good choices, other mornings I have to make a concentrated effort to be wise, focused and thoughtful with my choices.... To pick up my cross and bear it for the cause of Christ.  I told someone the other day that when Christ said "It is finished", as he died on the cross not only was he talking about the work he came to do, but the fact that the battle against his flesh (because he did battle it) was over. I believe that Christ, being fully human, experienced the draining, exhausting battle

between the Spirit and Flesh. So when I feel like giving up and just flipping a coin for the choice of the day, I have to remember it's not all about me. Like ripples in a pond caused by one drop of water.... Those ripples sparkle and dance all the way to the shore where others are standing, watching the mesmerizing affect one drop of water can make. Not all choices are do or die choices.
Often the most difficult choice of the day is when I get up in the morning and search for the perfect pair of shoes (those are the good days). The first choice of the day can determine the

direction your day takes. Just try wearing an uncomfortable, ugly pair of shoes all day and you will know that first choice can determine the smile or the frown on your face at the end of the day. Go out there today and make the best choices you can and if you remember nothing else, remember this... If you truly want to make an impact, fashion always trumps comfort and immediate gratification can cost you a lifetime of ripples on the pond of life. How are your ripples going to sparkle and dance today? Hopefully in a very good way...

Please Don't Give Me a Hard Time

Discounting the last year, I'm not one who typically has the urge to give someone a piece of my mind.  Mostly, because there isn't that much to share, but also because it's just not my nature. Some people thrive on setting themselves up as judge, jury and executioner as well as the moral authority on all things and all people. The people they target don't necessarily have to have anything to do with them.... The situation may not effect them at all (as in it's none of their business), but still they are just itching to jump right in the big middle, with judgement in hand. I just don't think I have that kind of energy, plus.... OMG what if I was wrong and made the wrong judgment call?  I had one of these people digging in my garden last week, trolling up things they knew nothing about, making all the wrong assumptions and then publicly trying to crucify me.  I was laying in the bed with a raging fever and felt like my throat had been scalped by Indians (no offense to Indians). I got a notice on my phone about what this person had said. It was like someone pulled a rip cord deep inside of me and righteous indignation (well there wasn't much that was righteous about it) came shooting out of my ears. Before I knew it I had allowed this person to drag me down to their level (I should have beaten the dog out of them while I was there, JK). Later, when the fever (legitimate fever... I had strep) had passed, I was humiliated that I had taken the bait like a catfish lurking under a rock waiting for a worm. Last year when I was in the throws of recovery from my injury, I had a lot of those moments.... Oh how I wish I could take them back. It was like a ball of fire would hit the wrong button and I became a nuclear weapon that had no control. The head injury was a legitimate excuse, but still the thought of me acting like that has humbled me greatly... Because head injury or not, if it hadn't been hidden in my heart somewhere,it  wouldn't have been able to come out. I may have a hard time forgiving myself over this, but I have to believe, in faith, that God is my judge and I'm good with Him. Some people live their entire lives in this state of ugliness. I am so thankful that my state was temporary even if it did seem to last an eternity. Why would anyone willingly live in such a state? It truly baffles my mind and makes me terribly sad. There are countless injustices that happen every day in every one's life, but you can't live your life set on go (or in constant attack mode). Thinking over the last year, when I remember those feeling of being out of control, it brings so much shame to me that as I blog tears stream down my cheeks. I so don't want to be one of those people. I truly want to have a compassionate heart even for those who are blatantly making bad (and sometimes wicked) choices. I just pray that God will keep my heart ever tender.... Even to those who mean to cause me or others harm. If it's a process for me (someone who doesn't have a mean nature), I can't imagine what it must be like for those who do. I feel sorry for those who do choose to live a life of hatefulness, even if they attempt to drape a cloth of "best intentions" around it and advertise it as justice.I saw a facebook post the other day that said... 

"There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down ...is a part of LIFE, getting back up is LIVING"

Gosh, that is so true. I had someone ask me the other day why I didn't have any desire to be around certain people. My reply was as simple and straight forward as it could be... "Because they are mean hateful people" I don't have the time or the energy for that. Life is too short to live it in the presence of those who try to make it harder than it is. Give me happy people, give me laughter, give me joy, but please don't give me a hard time.

 

 

 

 

 

