Question and Answer Segment of Heaven

My Husband said this weekend.... "I'm sick of being sick." This weekend he came down with something... Who knows if it was what I had or something different. I just know he felt bad enough to miss work which almost never happens. I wore my happy pants all day Saturday but I must have forgotten and put them in the laundry Saturday night because this morning I woke up with that terrible blue feeling... Not the overwhelming sadness I had last year, just an achy sadness in the pit of my chest. After my pity fest in the bubble bath (what a great place to cry your heart out to God), I put my big girl panties on and kept the demons at bay for most of the day.When I get to heaven, after the rejoicing has taken place and everyone has settled down, I'd really like to ask God just a few simple questions... You know during the question and answer portion of eternity that's scheduled sometime right after the praise and worship service.Why women were born with so many dadgum emotions? A woman's emotions are a lot like the weather in Oklahoma.... Probably one of the few states where you can experience every season all in one day and sometimes all in the same day. Thanks to the abundance of raging hormones God gave women,or at least this woman, I can, and have, routinely experienced every human emotion and sometimes done so within minutes of each other. Thankfully it doesn't happen all the time, but I really hate it each time it does happen. Some of the things I beat myself up over today.....

A) I'm not as good a friend to people as I once was
B) I should have handled last year better
C) I must be a bad person because I can't fix other people's 
   people's problems
D) I felt guilty because my husband was sick (I'm sure I made        him that way) and I was getting over being sick so I
   skipped church
E) I was angry at the medical profession because there are still
   illnesses they don't know how to cure that I feel should have
   been cured long ago (Can I hear an Amen Sista?)
F) A friend who has had breast cancer is going through yet
   another surgery and I am unable to "stand in" for her so
   she won't have to go through it
G) A little patient on Grey's Anatomy had to break up with his
   long time girlfriend in order to receive his long awaited
   lung transplant 

The good news is... Apparently I didn't have enough to worry about today so my mind created all kinds of junk to moan about. Could be worse, this day could have lasted forever like it did last year, but thank God it didn't.

My Thoughts Went Back to Yesterday

Tried as hard as I may today...

My thoughts went back to yesterday...

Blurry visions in black and white...

Shadows hiding in bright moon light...

Tender words I now recall...

Tears upon my cheeks did fall...

Were they merely dreams of the night...

Or fantasy of my wounded mind...

The sadness they bring to me now....

Leave me wondering, the where, the why, the how...

The mind's a deep and haunting place...

The hidden secrets leave no trace...

The narrow passage of time shall bring...

Healing to  most painful things...

The lips from which the words did come...

Feed the wonder I wonder upon...

Did they know my name...

Did they say it dear...

Or did I imagined what I did not hear

Yet when  my mind wonders still...

Will certain parts quite ever heal...

And if they do will scars remain...

Of the thing time has yet to change...

Tried as hard as I may today....

My thoughts went back to yesterday....

The Sound of Music

Last week on our vacation was the first time in over a year that I had played the piano. I have dusted it, I had polished, but I hadn't played it since my injury. Last week  the piano bar must have broken the ice for me on that desire again. Last year my brain could barely remember my name, much less co-ordinate with my fingers to come up with anything related to music.  I promised my puppies would once again lounge in the living room with me lulling them to sleep. For some reason I always seemed to play while I was waiting. Waiting my for husband to get ready, waiting for him to get home, waiting for someone to pick me up.

Tonight I lay my beloved murder mystery aside and thought, maybe I'd play a song. When he walked in the door from work, I was just finishing a tune. He closed the door behind him as I rose from the piano bench, and he stopped where he was..... "Wow! It's been a long time since I've heard that sound" He said

"Heh, I thought I'd give it a whirl, see how it went."  He just smiled and walked out, but I could tell that little by little.... tiny parts of the person I used to be is still returning.... They're like little fragments of sand washing ashore. Who knows, maybe by this time next year, all of the little pieces of Jac will have returned and he'll have the old me back as a whole, good as new and as ornery too. I know he's missed that part the most.... LOL!!!!

