Trophy Wife

You know how some people just have the "Midas Touch"? Have you ever met someone you referred to as "The Golden Child"? I would not be one of those people. Although blessed in more ways than I can count, I wouldn't exactly call myself lucky. I'm more of a "Murphy's Law" kinda chick..... You know the one... Just a few fries short of a happy meal.... So close yet so far away. Some people are waiting for "Their Ship To Come In", my ship has actually come in several times only to sink right off of the horizon leaving me to wonder if it was a mirage or if I should throw my life jacket on to save the sinking thing. I'm the one whose lottery ticket (if I actually would buy one) would be just one number off. Actually, it sounds like me to put the actual winning ticket someplace where "I would know where it was" only to forget exactly where that remote spot might be at the exact moment I was suppose to claim my fortune. You get the picture. That's why I was stunned to turn around the other day to find my boss (you know the one who lost the golf tournament) standing behind me with a golf trophy with my name on it. I was so surprised that I actually... well, was a little repelled by the sight and kind of leaned back waiting for the thing to explode or something. I just knew the thing was booby trapped. Then I noticed something.... His smile wasn't really big like it should be if this were a joke and I could see his jaw muscle twitch a little as he held it out for me to take, meaning he was having some difficulty pulling off the whole "I'm happy for you" routine. That's when I realized... It was real! I actually have my win written in stone!!!! How cool it that? After blubbering around for a couple of seconds I shot off an email to my husband to tell him the fabulous news.... I GOT A TROPHY!!! His reply was... well it was so sweet. He said... "Great! Now you're a trophy wife. Well, actually you've always been a trophy wife but now you have the hardware to prove it." Am I crazy or was that not just the sweetest thing.I warned you I was a few fries short.....

The Way To A Momma's Heart

One thing my daughter learned in the Navy is if you are from L.A.designer names means everything. In the land of Red-Necks, Wal-Mart is to us what Gucci is to a Valley Girl. When my daughter arrived in San Diego she was appalled..... appalled I tell you, that there was not a Wal-Mart on every corner....much less a Super Wal-Mart in town. This revelation rocked her little Okie world like the sight of "Happy Hour" rocks a drunken sailor. I will never forget a phone call I received one day.... "Oh Mom!!!! I just found the coolest Wal-Mart ever!!! It's in an outdoor mall and it has.... you're not going to believe this..... But it has an escalator!" She was officially in "Hog Heaven". After several years of being in San Diego she is now more of a Target kinda gal, but she still has a soft spot in her heart for Wal-Mart and I suspect she always will. Her fascination with Wal-Mart (or the lack thereof), intrigued the guy she was dating at the time. He was from New York and he didn't quiet "get" what the Wal-Mart fascination was all about. She tried to explain to him that in small town Oklahoma Wal-Mart was the meeting place of all things important. Everyone you knew was in Wal-Mart at any given time of the day or night. You walk in and the first person you see is your hairdresser, your nail tech (mine is usually on the verge of being handcuffed), you see your minister, your 1st grade teacher, most of your friends, your relatives and certainly all of your enemies (sometimes these are one and the same). When you are bored on a Friday night and there is nothing good on at the movies.... you go to Wal-Mart. If you are lonely and haven't been able to reach your best friend by phone.... you go to Wal-Mart. Absolutely, whoever you are looking for is there, Plus.... and this is a big plus.... You can also buy stuff there! When he came to Oklahoma with her for Christmas, of course one of their first stops was Wal-Mart. Right as you walk in the front door is the hair style salon and the girl that used to do her hair before she joined the Navy ran out to meet her. From there they saw one person after another and pretty much anyone who he needed to be introduced was found in the store making visiting home so much easier cause you can get those first hellos out of the way. With one stop shopping comes one stop hugging.  Another thing about Wal-Mart is you pretty much don't have other options where shopping is concerned. Unless you want to spend the time and money traveling to the City, you just get whatever you need at Wal-Mart. Name brand isn't as big a deal in small town Oklahoma as it may be in larger cities and certainly not like it is in L.A! The guy she is dating now is from L.A. and she was shocked and amazed at his shopping habits. He is a designer guy all the way babe and that is just something she is not used to. Our idea of name brand, is digging out a fake in the far corner of a Ross's store. We're happy as little peas if it's cheap and the name resembles something we've read about in a magazine. The first time he took her shopping she thought he had lost his ever loving mind because he wanted to buy her a Coach purse. That little state of affairs warranted an emergency phone call to me asking me what on earth was wrong with the guy. It just wasn't normal, she might understand it if he was a girl but a guy being hung up on designer names did not compute with her. My advice was to just tell him to give her the cash instead and maybe drop by a discount store on the way home..... Made way more sense to me. A few months later she came home for a visit and he loaned her his brand new designer. I had to see what all the fuss was about cause to me they just looked like sunglasses with some funny name written on the side, so I popped those puppies on my face only to fall madly in love with designer sunglasses. She came downstairs that night to find me desperately searching the Internet for some new shades. "Mom! You're not actually going to spend $300.00 on a pair of sunglasses are you?" Of course I wasn't, I was just.... curious. After all I am the queen of cheap sunglasses with maybe $20.00 being the max I'll shell out for something that will either be sat on, flung off, or just simply misplaced. That being said, I'll have to admit that those $300.00 sunglasses fit better than any $5.00 pair I had ever had. My little mind began to click and I tried to find a way to justify paying that kind of money for sunglasses. When we went to San Diego to visit my daughter he let me wear his shades while we were there and I felt like I was styling and profiling right up to the point when he insisted I give them back. I slunk home with my $5.00 sunglasses and tried to put the past behind me. I had just about succeeded in doing so when a package, addressed to me came in the mail. In the package was my very own, personal pair of designer sunglasses!!! Does that boy know a way to a Momma's heart or what!? The first time I got in the car and put them on I asked the boys "I wonder what D & G stands for?" My son's best friend.... a smart butt at heart blurts out without missing a beat.... "Dollar General!". The little Red-Neck. So far, so good. I haven't sat on them, I haven't flung them, dropped them or lost them. This guy my daughter is dating now, gets a two thumbs up from me. Typically the way to this girls heart is through a new pair of shoes, but now I've added shades to that list so he'll work just fine.

