Bobbing and Blogging

It's 4:30 am and we are headed to DFW airport.... Destination, Cancun Mexico. Our flight departs at 7, so we are right on schedule. I follow Siri's direction with little trouble due to the early hour. "Exit right on north service road." Which I do with no problem. Then she begins to direct me to make a u-turn. Siri's directions have become a vicious cycle. Apparently Siri needs Starbucks as badly as I do at 4:30 am.  We finally silence her and as for directions. In spite of the Siri mishap, we have made it on board  the plane. Barbara is rocking the ENTIRE plane with the constant bobbing of her knee. I've "fixed her a nice cup of coffee" so the bobbing should settle soon.  So we are bobbing and blogging and It's up, up, and away to fun in the sun and who knows what else.

As if they Never Were

Life has a way of weaving people in and out of our lives.  Life is in constant motion bringing us to different paths throughout the journey. The ebb and flow will bring us in contact with many people.  Sometimes our paths parallel with others for a time....  Sometimes forever. But often, our paths come together, than slowly take different directions, when sadly we no longer walk side by side. When that happens to me, I find myself saying.... "It is as if they were never a part of my life." But closer reflection reveals the tapestry life weaves. I see small highlights along the path we walked together. There will be a pop of color here, a highlight there, and beautiful hues in areas where they impacted my life the most.... Always with a color that is uniquely their own. When paths began to seperate, it is hard for the heart to accept. Whether our journey takes us far away, never to return, or whether our paths diverge again, they will leave behind tangible beauty in vibrant colors marking our time together.... Regardless of the amount of time I've had with them, they have added depth, color, and texture that only the human touch can bring. Their threads along with threads of others, will weave "The Big Picture" represented in living color. Don't mourn the loss of a relationship that takes a different path; rather celebrate the part they played in your life and the joy you experienced while you walked side by side living the journey together. Count your blessings at the creative beauty each one leave behind, and the memories you captured from time well spent. My life has been changed forever by these sojourn companions..... Their mark remains forever on my heart in a way it wouldn't  if they never were.

Chicken Little and the Blonde Bombshell

What do you get when you put Chicken Little and a blonde bombshell together in a far away place. Well we're fixing to find out. A good friend and I are headed to Mexico for a girls trip. She's the blonde bombshell and I'm the frumpy Chicken Little. We are both pretty big chickens, she is just a much prettier version of chicken little.  We both have terrible travel anxiety. I'm praying that her constant nervous knee bobbing won't rock the plane right out of the sky, and also that we aren't kidnapped by angry drug lords. If we are abducted by drug lords, my husband has permission to sell all of my shoes to pay the ransom. Something tells me there will be much to blog about in the coming week. Look out Mexico we may be more than you can handle.

