Walking In the Shade

 

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade."
Christian N. Bovee

 A friend on facebook posted this quote the other day. It immediately jumped out at me because I wasn't just in the shade last year, I was completely in the dark. I can honestly say nothing will teach you about being judged, critiqued or deserted like walking in the dark places for a time. You can't really blame others when you take a sharp turn with your personality and actions, but it still stings and makes you realize that most friendship are of the conditional nature. My journey has made me take a step back and take a good look at my judgments toward others. If I can't love in the dark times as well as the light times, what good is my love? If I can't offer companionship during the times of difficulty, why offer it at all? I don't want to be a good times only friend, I want to be a through thick or thin friend. When the seas of life get rough and you lose your way, that's when you need the life vest of a true friend wrapped around you. It really is possible to love someone without agreeing with everything they do. It seems like the position of choice is to stand outside the shaded areas until they wonder back into the light instead of going into the darkness and being a light which points them back to the sun (or should I Son).The other day a good friend (who I take particular pride in harassing) said.... "Yep, the old Jac is back." He had know idea how much that meant to me; it literally brought tears to my eyes. I can't even explain the difficulty of the path back, nor the lessons learned while I was there. Walking in the shade isn't fun, but it is very enlightening. It certainly made me look at things (and people) much differently. 

 "Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light."
Norman B. Rice

 

 

My Thoughts Went Back to Yesterday

Tried as hard as I may today...

My thoughts went back to yesterday...

Blurry visions in black and white...

Shadows hiding in bright moon light...

Tender words I now recall...

Tears upon my cheeks did fall...

Were they merely dreams of the night...

Or fantasy of my wounded mind...

The sadness they bring to me now....

Leave me wondering, the where, the why, the how...

The mind's a deep and haunting place...

The hidden secrets leave no trace...

The narrow passage of time shall bring...

Healing to  most painful things...

The lips from which the words did come...

Feed the wonder I wonder upon...

Did they know my name...

Did they say it dear...

Or did I imagined what I did not hear

Yet when  my mind wonders still...

Will certain parts quite ever heal...

And if they do will scars remain...

Of the thing time has yet to change...

Tried as hard as I may today....

My thoughts went back to yesterday....

The Sound of Music

Last week on our vacation was the first time in over a year that I had played the piano. I have dusted it, I had polished, but I hadn't played it since my injury. Last week  the piano bar must have broken the ice for me on that desire again. Last year my brain could barely remember my name, much less co-ordinate with my fingers to come up with anything related to music.  I promised my puppies would once again lounge in the living room with me lulling them to sleep. For some reason I always seemed to play while I was waiting. Waiting my for husband to get ready, waiting for him to get home, waiting for someone to pick me up.

Tonight I lay my beloved murder mystery aside and thought, maybe I'd play a song. When he walked in the door from work, I was just finishing a tune. He closed the door behind him as I rose from the piano bench, and he stopped where he was..... "Wow! It's been a long time since I've heard that sound" He said

"Heh, I thought I'd give it a whirl, see how it went."  He just smiled and walked out, but I could tell that little by little.... tiny parts of the person I used to be is still returning.... They're like little fragments of sand washing ashore. Who knows, maybe by this time next year, all of the little pieces of Jac will have returned and he'll have the old me back as a whole, good as new and as ornery too. I know he's missed that part the most.... LOL!!!!

The One Who Sees

Really the words were few, but the pain was oh, so deep. I looked into her eyes and I knew.... "She doesn't get it!" "She doesn't see the pain, she doesn't see the hurt!" And at that very moment and time I truly felt that not only did she not get it.... She didn't care. "Well.... Squish me like a bug!!!" That's what I thought, as I lay in bed starring up at the ceiling. Right then a small still voice whispered in my ear.... "No, you're right... She doesn't get it.... She doesn't understand.... It's not hers to get." Like a gentle breeze blowing across my heart the voice said... "It's mine, it's all mine." As my mind began to settle the voice said "The pain, the disappointment, the tears you've shed over the loss of something so dear.... It's all mine."

"I'm the one who cares, I'm the one who sees, and I'm the one that will share your burden." It's true! So many of the things I wish those around me could understand is completely lost on them.But the one who knit me together in my Mother's womb.... Nothing is lost on him. I am his, he is mine and when it all washes out, that's all that really matters. That's not only good news for me, but good news to those around me, because how can I hold someone to standards that can only be filled by Christ? Whew!! At least I know I'm in good hands.