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Thursday, August 30, 2012

And This I Know...

As tolerant of a society we live in, there are still many things that are still taboo. I don't do taboos well, because if I feel it, think it or do it, there is a high probability that I'm going to blog about it and to some people, that's just not okay. I don't know what to tell you except that which is kept in darkness tends to seem bigger than it is. So often I have held fears inside and watched them grow like a monster grows under the bed of a child. When my kids were little and thought they had monsters under the bed, I didn't try to convince them monsters weren't there, I would reach under the bed, or into the closet, wherever they happen to be hiding that night and drag them out of the darkened corners and shoo them home because it was bedtime. You know, once I shooed the monsters back to where they came from, I never remember them returning to cause more angst that night. In fact, once the monster was addressed, we didn't have problems at all. If only adult monsters were as easy to shoo away. I remember having my first panic attack when I was in elementary school. I hid myself in a bathroom stall, attempting to dry heave my fears away. It wasn't until I was an adult and worked for a doctor that I realized it had a name... Panic, anxiety, it all looks the same. It's a nasty little creature that lurks in the corners of your mind, just waiting for an inopportune time to pounce on you with the fierceness of a hungry tiger. It doesn't happen full throttle very often, but when it does, I long to be able to cover my head with a blanket and call out for someone to shoo the monster back into the abyss. This I know... The fears may be unfounded, the thoughts irrational and the paralysis temporary, but the moment it sweeps over you, it seems terrifyingly real.

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