She Made the Dress

This weekend I had the pleasure of playing Aunt JacJac to my best friend’s daughter. The three of us went to Dallas “Prom Dress Shopping”.  I was so excited to have the chance to spend the day with them; getting to shop was just the cherry on the top.  She had one destination in mind, her mother and I had several because shopping and shopping should always be balanced with eating and eating really good stuff. We started at 9 a.m. and were determined to make the day all about her. The drive to Dallas was quick and easy as unbridled excitement hung in the air. I was excited, but since I remember shopping with my teenage girl, my excitement was tempered
by experience.  In this case the stress wasn’t on my shoulders. My job was to stay calm and referee if needed…. When shopping with a teenager and her mom a referee is ALWAYS a good idea. When I was in high school, prom wasn’t a big deal to me. I saw a dress in a store window at the mall where I worked. I put the dress in lay-away and later when I found my friend had unintentionally bought the same dress, we were both tickled pink in a Scarlett O’Hara kind of way. Things certainly have changed.The store was “Whatchamacallit”. It looked benign enough on the outside, but inside a new story began to unfold. When I say I was shocked when I walked in, I’m not exaggerating one tiny bit. It was like a 1000 cotton candy blowers exploded at the same time. The acres of dress racks were so tightly packed, you literally had to maneuver between them by doing the breast stroke as if swimming in a pool. I did not see one small child and I know why; if a child got lost beneath the sea of tulle, sequins and beads, they would never be found. My heart broke a million times Saturday as I saw my little princess become overwhelmed with the magnitude of the decision, the frustration of the process and the intense heat inside the dressing room. When I finally detected a meltdown was close, I suggested we all take a break, go eat something magnificent and give her have a chance to process her choices. We ate lunch at PF Chang’s and then back into the battle we went. At the end of the day we sat on the couch outside the dressing rooms. Actually, I think I had more or less melted into the couch itself; if we looked anything like we felt,then we looked like we had been dragged behind wild horses for several miles in the dry dusty dessert. A woman with her daughter in tow, walked up to the couch and asked… “May I ask you what the best way to attack this store is? What’s the secret?” In all seriousness I told her straight up…. “ With Xanax and a bottle of wine!” Yes, I was exhausted! I have no idea what time we finally walked out of the store, but the fact we were on a first name basis with most of the personnel should give you a good idea as to the number of hours we were there. I do know the three of us were physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Oh how I wish she could see herself through my eyes. True beauty begins inside and bubbles its way outward, it believes in you regardless of the direction society trends and it walks to the beat of an inner drum with no regrets and no hesitation… She looked amazing in every single dress she tried on. She is simply a stunningly beautiful girl. Although the final selection was beautiful, and I loved seeing the smile on her face, the simple truth is… She made the dress, the dress didn’t make her. XOXOXO my Sweet One. Thank you for the amazing memory and the oh so many laughs. Your Aunt JacJac couldn’t be more proud.

The One Next to You

The volleyball hit the ground and bounced over the fence for the third time. All four of the women erupted in snorts, giggles and belly laughs. Our men on the other side of the net, stood quietly composed (like they always do), as one of them went around the fence into the neighbors yard to retrieve the ball. The longer it took, the harder we laughed. We laughed and laughed and laughed until I thought I was going to spew the hamburger I had just eaten. We must have looked like a group of the three stooges trying to play volleyball with each one making excuses for missing the ball due to... "My bad knee, my bad hip, my sore side?" yet there we were, causing a neighborhood ruckus and playing with childish abandonment

(which is what keep you young). With the four of us doubled over in laughter, gasping for breath  and trying to maintain bladder control, one of the girls said.... "We've been through a lot together." No truer words were spoken. We've raised kids, dealt with toddlers, teens and college, We've worshiped, wept, vacationed, supported each other during times of convalescence, encouraged each other through difficult times, cheered each other on in new endeavors, complained, fought and faced each triumph and trial that life has thrown in our path with what I'd like to say was elegance and grace, but truthfully much of it was done barely holding on by our finger tips (or so it seemed). The thing that has kept us moving forward was knowing we weren't alone. Much like volleyball, when the life aims the ball at you and you're not sure you can get it, it's good to know the one next to you has it covered.