Let Your Ripples Sparkle and Dance All the Way to the Shore

My daughter is in the process of making a very important life choice. Will she continue with the military a few more years or will she come home and begin the business of having her life as her own again?

It sounds like it would be an easy decision, but it has caused her a lot of stress. She has had to assess where she is in life as opposed to where she wants to be. She has had to calculate the best path to take, to get where she wants to be. She has had to look at what her hearts desires are and what path to take to see them fulfilled. There are always a multitude of angles that must be considered  when making these decisions. My son is in the process of opening his own business. He has a ton of choices to make, location, promotion, long-term vs. short-term goals. These decisions will not only affect him but those who are in business with him and the future of their families years down the road. Those are not decisions that can or should be taken lightly. He's also had to make the decision to resign from his current position as volunteer coordinator at the shelter where he works. The shelter, the people he has worked with and the clients he has helped has been a big part of his life the last couple of years and although he isn't letting it go completely, he won't be as intimately involved as he has been. There's a little ache there, the pains of letting go.  Life goes on, you make choices when you are young and those choices follow you around one way or another

for the rest of your life. Some choices seem like no big deal, but will they seem that way years down the road? Our choices mold
us into the people we become and the goal is to never stop becoming.... always becoming
more. It may seem that the choices of your
youth are more difficult than the choices you make as you mature, that isn't so.
Everyday I wake up to a multitude of choices that will effect not only me, but my co-workers, family, friends and my future grandchildren.

Most choices are Black/White, Right/Wrong, and I think I'm the one who adds the gray area that tends to cause the problems. Some mornings I wake up and I am raring to make good choices, other mornings I have to make a concentrated effort to be wise, focused and thoughtful with my choices.... To pick up my cross and bear it for the cause of Christ.  I told someone the other day that when Christ said "It is finished", as he died on the cross not only was he talking about the work he came to do, but the fact that the battle against his flesh (because he did battle it) was over. I believe that Christ, being fully human, experienced the draining, exhausting battle

between the Spirit and Flesh. So when I feel like giving up and just flipping a coin for the choice of the day, I have to remember it's not all about me. Like ripples in a pond caused by one drop of water.... Those ripples sparkle and dance all the way to the shore where others are standing, watching the mesmerizing affect one drop of water can make. Not all choices are do or die choices.
Often the most difficult choice of the day is when I get up in the morning and search for the perfect pair of shoes (those are the good days). The first choice of the day can determine the

direction your day takes. Just try wearing an uncomfortable, ugly pair of shoes all day and you will know that first choice can determine the smile or the frown on your face at the end of the day. Go out there today and make the best choices you can and if you remember nothing else, remember this... If you truly want to make an impact, fashion always trumps comfort and immediate gratification can cost you a lifetime of ripples on the pond of life. How are your ripples going to sparkle and dance today? Hopefully in a very good way...

Please Don't Give Me a Hard Time

Discounting the last year, I'm not one who typically has the urge to give someone a piece of my mind.  Mostly, because there isn't that much to share, but also because it's just not my nature. Some people thrive on setting themselves up as judge, jury and executioner as well as the moral authority on all things and all people. The people they target don't necessarily have to have anything to do with them.... The situation may not effect them at all (as in it's none of their business), but still they are just itching to jump right in the big middle, with judgement in hand. I just don't think I have that kind of energy, plus.... OMG what if I was wrong and made the wrong judgment call?  I had one of these people digging in my garden last week, trolling up things they knew nothing about, making all the wrong assumptions and then publicly trying to crucify me.  I was laying in the bed with a raging fever and felt like my throat had been scalped by Indians (no offense to Indians). I got a notice on my phone about what this person had said. It was like someone pulled a rip cord deep inside of me and righteous indignation (well there wasn't much that was righteous about it) came shooting out of my ears. Before I knew it I had allowed this person to drag me down to their level (I should have beaten the dog out of them while I was there, JK). Later, when the fever (legitimate fever... I had strep) had passed, I was humiliated that I had taken the bait like a catfish lurking under a rock waiting for a worm. Last year when I was in the throws of recovery from my injury, I had a lot of those moments.... Oh how I wish I could take them back. It was like a ball of fire would hit the wrong button and I became a nuclear weapon that had no control. The head injury was a legitimate excuse, but still the thought of me acting like that has humbled me greatly... Because head injury or not, if it hadn't been hidden in my heart somewhere,it  wouldn't have been able to come out. I may have a hard time forgiving myself over this, but I have to believe, in faith, that God is my judge and I'm good with Him. Some people live their entire lives in this state of ugliness. I am so thankful that my state was temporary even if it did seem to last an eternity. Why would anyone willingly live in such a state? It truly baffles my mind and makes me terribly sad. There are countless injustices that happen every day in every one's life, but you can't live your life set on go (or in constant attack mode). Thinking over the last year, when I remember those feeling of being out of control, it brings so much shame to me that as I blog tears stream down my cheeks. I so don't want to be one of those people. I truly want to have a compassionate heart even for those who are blatantly making bad (and sometimes wicked) choices. I just pray that God will keep my heart ever tender.... Even to those who mean to cause me or others harm. If it's a process for me (someone who doesn't have a mean nature), I can't imagine what it must be like for those who do. I feel sorry for those who do choose to live a life of hatefulness, even if they attempt to drape a cloth of "best intentions" around it and advertise it as justice.I saw a facebook post the other day that said... 

