I wish I had a dime for every time I heard someone say..... "And I thought they were suppose to be a Christian!". This statement is usually said with a somewhat scrunched up nose,typically a little side to side head bob, and in a tone of utter disgust. This is the part where I usually bite my tongue (till blood is trickling down my chin), take a deep breath and just try to remain calm and not cry. Why??? Because if there were ever an imperfect person to carry the title of "Christian" it would be me. The only thing that keeps me going, is the knowledge that well people don't need a doctor, nor a hospital. I know I'm sick at heart and the only place to receive true healing is at the foot of the cross.... That's why I'm called a Christian, not because I'm perfect, but because I'm not. I honestly think a lot of people believe Christians claim to be perfect. Trust me I've run across a lot of Christians who believed they were indeed perfect, boy are they in for a big surprise. Every single day of my life I wake up fighting against every fleshly instinct and desire. EVERY DAY!!! My definition of a Christian is someone who does exactly that.... They are fighting with everything they've got not to become everything they shouldn't be and to become everything they should be in Christ. Proclaiming to be a Christian is a hard fought battle.... It is not for the weak at heart. Part of the reason it is so difficult is because if you carry that title everyone around you who doesn't is just waiting for you to slip up..... Waiting for you to fail... Just so they'll have the opportunity to say.... "I thought she was suppose to be a Christian" I'll sadly admit that I myself have been guilty as charged. I've looked at other Christians behavior in distaste and wondered how they had the nerve to set foot in a church. I was raised in a church that believed if you followed the rules and teachings that they put together in a little pamphlet then you were good and could be called a Christian, if you didn't you were damned to hell in a hand basket.The older I've gotten the more I realize that everyone struggles with something. Some people struggle in the dark hoping no one will find out that they are struggling, while others struggle out loud so that no one will be caught by surprise if they find out they're not perfect (I would be the one struggling out loud). Some days I feel like climbing to the roof with a sign that says "I'm fighting for my life". When I lay my head down at night I smile quietly to myself if I think I haven't been a total embarrassment to Christ. On the nights when I know that I have, I hang my head in shame and vow to do better tomorrow. My Christian walk is taken step by step, day by day and none of it is taken lightly. The amount of grace that has poured over me could fill the ocean and the sins that I have been forgiven of would cover the it's floor. I'm a total mess.... If you don't think so, just ask my husband. But my mess is made less by Christ so I can be more in Him. If you're a mess too, I know a place you can go to have a "Mess Reduction".... It won't make you perfect but it will lighten your load.
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