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Monday, June 22, 2015

Unfathomable Love

The door to The Refuge apartment complex opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of my oldest son. After a quick hug, a friend of his who frequently joins our Sunday family time, walked by and gave me a quick hug. In the hallway,  3 women, my daughter-in-law included, stood around an open closet. As we approached, I saw my grandson and another toddler exploring things inside the closet. It was a communal toy closet. Levi was sitting on the floor gnawing away on a Darth Vadar toy. The toddler turned and jabbered to Levi in typical toddler gibberish. My daughter-in-law looked at us and explained that he had his own language. I sat on the floor and watch as the two interacted and practiced the art of "sharing", which is so difficult at that age. Levi finally looked up and gifted me with a sweet smile. This child has absolutely no idea how thoroughly he is loved by his LolliPops. My hands lay quietly in my lap, but my fingers itched to pick
him up and kiss him all over. Another part of me could have just sat there all day watching him learn to interact in his environment. Is it just me, or is watching your grandchild the most mesmerizing experience in life? Sometimes I feel guilty because when Levi is in the room, everything and everyone else fades into the background.  Nothing exists but him. Is that a bad thing? I lay in bed at night and wonder what kind of relationship we will have. Will he know me.... I mean really know me? Will he come to look forward when he hears LolliPops is coming to visit? Every fiber of my being prays that I have a relationship with him that I did not get to have with my grandparents. I was one of dozens of grandkids to grandparents who were already elderly when I was small. Being one of many, I intentionally desired for my kids to have a closer relationship with my parents. What will the future
bring for lil Levi and me? We were in town for my son's birthday/Father's day. We loaded into our cars and headed for the restaurant. Levi is a good natured guy, but he is also a busy little bee. We take turns walking around with him while we eat. Staying in one place is not his idea of a good time. When it's my turn to walk with him, I go to the front of the restaurant and we look outside at the people and cars. He studies everything intently. A restaurant worker caught his eye as she changed the liner of the trash can. He stared so intensely, I swear I could almost see and hear the little gears in his head, taking it all in and figuring it all out. When we got back to our seat, his mom gave him a little piece of tomato. He sucked it into his mouth and began to gum it. When he swallowed it, he looked at us with a great big grin, knowing that he had done something amazing and looking for the reward of our happy faces and cheers. he would wrinkle up his little nose and make funny faces as my heart did back flips and summersaults. It took every bit of restraint to keep me from standing on my chair to announce to the restaurant, that they were in the presence of greatness which also happened to be my grandson. I knew such behavior would not have been looked upon favorably by my children, so I just sat there and took pictures, hoping to capture the moment... The expressions... The wonder... The joy! When we got home from our visit, I thought about how he is like a sponge,  soaking everything up, taking everything in, filing everything away, processing every sight and sound like a massive mother board from some advanced civilization beyond my imagination. This must be how God feels about us... If his love for us is half as much as mine is for this child, then it is beyond my comprehension and grows with each passing day. It... is..... Unfathomable.

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