100% of You

This week I had lunch with a dear friend. We went to the hospital, not because the food is great (it can be and they have a Chick Fillet), but because the dining room is huge so we wouldn't be crowded and we wouldn't have to scream over the the noise like you do in some restaurants. I had made a list on my phone of things I wanted to tell her since our last lunch. I texted her to remind me I had put it on my phone, or I would forget to get the list out.... Yes, this happens to me with a grocery list as well, which makes me wonder if it all goes down hill from here with my memory.... RABBIT TRAIL! The chattering began as soon as she picked me up and didn't slow down until I stepped out of the car and back into the office. We had a lot to say to each other. We got our food, picked the table farthest away form everyone else and continued with our conversations.... As in pleural because between the two of us you cannot get a word in edge wise so we both just plunge in with both feet and often and let our wisdom, opinion and our epiphanies splash all over one another. Not to mention we both talk like Italians (with a lot of hand waving and acting our different parts).... I've often thought it would be more than a little entertaining to be an outsider watching us converse. I think I only took a couple of bites of my food then pushed it aside because I had a lot to talk about and didn't have enough time to eat and talk without spitting food all over her and that's just plain rude. As we were leaving she noticed I was wearing the new skirt I had bought when we went shopping. She also noticed that the split in the back of the skirt still had the little knot they put in them when they are in the store so we stopped in the hall so she could cut my string loose. I had dug my pocket knife out of my purse, she had handed me her coke and was bent over lifting up the hem of my skirt so she could see the string. About that time I heard someone say.... "Hi Jackie, are you having fun?" We both looked up said hi and laughed because I know it must have looked a little strange. She said.... "I just saw her bent over with her head up your skirt and wondered."  What could I say... Except.... "Welcome to a day in the life of Jackie... And yes, I'm sure I'll be blogging about it later." She laughed, walked on and my friend took care of my string and we continued to the car. When I got back to the office I felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders, it was so good to get those things (both good and bad) off my chest, just be able to talk to a friend who hears and understands my woman thoughts. I thought to myself.... A friend gives you 100% of their focus when they are in your presence and you give them 100% back. Wouldn't it be refreshing in our technologically advanced world, if there were more people willing to focus 100% on the person they are with when that person has something they need to say? It seems with so many things vying for our attention, we rarely give anything or anyone 100%. Our society now reflects our inattentiveness but we're too busy to notice the loss and are laden with too much apathy to care.

Cords of Love

Jenny and her friends

This weekend my friend hosted a Tea for her daughter and her two closest friends and their moms. She asked if I would decorate for it. There are fewer things that I enjoy more than preparing for special occasion for someone I love. The theme I selected was "The Key to Success". I made banners with wisdom quotes and scriptures. I made a wisdom tree and adorned it with skeleton keys and wisdom tags. The tablecloth was an unfinished quilt top that
has a special meaning to me. I got to use my e mis-matched china for the first time. I put candles on the mantel, pictures on the hearth with skeleton key chatskis laying around. It wasn't anything fancy and it wasn't anything anyone else couldn't do, but I enjoyed it so much because it was for someone so special to me. Another friend of ours gave a devotion called "Living in a Small Town". It was a precious reminder that although living in a small town has it's down side, the benefits
far outweigh the negative. Our families have been knitted together with cords of love that cannot be broken and
everyone has benefited in countless ways from these relationships. Like ripples in a pond, each drop of love you allow to fall on others, will be returned to you tenfold. My heart is full of pride to see Jenny grow into everything God created her to be and I'll be on the sidelines every step of the way cheering her on as she continues her journey.

The Bitter Sweet Taste of Change

Seth catches the garter

One of our boys got married this week. Not one of My boys, but one of the boys that feels like mine (does that make any sense at all). I was doing just fine until the music started and then the tears took over and the chill bumps ran up and
down my arms. How could it be that they are all grown up adults now,taking wives and having children? It's absolutely what you're shooting for when you
become a parent, to see your children grow into functioning adults, but then watching it actually happen, rips a tiny bit of your heart out. I had this sudden urge to stand up and shout "Stop! Let's rewind back a few
years when you were just a wee one and let me pinch your cheeks again." Yeah, that wouldn't be inappropriate at all at a friends wedding, so I sat there biting my tongue until I was pretty sure a steady stream of crimson blood was running down my chin, but no, it was just tears. Sweet, bitter, happy and sad tears, all at the same time. Life is truly a complex mixture of

all of the above and it leaves a salty taste on your lips as you
kiss the past goodbye and smile hopefully into the eyes of forever.

We Celebrate!!!

Today I celebrate Barb! The one with a million dollar megawatt smile, the giggle of a Playboy Playmate and the enthusiasm of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. She is my workout partner, confidant, sounding board and my accountability partner. She is my friend because frankly she knows too much about me for me to allow otherwise. Most importantly today she is ANOTHER year older, therefore we celebrate! Happy Birthday Girlfriend!