Encounter of an Unusual Kind In Rush Spring OK

Friday night as soon as we got off work we headed to Oklahoma City with our best friends to have dinner with our boys and to say a prayer with them as they prepared to head for a 14 day mission trip to Kenya. We took dinner with us to save time, so we wouldn't interfere with with their meticulous process of packing (said with a nearly hysterical belly laugh).It wasn't late when we left their house but it was dark. As we drove away I unexpectedly begin to feel tears well up in my eyes. As a parent, it's an overwhelming experience to not only watch your children grow into adults but to also watch achieve their life long dreams. I couldn't help it, call it hormones, call it empty nest syndrome, call it whatever makes you happy but I silently cried from Oklahoma City to Rush Springs. I kept my head turned to the window with my face partially shielded by my cell phone. I had no desire for everyone in the car to know that I was bawling like a baby at the thought of 2 of my children being scattered to the far corners of the earth. So I sat starring out at the full moon. My husband would gently reach over and pat my hands knowing I was once again struggling with having my children grow up only to go far away. By the time we reached Rush Springs the tears had all but dried. My eyes felt like over stuffed marshmallows but I figured by the time we actually got home most of the swelling would be down and I would be able to act as natch as possible without having to answer any questions about my state of mind. Just as we passed what is probably the most well known speed trap in Oklahoma a sight over the highway traveling north caught my eye. It resembled a ball of fire moving at about 100 ft off the ground at a very slow rate of speed. Immediately it caught my attention at around the same time it caught the driver of our cars attention. It passed us going north and we pulled into an intersection and turned around to follow it. When we turned around it seemed to be hovering about 100 ft off of the ground directly over a turn around. We pulled into the turn around, opened all the windows and the sun roof to get a better look. I opted to hang halfway out the window but never once considered taking a picture of the thing with my cell phone. It hovered silently over the turn around just long enough for us to become even more confused and then began to ascend slowly,yet silently north west until it reached some low clouds at which time it kicked it into high gear and disappeared. Out of the 5 of us in the car, none of us had a clue as to what it could be. A hot air balloon? Probably not since they typically don't fly at night, especially in an area with high lines and such. A helicopter? Not likely since it appeared to be round with a distinctively fiery glow, not to mention the silence in which it traveled. A quick search of the Internet found a similar sighting the night before in Shawnee but the eye witness claimed it was a small plane on fire although search crews found nothing. I am probably the only one who will admit this... but I was highly disappointed when our vehicle did not begin to tremor as if being pulled by some magnetic force.... And although I can't be totally sure, I think my belly button was a little tender to the touch the next morning... LOL...JK. the five of us always set out to make a memory of some sort and although this wasn't exactly the memory we had in mind, it certainly was an encounter of an unusual kind.

