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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Something More


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MsZXSNehBw

Sunday evening I sat in the pew at church cradled underneath my husband's arm just like always.We've had a difficult year and he has been a most patient man. One of the girls from our youth group began to sing a song recorded by Kristy Starling entitled "Something More". The song was written by Tyler Hayes Bieck and Trina Harmon. Have you ever heard a song that mirrored your feelings? It was the first time I had heard the song and I was so swept away with emotion I didn't catch half the lyrics so I looked them up later and found the youtube video linked above. In the last few months I can't tell you how much I feel like I've failed. I feel like I've failed God, my family, my parents, pretty much everyone. But also in the last year, there have been many days that I feel like I've been failed? I was raised under a pew... I'm the daughter of a deacon... I know the correct response to those  feelings, I know what I'm suppose to do on those days when feelings of failure cloud every word God has ever spoken to me. I'm suppose to remind myself that I am blessed, I am loved by God.... I am his child and He is "The Great I Am". I know that. I know what I'm suppose to do. But what am I suppose to do on the days I don't feel it? What am I suppose to do when... "I can't trust because it hurts too much"? Like the song says.... "I close my eyes, cause inside my heart I believe, that I'm not alone." I know I have fallen,over and over again. falling is the easy part of life, it's getting up from that fallen position that's difficult... Sometimes it's like swimming from the ocean floor looking for a breath of air. At least that's what it feels like for me. As I swim for the surface, I have to believe there is beauty here on the ocean floor and that my time down here will bring me to a place, where there truly is..... "Something More"




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