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Monday, January 17, 2011

Sleepless In Seattle... Just Getting Out of Bed

This may seem like a really dumb post to some, but it means something to me. If you don't "get it" then you probably aren't meant to "get it" and that's ok. It's my healing, and only my husband and I really understands what that means. Feel free to hit the delete button cause that's what it's there for:-)
This scene from Sleepless In Seattle never fails to move me, but especially last year. I hadn't lost my husband, but I did lose someone I was very close to.... Myself. Day after day I felt these words tumble around my mind... "Just get up Jac, act and react the way you remember you used to. Breathe in and out as if it was natural and at some point being natural will return. If you do it well enough, no one will see how lost you really are, and at some point, you will return." Several months after my injury, we had two people at our church speak about the tragic loss of their loved ones and how God had lead them through those dark times and used the experience to give hope to others. My oldest son sat on one side of me and my husband sat on the other side. Their testimonies were so powerful and moving till there wasn't a dry eye in the house... Well, maybe one... mine. The stirring of emotions had been, to a large part, stripped away since the injury. I sat through movies and commercials that would usually bring me to tears, and feel nothing. Not even a slight sting of recognition. It was a very unsettling feeling and one that left me feeling very isolated. My fear was that I would never genuinely
feel emotion again. With much prayer and time, I am happy to say those emotions are coming back and are at times in full force (just ask my husband). This Sunday the couple who had lost their only daughter spoke again. When I began to cry as they spoke I knew that another little piece of me had returned. I didn't have to fake it, I didn't have to remind myself how I should react, those emotions were really there, sitting in my lap and rolling down my cheeks and it felt so good.

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