Walking In the Shade

 

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade."
Christian N. Bovee

 A friend on facebook posted this quote the other day. It immediately jumped out at me because I wasn't just in the shade last year, I was completely in the dark. I can honestly say nothing will teach you about being judged, critiqued or deserted like walking in the dark places for a time. You can't really blame others when you take a sharp turn with your personality and actions, but it still stings and makes you realize that most friendship are of the conditional nature. My journey has made me take a step back and take a good look at my judgments toward others. If I can't love in the dark times as well as the light times, what good is my love? If I can't offer companionship during the times of difficulty, why offer it at all? I don't want to be a good times only friend, I want to be a through thick or thin friend. When the seas of life get rough and you lose your way, that's when you need the life vest of a true friend wrapped around you. It really is possible to love someone without agreeing with everything they do. It seems like the position of choice is to stand outside the shaded areas until they wonder back into the light instead of going into the darkness and being a light which points them back to the sun (or should I Son).The other day a good friend (who I take particular pride in harassing) said.... "Yep, the old Jac is back." He had know idea how much that meant to me; it literally brought tears to my eyes. I can't even explain the difficulty of the path back, nor the lessons learned while I was there. Walking in the shade isn't fun, but it is very enlightening. It certainly made me look at things (and people) much differently. 

 "Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light."
Norman B. Rice

 

 

Because I Want To

 "After everything you've done for her, I can't believe she would do that!!"

When I was younger, I had a tendency to approach friendships differently than I do today. After much trial and error in friendships I realized I was doing it wrong. I'm a blue person... People pleaser sort. When I was younger, I would jump through hoops to help my friends in any and every way possible. Mention to me that you were too tired to do your laundry, I'd run over and haul it to my house and do it for you. Need a baby sitter so you and your husband could go on a date.... Bring the kids over, I'll do it for you. I simply loved doing things for people, still do but it's a little different now.  If I knew one of my friends were going through something, maybe a sickness or death in the family, I made it my mission in life to check in with them to see if I could help in any way, I  kept up-to-date with them throughout the process and when needed attend the funerals.... Because I was a good friend. There were a couple of relationships that I was in

where I felt like I had worked myself to death (willingly), yet when I needed a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or just a day off, It never seemed convenient for either of these friends to help me. When my Mother-In-Law was dying of cancer, I never heard from them, even though they knew the diagnosis was grim. After a while, it really started to hurt my feelings. I felt like I was being a better friend to them then they were to me. It seemed the more I was willing to give the more they would take but never saw the need in reciprocating the favor. After years of this going on, I started having a lot of anger and bitterness about the relationship and began backing off. When they called with a need, if I felt like doing it I would (expecting nothing in return), but often I found myself saying no. The years passed and the friendship faded away like a lot of friendships eventually do. They didn't end on a sour note, our lives just took different paths. It took years for me to get over the hurt and anger I felt about being used. After much praying and analyzing the friendships I realized that I was the one who allowed myself to be taken advantage of. Those relationships were back in my 20's. I now have a whole new outlook at friendships. I'm a little more guarded now when developing friends. I don't feel the need for every single person I know to be my friend. The things I do inside a friendship are things I truly want to do. I no longer do things just to please people, to impress them, or in an effort to raise their opinion of me. If I come get your laundry and do it for you (first thing is call a

paramedic, something is most certainly wrong), I do it because I want to and I expect nothing in return. Lowering my expectations of others has made a huge difference and lowering the expectations I have for myself has made an even bigger difference. I am surrounded by a lot of very thoughtful friends. When someone does something thoughtful for me, I am pleasantly surprised, because I have no expectation. It's hard for people to fail you when you have no expectations of what they should be doing. A lot of my old behavior stemmed from needing people to like me. I was living in a new town, I didn't know anyone and I missed home. I'm at a stage in life now, if you like me great, if you don't great, I'm ok either way. There is a freedom of not needing people to approve of you, not needing their affirmation. Now when people approve of me, or affirm me, it's  a

