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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

A Voice From the Other Side

I stood in what looked to be a white kitchen apartment. The door which led to the outer hallway was directly to my left. Someone from the other side began to push the door open while I was attempting to push it closed.... That's when I heard.... "Jaaa-ckie"  My eyes popped open like I had been hit by a bolt of lightening. I knew that voice... I could even tell you what kind of mood she was in by the tone of the voice... It was my Mom. She has been gone for 19 months and this is the first dream I've had of her.... The first time I've heard her voice since before she died.  I reached for my phone to check the time.... It was 4:30 am.  There would be no going back to sleep for me. I got up and went to the gym, still a little rattled. Her voice was so clear, her tone so familiar. The push and pull with the door was very indicative of our relationship. The symbolism wasn't lost to me. I've often wondered if she knew that I did my best to take care of her. I've wanted to tell her that if I had known sooner how sick she was, I would have opened the door...  Well, sooner. Her illness came on so quickly and her mind deteriorated  so fast.... I just didn't know.  When she became unable to speak, I would look into her eyes, searching for some kind of recognition that she knew I was being the daughter she hoped I would be...... I couldn't find the woman I knew there... The eyes I looked into were weak, broken ,and frail.... My Mom was none of those things. But the voice.... The voice on the other side of the door..... It was strong and sweet. She didn't say anything else, but the tone of her voice said all I needed to hear.

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