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Saturday, February 9, 2013

Carnival Magic Take Me Away, It's Time to Make Some Memories

I saved the spreadsheet I had been working on and clicked out. Attempting to drag myself out of the fog of concentration I had been in for hours, I pulled "The Box" from beneath my desk. In bold lettering the box read... "To be shredded! Hold till frustration level has reached maximum capacity!" It was full to over flowing with scraped paper, magazines and junk mail... It would be my release. I scooped the papers into my arms, popped
out of my seat like a Jac-in-the-box and headed for the shredder. After checking to make sure the bag didn't need emptying, I began cramming (ever so gently in case the I.T. guy is reading) papers into the hungry mouth of the beast. I stood in the big room void of any chitchat and tried to relax.... Shove, relax.... Shove, relax. It was kind of like kickboxing, but not as physical. Shove.... "Just a few more days".... Relax.... "Just a few more days". I had a birthday coming up on Valentine's Day.... Shove... Relax. The ugly kind of birthday with a zero at the end. Shove... Relax. One of those birthdays that caused people to feel compelled to greet you with a wheelchair Shove...Relax, to try to suffocate you by filling your office with black balloons   Shove...Relax,and giving you cake defiled by heaping mounds of black icing that turns your lips,teeth and tongue an eerie shade of blue, which does nothing to minimize the tiny lines around your mouth. Shove... Relax... Not that I've ever been party to this type of behavior... Shove...Relax, but I have heard about it and seen others tortured in said manner... Shove...Relax. Yeah, one of those birthdays. Although I've been accused of lying about my age in years past, in reality I never have. That was fixing to change. It's not that I'm ashamed of my age.... But, I have... Well, I have a speech impediment which prevents me from forming certain  "F-Words" properly. So, being the linguistic fanatic I am...  I'm just scooching my age back a couple of years to a number my tongue is more comfortable with. That's my story and
I'm sticking to it. Being the wannabe event planner that I am, I've spent the last year, planning ways to avoid being punked on my birthday... I simply won't be here. Missing in action is the plan. Instead of being the butt of a slew of over the hill jokes, I'll be laughing it up with my husband, a couple of friends and a few dozen high school classmates on the high seas. Instead of suffocating beneath black balloons, I'll be power snorkeling with fish of every color. Instead of sinking my teeth into cake with black icing, I'll be sinking my toes into the sandy beaches of the Bahamas. Come on, that's a pretty clever way to skip out on being punked. At the end of a long day that's been especially
frustrating, I'm all for saying... "Calgon, Take Me Away" and soaking away the tension in a hot tub with plenty of bubbles. But the anxiety caused by an "F-Word" birthday ending in zero, calls for something that packs a little more punch (and possibly a little umbrella). Just a few more days till I can relax and say... "Carnival Magic take me away, it's time to make some memories. Until then...Shove...Relax...

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