Opening My Boxes

Fallen

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this week. It was about the moral character of a person. I used to be of the mindset that everything was black and white, good or bad. Either you had moral integrity, or you didn't have it. Either you were a good person or you weren't. This thought pattern led me to pass judgment on people based on what I could see and how it fit into the white/black/good/bad category. I wouldn't simply put them in the black or white zone, I would put them in the right/wrong box and there they stayed forever and ever amen. For the most part I was raised in a church that did the same thing. When people messed up, regardless of the redemption they may have found at the cross, they could never quiet find that kind of forgiveness in the church and they especially couldn't find forgetfulness that cast your sins as far and the east is from the west. I suppose that kind of redemption is considered strictly Divine attributes of our Lord. My question is should it not be an attribute that we, as followers of Christ, should strive to obtain? The Bible does tell us to forgive.... I believe it says 70 times 7, but to be honest with you I don't know of many who practice that verse, myself included. I can forgive, but dang it, forgetting is nearly impossible to do. Sometimes it's not even about forgiveness. It's easy to see friends, family and people in the community make bad choices, we may not even know them, but when the rumors hit our ears, we don't hesitate to dump them in the bad box, fold the flaps and walk away. I once knew a woman who was a wonderful wife and mother. In fact I believe her and her husband received a "Family of the Year" award. shortly thereafter she began to change. I had lost touch with her but I know that these changes effected her marriage, her children and eventually led to the murder of her best friend. I knew this woman. I had gone to church with her, I had been to her house, she was a good person.... and then something happened. After she was released from prison I talked to her ex-husband who said she had gotten her life back together, had a job and was attending church again. He seemed at peace with things and I admired his ability to speak of her without any hint of bitterness or anger. I wonder about her often. She will forever wear the label of "that woman". The story of what she did will follow her forever. I suppose it's just the law of reaping what you sow, but I can't help but wonder if Christ wouldn't rather us embrace the "new and improved" version and work on forgetting the small window in history where she wasn't new and definitely wasn't improved. Several years ago I took the Beth Moore bible study on David. Of  her studies I believe I liked this one the most. The reason is because the bible specifically calls David a man after God's own heart. Yet when you read David's story it reads like a script off of Desperate Housewives. David failed time and time again. David made some horrible choices that also resulted in innocent deaths. Yet in spite of those errors in judgments.... The bible calls him a man after God's own heart. That is comforting to me. I require a lot of grace from the throne.... Not a little, a lot. I may not go out and commit murder, I may not conceal a crime, commit adultery, but I do believe the ability to do so lies deep inside each and every person... given the right circumstances. But for the grace of God go I. I heard a song the other day that spoke of this. The lyrics said.....

          Fallen
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed  (Sarah McLachlan)

That's how I've come to look at people.... Everyone is one misstep away from being forever labeled. Yet, to know that you can be wholly human, completely flawed and still be a man or woman after God's own heart.... Nothing short of amazing!!! Most people probably remember David for his failures and never stop to analyze his accomplishments. Why? Because as humans we tend to put people in a box, label, and fold the flaps. I'm just glad that Christ hasn't folded the flaps on me and in spite of myself. I can still be know by him as a woman after his heart... That's good news to this feisty gal, because we have all fallen and if we haven't then at some point in life we will. I'm working on unfolding the flaps of my boxes I've set aside, and releasing the ones that I've had trapped by judgment. Because when I fall, I don't want to be trapped in a box that I can never escape.

I'm Having a Mess Reduction

I wish I had a dime for every time I heard someone say..... "And I thought they were suppose to be a Christian!". This statement is usually said with a somewhat scrunched up nose,typically a little side to side head bob, and in a tone of utter disgust. This is the part where I usually bite my tongue (till blood is trickling down my chin), take a deep breath and just try to remain calm and not cry. Why??? Because if there were ever an imperfect person to carry the title of "Christian" it would be me. The only thing that keeps me going, is the knowledge that well people don't need a doctor, nor a hospital. I know I'm sick at heart and the only place to receive true healing is at the foot of the cross.... That's why I'm called a Christian, not because I'm perfect, but because I'm not. I honestly think a lot of people believe Christians claim to be perfect. Trust me I've run across a lot of Christians who believed they were indeed perfect, boy are they in for a big surprise. Every single day of my life I wake up fighting against every fleshly instinct and desire. EVERY DAY!!! My definition of a Christian is someone who does exactly that.... They are fighting with everything they've got not to become everything they shouldn't be and to become everything they should be in Christ. Proclaiming to be a Christian is a hard fought battle.... It is not for the weak at heart. Part of the reason it is so difficult is because if you carry that title everyone around you who doesn't is just waiting for you to slip up..... Waiting for you to fail... Just so they'll have the opportunity to say.... "I thought she was suppose to be a Christian" I'll sadly admit that I myself have been guilty as charged. I've looked at other Christians behavior in distaste and wondered how they had the nerve to set foot in a church. I was raised in a church that believed if you followed the rules and teachings that they put together in a little pamphlet then you were good and could be called a Christian, if you didn't you were damned to hell in a hand basket.The older I've gotten the more I realize that everyone struggles with something. Some people struggle in the dark hoping no one will find out that they are struggling, while others struggle out loud so that no one will be caught by surprise if they find out they're not perfect (I would be the one struggling out loud). Some days I feel like climbing to the roof with a sign that says "I'm fighting for my life". When I lay my head down at night I smile quietly to myself if I think I haven't been a total embarrassment to Christ. On the nights when I know that I have, I hang my head in shame and vow to do better tomorrow. My Christian walk is taken step by step, day by day and none of it is taken lightly. The amount of grace that has poured over me could fill the ocean and the sins that I have been forgiven of would cover the it's floor. I'm a total mess.... If you don't think so, just ask my husband. But my mess is made less by Christ so I can be more in Him. If you're a mess too, I know a place you can go to have a "Mess Reduction".... It won't make you perfect but it will lighten your load.