"There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down ...is a part of LIFE, getting back up is LIVING"

Gosh, that is so true. I had someone ask me the other day why I didn't have any desire to be around certain people. My reply was as simple and straight forward as it could be... "Because they are mean hateful people" I don't have the time or the energy for that. Life is too short to live it in the presence of those who try to make it harder than it is. Give me happy people, give me laughter, give me joy, but please don't give me a hard time.

 

 

 

 

 

Do Not Touch Makes Me Curious Like a Cat

Last night I got home from work and was hurrying upstairs to change clothes. One of my son's friends must have thought it would be a hoot to egg my cute little clown car (It's a Cube). I was going to run to the car wash before it did any damage to the paint. As I began upstairs tugging at my clothes as I went, I noticed a gadget or something on the breakfast nook table with a handwritten sign under it that said "DO NOT TOUCH!".... Now why, did he have to do that? If I wasn't suppose to touch it, there should have been no sign saying do not touch..... It just should have been. I cannot tell you how my fingers itched to touch that stupid gadget that apparently was in the process of downloading music. I came back downstairs and I walked by the note several times, looked, pondered, paced.... I had this overwhelming desire to just touch it. I really needed to go wash my car, but gosh, the temptation was torture!!! I just couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I had touched it? Would it explode? Would anyone even know I had touched it? Was there a hidden camera around somewhere waiting to see what I would really do? I went ahead and drove to the car wash still pondering why I wasn't suppose to touch. When I got home, luck has it that my son had gotten home first and was working on the gadget so all curiosity was nipped in the bud. How much fun would it be to touch with supervision, so I couldn't screw something up??? Not much I'll tell you that. I'm the one who has to touch the desserts in a resturant display to see if they are plastic or real. Occasionally I'm shocked to find whipped cream on my finger from a display of the real thing! I'm always a little embarrassed when that happens because the hostess will look at me like I've lost my mind. I can't help it, I'm just curious... curious like a cat... "That's why they call me Whiskers... Which leads me to the best skit of all times....

Creme Brule vs. Jello

My husband and I are laying in bed. He is reading his Kindle which would mean he was reading a autobiography on some musician (boring!), and I was reading my futuristic murder mystery with just a touch of romance... not too much just enough. The following conversation (if you could really call it that) occurred.... I turn my head to stare at him while batting my eyes so fast you would have thought a wind storm was taking place in the bedroom (don't worry, this is sooo a rated G story). Nothing, I get nothing even though I know he knows I am staring at him. So.... I gently elbow him... Still nothing... I give a long deep sigh which was strong enough to blow him out of bed.... He glances over then returns to his Kindle.... Another elbow, this time not so gentle... Finally he asked.... "What?".... I say "I'm batting my eyes at you".... He glances over and acknowledges, that yes indeed

