Guilt Trip to Nowhere

My Motto

Being a parent isn't easy. Those cute little bundles of love do not come with instruction manuals tied to their toes and just when you think you've got it figured out, some psychologist comes out with the newest and greatest book debunking all of the parenting methods you've been using. That's why I rarely read parenting books, it was  confusing. After talking to other women, I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one who thinks so. You would think that after the kids are grown and gone you could ease up a little on yourself, but I'm finding out that isn't the way parenting works. Adult children are like the gift that keeps on giving... In the guilt trip department. You finally think you can see light at the end of the parenting tunnel where you can sleep peacefully at night knowing you did your best, then they come up with how your parenting methods were all wrong. Everything you did was unhealthy, harmful, hurtful, or just politically incorrect... As if we didn't know we weren't perfect to begin with. I've done it to my mom, my kids have done it me and my friends kids have done it to them. Everyone has a laundry list of things we wish we would have done differently, times we wish we would have had more patience, and opportunities we missed to impart valuable wisdom instead of freaking out like a mob boss. But life is a trial and error situation with no do-overs and that's why God made psychologist and shrinks (and possibly Prozac) and warns against older women be given to too much wine... Your kids can drive you to drink! (LOL) Seriously, if you went to a psychologist without a mind blowing mother story, you'd be immediately admitted to the psych ward until you remembered the esteem shattering thing she did to turn you into the dark and twisty being you are today. Dads rarely get the bad rap moms do. A friend of mine used to laugh at me when I would tell her my mother/daughter stories.... And then she had one herself. A little part of her thought I exaggerated the drama until her daughter got old enough to walk and talk. Exactly why do moms get all of the attitude? We get the dirty diapers, the spit up, the attitude and then the "You should of's" while good ole dads plays dumb and gets a pass. You know why dads get a pass? It's because men don't do guilt trips. You can send a woman on a guilt trip because the Dairy Queen got your order wrong, but a man isn't going to go there. If a grown kid went to their dad with the idea of sending him on a guilt trip, the man would give them the famous blank look, leaving the child no satisfaction at all. A mother on the other hand will pack her bags, buy her own plane ticket to guilt trip island, never to return again, or until one of her girlfriends comes by to slap some sense
into her and demand she snap out of it and put her granny panties on. Guilt is  something most women naturally believe we deserve for some reasons (probably because of our moms). A therapist I know puts it this way... Okay, so (insert esteem shattering event here) happened when you were a child, now you're an adult and you're the one responsible for your attitude and the direction your life is going... Whatcha gonna do about it?

The greatest line of all Simpson episodes was this.....

Marge: I'm tired of looking like the world's worst mother.

Homer: Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?

Story of my life.

The Oldest Parents on the Block

I'm too old for this :-(

I walked in the house the other day and found this packet on the dining room table. I picked it up and went upstairs to my bedroom (hidie hole). I laid the packet on the dresser and kind of stared at it with maybe just a tad of disgust. This is it! This is the last time I'm going to thumb through high school graduation invitations and such and have heart palpitations because I have another chick about to fly the coup. Home movies played through my mind as I stared at the yet unopened packet. I replayed a conversation I had with my daughter during her graduation year....

Me: Looked  like most of your friends parents are kind of old

Aja: Yeah, they're the same age you're going to be when Caleb graduates.

Me: You could have gone the rest of your life without saying that

Aja: Well, it's true

Me: Well, we may be the oldest by then but we'll still be the coolest

Sweet in a "Don't touch me" kind of way

10 years later, we are definitely the oldest and most certainly not the coolest (although I think we are cooler than we are given credit for). At some time during the last almost 18 years, the lines around our eyes have deepened, and our cool factor just fell completely off. Now we endure eye rolls that scream.... "You guys are sooo old... Can I have gas money?" The other day my husband was telling my son that another one of his High School friends had passed away. This is the 4th friend he has lost this year. With complete seriousness my son asked him.... "What did he die from.... Like, just old age?" He wasn't even trying to smart off, he actually thought our friends are dropping like flies from old age! I would probably be more upset about having a Senior in High School, but I'm just too tired. After the a summer of teenage boy shenanigans, empty nest is sounding better and better. Not really, but there have been days.... Unlike my first two Seniors, this one doesn't see what all of the fuss is about. He thinks having Senior pictures taken is dumb.... "I don't really see the point" he tells me. I thought I might use the senior pictures as leverage to convince him to get a haircut, but he totally wasn't buying into that idea (fine, let him be forever frozen in time with long black hair wearing a toboggan). I can't see him wanting to participate in Project

Just wanna pinch those cheeks kinda sweet
No Shenanigans here

Graduation (not sure I could stay up all night anyway), and I'm almost certain he will nix my tradition of hosting a post prom backyard breakfast buffet, because he thinks proms are dumb. I guess I'll just zip my lip and not try to force him to be excited. My "Smile, we're making memories" line spoken from behind a camera worked better with the first two kids, now I just get a blank stare as he peeks through his black bangs and rolls his eyes at me. That's fine, that's just fine, I won't force the issue, I will however be more than happy to submit the childhood picture for the school's senior video (evil little grin). It will be the sweet one of him at age 3, barefoot in  little overalls sitting next to a giant rabbit. Yes, a picture taken back in the day when he didn't know he had the oldest parents on the block.

Perfect World

I sat on the front steps this afternoon and watched as the elementary school on the corner let out. Little ones with their backpacks on, tiny fingers clasped tightly in the hands of moms as they crossed the street to their minivans with booster seats... It all seemed so sweet and innocent and oh so far away.  Seems like in a perfect world you would be allowed to hold them tightly in your lap forever, never letting go... But in a perfect world you wouldn't have to worry about letting them go, because no one or no thing would mean them any harm. This isn't a perfect world and forever in my lap isn't possible... But oh if it were, all would be right...