blessing, because it comes so unexpected.Someone said the quote at the beginning of this blog to me over a year ago. My response was... "I did those things because I wanted to, she owes me nothing." I could honestly say that because everything I gave her, my time, my help, whatever it was, I had given it to her unconditionally. People are going to let me down sometimes, that's just a fact of life. It happens a lot less often, because I have no great expectations,I'm not keeping score and the friends I have now, we do a lot of giving and taking as life demands it. When I give I give from my heart so there are no strings attached. Maybe it's true the older you get the less you care about what people think about you, it sure would have been nice to have that mindset about 20 years ago.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I lay in my bed (feeling pretty proud of myself) and wanted to share my good news with a good friend. So I sent her a text with the latest JackieWorld news bulletin, knowing she would be both tickled pink and thrilled to death. Shock of shock, horror of all horrors, she was neither... "You are so spoiled!" the text read. Well Duh!!! Is that suppose to be headlining news? Geeze! I like to sugar coat it with the title of "blessed" but spoiled works too. Who says I can't stand it when people are real (chuckle, chuckle) with me. I was neither shocked, mad, insulted, or hurt that she dared to speak the truth (she added an LOL at the end so that made it easier to swallow) because you know what??? I already knew the truth. I also know people that know me know the truth too. still it never hurts to have people tell you what you already know, in fact some times it's just plain good for you. There is nothing like someone grabbing you by the chin and having you take a good close look at yourself... "Mirror mirror on the wall" Trust me there have been plenty of times I've given her a good (but loving) look in the mirror too... Like when she tells me she wants Botox. I have no problem telling her that is the most asinine thing I've ever heard, or when she tells me she wants a Gastric Bybass, I really blast her then. She lives through it, I do too and it's probably one of the reasons we're such good friends. Last time we visited I mentioned the spoiled rotten text to her and she promptly put her head on the table and laughed.... "I hope you didn't take that wrong." I certainly didn't, I took it as the absolute truth and didn't have a hard time swallowing it. She could have called me a lot worse, but guess she is saving the rest for later (guess I'll have to get my big girl panties on). Yeah, we're still friends, I appreciated the honesty and I don't thinks she loves me any less because I'm spoiled and I don't love her any less for saying it. Like I've said before, it's not what people says that bother me, but what they don't say. The eyes are windows to the soul and the most painful things are sometimes left unsaid because there is malice behind them that can't be hidden.... With or without words. They say that truth is stranger than fiction, but trust me.... Nothing can be as strange as what I see staring back at me in the mirror of my soul sometimes. Just because I hope others are blind to it, doesn't mean they are. I appreciate those who give me a little heads up on the fact that I may need to get my stuff under control...  Friends should be comfortable enough with one another to be lovingly honest, brazenly bold and eagerly open to helping each other strive toward self improvement. If I want someone to agree with me on everything than I'll never have friendships that run very deep. If someone needs a friend who is always going to stroke their ego and tell them they are right, then they probably don't want to choose me (frankly I suck at ego stroking).  Of course the key to everything is LOVE. You're not going to nit pick someone you love to death over every little thing. You're not going to be hatefully honest with someone you love. And you certainly don't want to see someone you love meander down a path of self destruction just because no one around them had the guts to be honest with them because they fear their wrath. My friends have authorization to stop me in mid stride should I head down a dangerous path and I choose my friends wisely enough to know they will do it with love, caring concern, with hopefully a dose of humor on the side (because humor softens the blow of everything). Meanwhile, I'll try to keep a handle on the spoiled rotten, queen of all things routine (although I'll admit I'm really good at that act). Apparently it gets on some peoples nerves and I certainly wouldn't want to do that.  You know who you are and I just wanted to tell you thanks for being a friend, thanks for loving me in spite and if you do get Botox.... I promise to make fun of your perma-smile:-)

