Losing the Battle But Winning the War

Ephesians 6:12 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Today I certainly feel like I lost the battle. My weakness is that all too often I don't recognize my stuggles as being spiritual, but tend to look at them as being all emotions and just the drama of day to day living. If I would just stop for one second and look at things as they are instead of how they appear, I would be much better off. Having been raised in Girl World (which is my personal term for all things female), I sluff things off as just being pure emotion rather than looking at them for what they are which is a spiritual attack from the very bowels of hell. Why, why, why do I do that? Oh wait.... maybe because I'm human. I don't look at myself as a mighty warrior because deep down inside I don't feel like I'm enough of a threat to be in the war (I'm just being... well I won't say real, but I will say brutally honest). Honestly I wish I could just tuck my emotions in a suitcase and ship them to another universe, or give them the strong arm out the back door so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Then again if I woke up every morning prepared for the days battle, I might be a little more successful in knocking a few of those battles out. I've come to know that arming yourself isn't a one time deal but something you do every second of every minute of every hour of every day of your life.  Yep, you got it.... This is a self scholding blog post. So Jac, today you lost the battle but at least you live to fight another day and will rise to win the war because Sister it's not over till the fat lady sings or the trumpet blows. Gird yourself up girl and let's get-er-done, with a little more style tomorrow and in really cute shoes (cause in heavenly Girl World the whole armor includes cute shoes.... They kick butt)

Ephesians 6:11 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

Something More

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MsZXSNehBw

Sunday evening I sat in the pew at church cradled underneath my husband's arm just like always.We've had a difficult year and he has been a most patient man. One of the girls from our youth group began to sing a song recorded by Kristy Starling entitled "Something More". The song was written by Tyler Hayes Bieck and Trina Harmon. Have you ever heard a song that mirrored your feelings? It was the first time I had heard the song and I was so swept away with emotion I didn't catch half the lyrics so I looked them up later and found the youtube video linked above. In the last few months I can't tell you how much I feel like I've failed. I feel like I've failed God, my family, my parents, pretty much everyone. But also in the last year, there have been many days that I feel like I've been failed? I was raised under a pew... I'm the daughter of a deacon... I know the correct response to those  feelings, I know what I'm suppose to do on those days when feelings of failure cloud every word God has ever spoken to me. I'm suppose to remind myself that I am blessed, I am loved by God.... I am his child and He is "The Great I Am". I know that. I know what I'm suppose to do. But what am I suppose to do on the days I don't feel it? What am I suppose to do when... "I can't trust because it hurts too much"? Like the song says.... "I close my eyes, cause inside my heart I believe, that I'm not alone." I know I have fallen,over and over again. falling is the easy part of life, it's getting up from that fallen position that's difficult... Sometimes it's like swimming from the ocean floor looking for a breath of air. At least that's what it feels like for me. As I swim for the surface, I have to believe there is beauty here on the ocean floor and that my time down here will bring me to a place, where there truly is..... "Something More"