I am batting my eyes.... He goes back to the kindle.... Now my stare is getting intense, he can feel the heat but is trying to ignore it.... Finally I say... "Do I always bat my eyes at you?", to which he replies.... "Yes, in fact you do always bat your eyes at me".... Little more elbow with a tad more muscle in it..... He looks over... "What!?"... "Why won't you let me have a cat?"... He says, "I told you that you could have a cat".... I counter with.... "Yeah, but you don't want a cat".... He looks over and says... "Actually I do want a cat." Okay, now I have an admission, this may work.... "But you won't

let me have a Persian." He flatly says... "No, I want a small, female, short haired cat." (Houston here is our problem) "They are so... so... ordinary." I tell him.... "No they're not" he says, "they shed less." Try as I might my bottom lip begins to do the pout thing (used to work better than it does these days), "But they aren't special, they're ordinary, who wants just an ordinary ally cat? What's fun about that?"... "They make the best pets." he says... "How the heck do you know, all we've ever had are long haired pretty cats." I tell him.... "Douglas was a short haired and he was very special." He tells me.... "Douglas was

brain damaged!!! And totally ugly and weird!".... "No he wasn't, MK could hit his tail with a sledge hammer and he never felt it.... He was cool!" OMG, this was a stupid cat they used to have where he worked. They found it with a peanut butter jar stuck on it's head and it's tail had no feeling.... Of course, why would it with guys like that playing with it? "I had short haired when I was a kid." He said. Ugh!!!! "Get whatever you want, you usually do." he tells me. "No, dang it, I'm trying to be submissive and let you do the whole head of the family thing and I don't want a long haired cat unless you want one too." That should have totally brought him over to my side of the fence, I mean the whole being submissive thing and head of the family thing should have just had him jumping right over that fence, but NO! He goes right on reading, ignoring the batting of the eyes, the little pouty lip thing, just

ignoring it all. See this is why I usually just go out and do what I want to do without asking. It's so hard to engage in a Fox Network News "Fair and balanced" debate when the other person won't engage.... Dangit! Fine, just fine! So I need to talk, I'll talk to someone else... I'll text my friend.... "He says I can have a cat but he wants a short haired girl. ORDINARY!" Without hesitation she replies.... "LOL, at least you can have one. I have one for you. It's probably inbred... That's not ordinary... LOL" I text back "I don't just want any cat, I want a designer cat not a walmart cat, no offense. I could insist but I'm trying to be agreeable (trying a different approach). She replies "LMAO, non takin. You are creme brule... I'm jello. I'm happy being jello." Even my texting conversation isn't going as planned... She is suppose to be on my side, it's written in the by-laws of Girl World. "Yeah, I am a little Creme Brule." I really am trying to change. It sucks when you want things the way you want them but you're stuck in the frozen food section at Wal-Mart (on groundhog day no less).So, I go to the Humane Society (I go, I don't meander there because I'm not on vacation). They had a couple of pretty cats, but both were of course, long haired. I petted a few, waited for something to jump out at me and say "Take me to my forever home." Can't say one of them really did, especially given the "restrictions" I'm under.  They had a beautiful Maine Coon, which is no ordinary cat. A Maine Coon has the personality of a dog, not a cat and they are funny, funny, but also have very long hair. I guess since I'm a little like Sally (on when Harry Met Sally)....

"If not, then nothing at all"... "You mean no pie?".... "No, I'll take the pie but not heated.".... 

Unless a miracle of biblical proportion happens (like when Jesus turned the water into wine)and somehow this Creme Brule is turned to jello, I get no cat. When my two dogs pass away I'll just be a petless woman with an empty nest... Because if I can't be Creme Brele I'll just be nothing at all.

How was that? Was it pathetic enough, but not too pathetic? Just the perfect amount of pathetic to make him cave???? Probably not, the head of the house rules  DANGIT!

Addendum: My daughter called last night and like most Daddy's girls can do, completely changed his way of thinking about cats:-) So maybe I can be a generic version of Creme Brule. I am a little offended that his sudden turn around didn't have anything to do with my eye lashes, how fast I batted them, or my renown pout... I still get points for being submissive too, because if all goes well, I'll bring the cat home today when I could have brought it home yesterday before he had seen the light....