Birthday Fun & Lifetime Memories

Last evening I had the pleasure of celebrating a good friends birthday with other good friends. With our busy schedules, sometimes it's hard to carve our "friend time". A birthday is the perfect opportunity to carve out that time and make some memories. Although the celebration only included shopping at Sam's and dinner, memories were made, belly laughs were enjoyed and the precious bonds of friendship strengthened. We have had the 

distinct pleasure of raising our children together. They are the same ages which has given us the added benefits of going through the different transitions as one by one the older ones left home. We struggle together to keep the lines of communication open with the ones left in the nest and who now feel like the only child. We have laughed together, cried together, prayed together, played together,rejoiced together and have mourned together. The greatest joy of all is getting to transition to the next phase of life together (even though we are fighting it tooth and toenail). Life's journey is just more fun when you share it with others on the same road. Having a friend to travel with makes the unknown a 

 little less scary and the good times are a little sweeter when shared. Happy birthday Lin!!!  You are the sister I never had, and my shoe fetish friend.You make a lousy accountability partner when it comes to my shopping and budget,but you have made a difference in my life and the life of my family. It's my pleasure to call you not just friend, but family because that's what you are to me.

Hand in Hand, Arm in Arm, Together We Stand Till A Cure Is Found

Late last year I posted a blog about my friend having cancer. Before her mastectomy we threw her a Bye Bye Boobie party (see 9/29/09 post). To say this last year has been a journey for her would be an understatement. She was lucky enough not to have to do radiation or chemo, but still had to take Tamoxifen which in itself caused a multitude of problems. That being said she has weathered the storm and can now see light at the end of the tunnel. Having her with us is such a blessing because this lady has been a light to everyone around her, before cancer, during

cancer and certainly after cancer. She has not let her breast
cancer define who she is, but has allowed it to reaffirm whose she is. How did she spend her time this last year through recovery????? She spent it by working tirelessly in missions, volunteering for the red cross, training for CERT and volunteering for the local election board. Cancer may have slowed her down a little but it did not hold her back. In fact it may have made her even more passionate about helping others and bringing the gospel of Christ to those who have not heard the good news. Tomorrow thousands of people will gather in downtown Oklahoma City at the Susan G. Komen for the Cure race. A team of

loved ones and family will be there walking for and with my friend, wearing tee-shirts dedicated to her. I am excited and proud to walk with her. I thank God that my friend is here and physically able to represent other

survivors on what will hopefully be the end of a challenging journey for some, and sadly the beginning of the journey for many others. We walk as a unit, hand in hand, arm in arm, until a cure for those who are hurting has been found. If you can't walk with us in person, walk with us in prayers. Together we make a difference.

Happy Birthday Barbie

A few years ago, me and a good friend decided to join the local recreation center and to start working out. We had to do it together, because neither of us are disciplined enough to do it on our own. At 5:00 in the morning we drag our sagging tails out of bed and meet at 5:30 for a 30 minute workout. I would like to say that we are totally committed and rarely miss, but unfortunately that hasn't been the case. At least a couple of times a week my cell phone will buzz with a short message saying "Sleeping in this morning." or her cell phone will buzz with a message from me that says... "I just can't do it." The rule is when we get those messages from one another the person receiving the message is suppose to snap into Drill Sargent mode and whip out some vile, hardcore insult and then instruct the other that they had better show up or they will be personally dragged out of bed and be brought to the gym in her jammies..... Yeah, that never happens either. We both lay there hoping the other will text until a little past 5 then figure either we get up or we opt to be the loser of the day. I guess we've been doing this for 4 years now and as odd as it may sound I enjoy our workouts. My husband has suggested he join us a few times, and although I would love for him to come with me in the evenings.... The mornings are Barb and I time. Although we stay in constant communication via texting and instant message, workout time is the only time we actually spend together. I'm lucky to have her as a friend even if she does make me feel like frumpy dumpty. She is tall, thin and georgeous... pretty much every thing I'm not. She has a constant giggle.... I mean constant. She giggles to herself like she's thinking about a private joke and then wonders why I look at her weird. My secrets are safe with her. I can tell her anything and rest assured it will go no farther. When I'm down she encourages me, when I'm blunt she calls me brutal, when I do stupid stuff she calls me "silly girl", and when I cry, she just kind looks sad and loves me.Today is Barb's 40th birthday! She's a little freaked out about the number but in my opinion she is getting more fabulous every day. Happy Birthday Barb!!! I love ya..... Jac