As if they Never Were

Life has a way of weaving people in and out of our lives.  Life is in constant motion bringing us to different paths throughout the journey. The ebb and flow will bring us in contact with many people.  Sometimes our paths parallel with others for a time....  Sometimes forever. But often, our paths come together, than slowly take different directions, when sadly we no longer walk side by side. When that happens to me, I find myself saying.... "It is as if they were never a part of my life." But closer reflection reveals the tapestry life weaves. I see small highlights along the path we walked together. There will be a pop of color here, a highlight there, and beautiful hues in areas where they impacted my life the most.... Always with a color that is uniquely their own. When paths began to seperate, it is hard for the heart to accept. Whether our journey takes us far away, never to return, or whether our paths diverge again, they will leave behind tangible beauty in vibrant colors marking our time together.... Regardless of the amount of time I've had with them, they have added depth, color, and texture that only the human touch can bring. Their threads along with threads of others, will weave "The Big Picture" represented in living color. Don't mourn the loss of a relationship that takes a different path; rather celebrate the part they played in your life and the joy you experienced while you walked side by side living the journey together. Count your blessings at the creative beauty each one leave behind, and the memories you captured from time well spent. My life has been changed forever by these sojourn companions..... Their mark remains forever on my heart in a way it wouldn't  if they never were.

The Tapestry of a Beautiful Life

Life has a way of throwing things at you that you simply cannot prepare yourself for. Unlike made for TV movies, fairy tales and soap opera's, we aren't handed a script when we are born. We can't edit out the parts we don't like, we can't go back and do re-takes and we can't flip to the back of the script to see if we want a different ending. Unlike Reality TV, life is real and we never know from one second to the next what the next breath will bring and sometimes the next breath takes your breath away.  I've had a few moments that have hit me square in the gut.   During the times I've found myself in the whirlwind of uncertainty, all  I could do was throw myself at the foot of the cross and pray that somehow God would deliver me.  Instead, he took me through the eye of the storm and let me tell you.... I did protest much! There have been times, I've felt like a small child throwing a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming and wanting it my way... The way I had planned it. God had a different plan. When the verdict comes in, grace takes over and in spite of how I behaved, God had a plan. It's easy to be tossed on a sea of guilt and shame of could have, would have, should have, but that doesn't change the past. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and handle life with more grace, more poise, more faith!  Life really is a tapestry of the good, the bad and the ugly. One side of the masterpiece is a mass of knotted tangles where life intersects your dreams in an way that isn't always neat and tidy. On the other side of the tapestry you have the vignette of a beautiful life. Which side of the tapestry you choose to admire, is totally up to you.

Task at Hand

While headed to another department with a handful of papers, one slipped from my hand. I reached to grab it before it landed on the floor. The first attempt was a failure, but caused the paper to be swept higher in the air. I did an ever graceful (not) ballet as I tried to fetch the paper as it floated up and away from me. Finally I managed to trap it against my body to gain control. I quickly looked around me to make sure no one had witnessed the Lucile Ball moment. Assured that my dance had not been seen, I continued on. I thought to myself... Things have away of getting away from you. Hanging onto your senses, your self-esteem and your core values can sometimes be an awkward dance. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of this world and easy to be distracted by things that have no eternal value. Keeping a focus on what really matters is the task at hand.... At least for me.

Losing the Battle But Winning the War

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Today I certainly feel like I lost the battle. My weakness is that all too often I don't recognize my stuggles as being spiritual, but tend to look at them as being all emotions and just the drama of day to day living. If I would just stop for one second and look at things as they are instead of how they appear, I would be much better off. Having been raised in Girl World (which is my personal term for all things female), I sluff things off as just being pure emotion rather than looking at them for what they are which is a spiritual attack from the very bowels of hell. Why, why, why do I do that? Oh wait.... maybe because I'm human. I don't look at myself as a mighty warrior because deep down inside I don't feel like I'm enough of a threat to be in the war (I'm just being... well I won't say real, but I will say brutally honest). Honestly I wish I could just tuck my emotions in a suitcase and ship them to another universe, or give them the strong arm out the back door so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Then again if I woke up every morning prepared for the days battle, I might be a little more successful in knocking a few of those battles out. I've come to know that arming yourself isn't a one time deal but something you do every second of every minute of every hour of every day of your life.  Yep, you got it.... This is a self scholding blog post. So Jac, today you lost the battle but at least you live to fight another day and will rise to win the war because Sister it's not over till the fat lady sings or the trumpet blows. Gird yourself up girl and let's get-er-done, with a little more style tomorrow and in really cute shoes (cause in heavenly Girl World the whole armor includes cute shoes.... They kick butt)

Ephesians 6:11 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

Patience Is a Virtue

Patience is a virtue, and something I don't presently have much of. I got home from work today and found a DSW shoes rewards coupon in the mail. My first instinct was to head out to the City (1.5 hours away), and buy a new pair of shoes..... Then I remembered A) My family expected me to fix dinner tonight B) The stupid "Dave Ramsey" envelope budget thingy C) If I got held up in the City shopping and couldn't make it back to work tomorrow my boss  SO wouldn't understand. Then I realized.... God must be trying to teach me patience and I'm think to myself "After 47 years.... Why bother?" I remember when my daughter was a wee one, scooting around the house in her walker (my gosh I don't even think those things are legal any more).  One of my vows of motherhood was that I would never put my nic nacs away. My kids were just going to learn that there were some things they could not touch.  My daughter would scoot up to a little pretty knowing she was not suppose to touch. She would sweetly look at me as she reached her hand toward the "no no".  In my sweetest mommy voice I would say..... "No, no. Don't touch" and she would quickly draw her hand back. Seconds later her sweet little arms would once again extend to the "no no" and she would glance at me and back to the "no no" again. Those little fingers would ever so slowly arch toward the "no no" and as they did her chubby little fingers would stretch as far apart as they could and she would wiggle each one in turn as each little finger longed just for one touch of the forbidden "no no". Isn't that just like us all. Whatever is just out of our reach or "forbidden" is exactly what we are craving at that second. Do I need new shoes? Ha!!! You have got to be kidding me.  I could wear a different pair of shoes every day for probably several months and still not run out. Still, that coupon is burning a hole in the pocket of my purse. I don't need shoes, but I want them so very badly. I hung my head and proceeded to the kitchen with coupon in hand. What should I fix for dinner? Then I see it!!!! The expiration date on the coupon isn't until November 14th!! That gives me almost a month to siphon money from one "Dave Ramsey probably knows best" budget envelope to my very own "Dave Ramsey doesn't know EVERYTHING" budget envelope. I have time to... ummm, Budget new shoes!!!! Yes in fact I believe the Lord may be trying to teach me something..... I'm not sure I've totally learned it yet, but I have accepted the fact that he is trying to teach me something. They say every journey begins with the first step and I plan to start my journey in cute shoes. You know... Sometime next month. For those of you who are wondering.... All 3 of my kidsn (for the most part)  never crossed the nic nac boundaries I put in place for them. Today those sweet little fingers sail the ocean blue and have occasionally been wrapped around a N240 machine gun as they protect our freedoms. So yes, eventually the lessons are learned and after the fact they are a sweet memory of life's journey.