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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Creme Brule vs. Jello

My husband and I are laying in bed. He is reading his Kindle which would mean he was reading a autobiography on some musician (boring!), and I was reading my futuristic murder mystery with just a touch of romance... not too much just enough. The following conversation (if you could really call it that) occurred.... I turn my head to stare at him while batting my eyes so fast you would have thought a wind storm was taking place in the bedroom (don't worry, this is sooo a rated G story). Nothing, I get nothing even though I know he knows I am staring at him. So.... I gently elbow him... Still nothing... I give a long deep sigh which was strong enough to blow him out of bed.... He glances over then returns to his Kindle.... Another elbow, this time not so gentle... Finally he asked.... "What?".... I say "I'm batting my eyes at you".... He glances over and acknowledges, that yes indeed
I am batting my eyes.... He goes back to the kindle.... Now my stare is getting intense, he can feel the heat but is trying to ignore it.... Finally I say... "Do I always bat my eyes at you?", to which he replies.... "Yes, in fact you do always bat your eyes at me".... Little more elbow with a tad more muscle in it..... He looks over... "What!?"... "Why won't you let me have a cat?"... He says, "I told you that you could have a cat".... I counter with.... "Yeah, but you don't want a cat".... He looks over and says... "Actually I do want a cat." Okay, now I have an admission, this may work.... "But you won't
let me have a Persian." He flatly says... "No, I want a small, female, short haired cat." (Houston here is our problem) "They are so... so... ordinary." I tell him.... "No they're not" he says, "they shed less." Try as I might my bottom lip begins to do the pout thing (used to work better than it does these days), "But they aren't special, they're ordinary, who wants just an ordinary ally cat? What's fun about that?"... "They make the best pets." he says... "How the heck do you know, all we've ever had are long haired pretty cats." I tell him.... "Douglas was a short haired and he was very special." He tells me.... "Douglas was
brain damaged!!! And totally ugly and weird!".... "No he wasn't, MK could hit his tail with a sledge hammer and he never felt it.... He was cool!" OMG, this was a stupid cat they used to have where he worked. They found it with a peanut butter jar stuck on it's head and it's tail had no feeling.... Of course, why would it with guys like that playing with it? "I had short haired when I was a kid." He said. Ugh!!!! "Get whatever you want, you usually do." he tells me. "No, dang it, I'm trying to be submissive and let you do the whole head of the family thing and I don't want a long haired cat unless you want one too." That should have totally brought him over to my side of the fence, I mean the whole being submissive thing and head of the family thing should have just had him jumping right over that fence, but NO! He goes right on reading, ignoring the batting of the eyes, the little pouty lip thing, just
ignoring it all. See this is why I usually just go out and do what I want to do without asking. It's so hard to engage in a Fox Network News "Fair and balanced" debate when the other person won't engage.... Dangit! Fine, just fine! So I need to talk, I'll talk to someone else... I'll text my friend.... "He says I can have a cat but he wants a short haired girl. ORDINARY!" Without hesitation she replies.... "LOL, at least you can have one. I have one for you. It's probably inbred... That's not ordinary... LOL" I text back "I don't just want any cat, I want a designer cat not a walmart cat, no offense. I could insist but I'm trying to be agreeable (trying a different approach). She replies "LMAO, non takin. You are creme brule... I'm jello. I'm happy being jello." Even my texting conversation isn't going as planned... She is suppose to be on my side, it's written in the by-laws of Girl World. "Yeah, I am a little Creme Brule." I really am trying to change. It sucks when you want things the way you want them but you're stuck in the frozen food section at Wal-Mart (on groundhog day no less).So, I go to the Humane Society (I go, I don't meander there because I'm not on vacation). They had a couple of pretty cats, but both were of course, long haired. I petted a few, waited for something to jump out at me and say "Take me to my forever home." Can't say one of them really did, especially given the "restrictions" I'm under.  They had a beautiful Maine Coon, which is no ordinary cat. A Maine Coon has the personality of a dog, not a cat and they are funny, funny, but also have very long hair. I guess since I'm a little like Sally (on when Harry Met Sally)....

"If not, then nothing at all"... "You mean no pie?".... "No, I'll take the pie but not heated.".... 

Unless a miracle of biblical proportion happens (like when Jesus turned the water into wine)and somehow this Creme Brule is turned to jello, I get no cat. When my two dogs pass away I'll just be a petless woman with an empty nest... Because if I can't be Creme Brele I'll just be nothing at all.

How was that? Was it pathetic enough, but not too pathetic? Just the perfect amount of pathetic to make him cave???? Probably not, the head of the house rules  DANGIT!

Addendum: My daughter called last night and like most Daddy's girls can do, completely changed his way of thinking about cats:-) So maybe I can be a generic version of Creme Brule. I am a little offended that his sudden turn around didn't have anything to do with my eye lashes, how fast I batted them, or my renown pout... I still get points for being submissive too, because if all goes well, I'll bring the cat home today when I could have brought it home yesterday before he had seen the light....

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