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Monday, February 25, 2013

Cheating at Putt-Putt, The Rules of Checkers and Blackmail

A co-worker came by my office this afternoon to inquire about the cruise. Our conversation came around to the putt-putt game we played the day our excursion got canceled.  The putt-putt course was a lot of fun, and I was playing well. Unfortunately, I wasn't the score keeper or I would have played better. LOL!  On one hole, I came soooo close to a hole in one it was scary. The ball teetered on the edge of the cup and if the ship had just shifted a smidge, I would have had it!  I thought that a slight little blow would do it, but it didn't..... I just don't have enough hot air (I don't care who you are, that's funny). On the last hole of the course, my friend's husband was faced with the same situation. I was jumping for joy right up to the point where my husband leaned over and told him he should get down and try to blow it in the hole like I had previously done. Why do men always feel like they need to win everything?  My husband hardly ever says two words and he chooses NOW to speak up with  a suggestion that could cost me the game?  So, down he goes on all fours like a puppy dog.... Oh how I wish I had  a picture of that! Sure enough, he had WAY more hot air in him than I could ever muster up regardless of how many blogs I wrote and in that ball went! Dang it!!!  Apparently, by Sooner mathematical calculations.... He beat me by one point. One point! Insert eye roll here. After putt-putt we squared off in a giant game of checkers you move with your feet. I make a move and he crossed his arms and told me I can't do that. I think to myself.... "This is vacation and you're not the boss of me!", but I don't say it out loud. His wife looks at me with her eyebrows raised like.... "Welcome to my world" and just shakes her head.  I ask him why the heck not? Much like Sooner mathematics, Sooner checker rules says if you have the opportunity to jump an opponent, you must make the jump.... "That's not right!" I challenged him. I have never heard that rule before in my life. Every person I asked on deck (and at dinner) said they had never heard the rule either. Then he tells me to Google it! What
kind of nerd Goggles the rules to checkers? Finally he dropped it and let me play the way I wanted to, and I still lost. Grrrr! So later my friend and I are looking around when her husband comes up and shoves his Blackberry in my face and says.... "Read that" What!? My gosh, back it up Buddy, I'm not blind you know (now that really IS funny). Yes, he had Googled the rules of checkers, to not only show me that I was wrong, but so that I would know just how wrong I was. Who does that? Again, his wife gives me the.... "Welcome to my world" look and shakes her head, she's not surprised, he's acted like this for 30 years, she's used to it.  After the conversation with my co-worker, the co-worker goes into his office to inquire about stooping to any level to beat someone at putt-putt, to which he fully admitted to as well as, "Making himself a cushion" to win.  I stood in the doorway, he sat at his desk and our co-worker stood in the middle as he explained his "pitiful" (words from his wife) behavior.  He told his version of the events, as I commentated. Our co-worker's head spun around from hither to yon, trying to decipher the explanation (his version) vs. the truth (my version), until finally,  he became a little seasick himself. He just looked at me and explained he was trying to listen to both of us at the same time, but was having difficulty taking it all in... "Imagine a shorter, red-headed version of myself standing next to me,  the two of us commentating in unison. Visualize that and you will know exactly what the week was like for
both our husbands." I told him. They were OVERWHELMED with information and commentary.  If our guys  talk, we commentate, because if things are going to have to be factual (both of our men are factual guys) and even if it is about nerdy things like the rules of checkers, we want it embellished and animated. They state the facts, we embellish with commentary.  That's why we are each perfect couples and make perfect friends!!! That's a fact Jac! Finally (I'm sure both of them were thrilled), I went back to my office. I was working on a spreadsheet when I heard him say.... "I have two words of warning.... Baretta.... Cockatoo..."  With the most bored look I could muster up, I glanced over at him and said.... "You don't scare me. I'll blog it before you can tell it which takes away all the power." He stared at me for a second (you could almost see his little engineer gears spinning), then dropped his head and walked away, because he KNEW, there was just no winning on that.

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