A Sucker on Cloud 9

My friend and I booked spa treatments for the Friday of our cruise. We tried to book them together, but since we weren't booking a couples treatment, the computer wouldn't let us do it at the same time.  We thought about changing it to a couples massage, but that might be a little weird, so we left it as is was with me getting up at the (excuse the term) butt-crack of dawn for my treatment. Ugh! I so didn't want to have to get up

early on vacation, even if it was to be rubbed and oiled down. But, I put on my big girl panties(again), as well as one of the luscious robes they had in our room, and padded to the spa. Thank God there wasn't anyone around at that hour! When I walked into the spa, I was still half asleep. The atmosphere was the epitome of tranquility. I gave them my name and one of them escorted me(I'm not kidding) into this quiet room filled with soft music, comfy couches, and a table with fruit and water. She handed me a clipboard with a questionnaire and told me to make myself comfortable until they called my name. The questionnaire was a little confusing. It asked me what had brought me in today... "Hm, vacation?" Then it wanted to know what my stress level was. I didn't know if they were talking about right that second, on a daily basis, or life in general. Complicated questions like this should not be asked when one is

only wearing a robe. As soon as I finished the questionnaire, a little Asian woman called my name. She introduced herself as... Yeah, I'm not good with names when I'm awake, much less when I'm half asleep. But she was tiny, with a soft little voice and moved very quietly as she took me to the room. I selected the "Elemis Aroma Stone Therapy" which is a 75 minute massage (well not really 75 minutes) using hot stones. Once she finished asking me questions and started the rubbing and massaging, I fell right back into a peaceful cloud 9 sleep which she rudely (not really rudely, but you know how irritated it is to be awakened from a peaceful sleep) and told me she would give me a few minutes to get dressed, then she would be back with her "recommendations". I lay there comptemplating the consequences if I simply refused to leave the room. What's the worst that could happen? We're out in the middle of the ocean, they couldn't kick me off the ship. In spite of how funny I thought it would be to blog about getting kicked off the ship for refusing to leave the spa, I complied with her request and put my robe on and waited. She came back in the room all smiles and whispers and told me things I didn't know about my aches and pains. Apparently, my shoulder that aches all the time when I'm sitting at a computer... Wasn't hurting that day at all... Go figure! Maybe because I hadn't seen a computer in a week, but I'm probably cranky because I got up so early. She did detect some tension in my lower back. Silly woman, that's not tension, that's my colon. The myth that what goes in must come out isn't necessarily true for everyone and I'd been stuffing a lot in the last 5 days. I just smiled and kept my too much information to myself since she was being so sweet. Then she said I had a lot of toxin build up in my forearms, possibly from carpal tunnel she said. So.... She handed me a little packet and explained she wanted me to use the powder at night when I took a bath. She told me to soak and it would remove all the toxin build up in my muscles and I would feel so much better. As I wiped the corners of my mouth where the drool had pooled up, the brain fog from the hypnotic aroma therapy (and her sales pitch) was beginning to slowly lift. Second, she handed me a bottle of oil, I was to use it every night, only on the areas she spoke about, and be sure to use it every night.... Her voice becoming more Asian with every little detail... Fog lifting, fog lifting. When she finished explaining everything to me, she smiled sweetly, shrugged her shoulders and said... "You take?" Okay, fog completely gone now. So, it's a profit thing huh? They pull you in with aromic stones and then milk you dry with their "recommendations". Dang it, and I was feeling so good too. Hmm, so I'm guessing these aren't free samples she's offering me... "How much is it?" I asked her, like I was seriously considering it... "Oh, well.... The oil is $65.00 dol-lor" she replied just like the Asian nail girls (that will be 5 dol-lor more!) "And".... She hesitated as she touched the little packet I held in my hand, "Zzz, packets come in box of 10... And that comes to... $175.00 a box." She said really fast like I wouldn't be able to count that early in the morning. I think she could feel my carpal tunnel starting to tense as I shook my head and said.... "No, I can't do that!" Not seeming surprised at all, she just smiled and then said... "Okay, you take only oil." Seriously?!? I know, I know, I should have stood my ground and just refused.... But she seemed so little and sweet, and I hate disappointing people and... Well... Compared to $175.00, $65.00 is cheap. I know, I can hear it too.... "We've got a sucker on cloud 9. Repeat, Sucker on cloud 9!" My $65.00 of oil is still in the box, hidden in my night stand. I'm afraid to open it for two reasons.... 1) If I open it, I can't return it (I know, this makes no sense. I bought it in the middle of the ocean). 2)If I open it and use it, I'm afraid it will be magical and I'll think I can't live without it... "Sucker on cloud 9... Repeat, Sucker on cloud 9)