The Key Is Change

It's impossible to go to the next level if nothing changes. I've been telling myself that for weeks, maybe months. At this particular moment it perfectly describes almost every area of my life. My work, my friends, the ministry I'm in, my family, my house, my spiritual growth.... everything. In one area I took a drastic step... and just stepped down. I certainly don't want to be accused of hindering change and maybe I just wasn't the person for the job at this moment in time. I didn't "quit" I removed myself for the benefit of everyone involved. Human nature seems to shy away from change. Change is uncomfortable, it brings out all of your insecurities, it makes you doubt yourself and your decisions, it's just a drag. I typically don't struggle with change like some do. I try to look at change as an adventures, not always... but generally. There have been a few changes that have rocked my world, but I try to keep in mind that everything works out for the good. There have been times in my life that I could see no earthly good in what was going on, but God, being true to his word, years down the road, gave me a beautiful glimpse of the big picture and to this day, I mourn every regret I had about that journey. I should have walked that path with a lot more faith than I did. Over the years I've had several relationships that seemed to fade because of change. Those are difficult because you're constantly asking yourself the question... "Was it wrong to go on while others choose to stay behind." How long do you drag an unwilling participant with you before letting go so they can stew in their own issues, while blaming everyone but themselves for the condition of their lives and their relationships? You can't force a person to move from where they are to the place they could be and should be if they would just move on from wallowing in self pity, and play the starring role in "Who's The Biggest Victim." But if you love that person you really just want to scream at them "There's more to life then this", "There's a big picture and although you may be in it, you're not suppose to be the focus!" I tried this approach with a friend recently (you know just for kicks and giggles... Not really, it was out of utter desperation) and let me just say I don't think she appreciated my tough love honesty.. At least I don't think she did since she hasn't spoken to me since. But gosh! I just wanted so much more for her and I know that Christ wants more for her too. Several years ago I was in a group who were determined to grow spiritually so we made kind of a pact that we would continue to move forward and continue to do so even if some of us decided to stay back. Most of that group are still together but some have seen distance come between us because... Well, things just got in the way. Life happens, sometimes you run, sometimes you walk, and sometimes you just wander off. As a friend I keep looking back over my shoulder wondering where they went? What was so interesting that it would take them away from something with earthly blessings and heavenly rewards? My greatest goal in life is to be everything God created me to be in Him. That can be a huge challenge considering who he's working with here. He is merciful, loving and kind and it's a good thing because I know I can be a toot. I can so relate to Paul when he talked about the fleshly struggle of doing the things you knew you shouldn't be doing and not doing the things you knew you should be doing. The battle against one's own desires can be very fatiguing. Anyway, for all who are interested, be it friend or foe, I really want to climb that dang mountain! I want to go to higher heights, see greater distances, and keep my eye focused on the big picture and not just on me. I am so hoping that others decide to come along with me, leave the past behind, lay down our personal baggage so our load won't be so heavy and just move on up.... together. How about you? Did you ever consider the fact that the key to change could be you???

Apron Strings & Wings

As of today my kids are officially scattered all over the globe. My oldest is in Hawaii headed to who knows where in a couple of weeks. My oldest Son is in Kenya on a missionary trip, and my youngest son (15) is tucked safely in the nest as his wings haven't fully developed. When we made the decision to have children there were several things that were ultimately important to us.

1) They be raised with a firm spiritual foundation
2) They be raised without fearing the unknown
3) I would embrace their independence as they grew regardless of how difficult it was for me!

Number one was pretty easy to achieve. We became a part of a living, breathing body of Christ. We were active in the church, the kids were active in the church and we surrounded ourselves with many people who embraced our kids as their own giving them multiple examples of good Godly adults. They trusted their "extended family", and actually call them their Aunts and Uncles. To this day they know, where ever they may be, regardless of the time or circumstances they can pick up the phone and call not only my husband or I, but a number of people full of wisdom who will offer them Godly council and who will love them unconditionally just like our heavenly Father loves us. That is a HUGE, sturdy foundation that neither I, nor they take for granted. We have been richly blessed by our church and our church family.

Number two wasn't particularly hard but the childs personality comes more into play with it. With my two oldest kids I fostered their comfort in life by never trying to scare them out of doing something. If they wanted to do something, I encouraged them, did what I could to make it possible and just tried to be positive. When my Daughter said she wanted to join the Navy, my first thought was "Have you seen Private Benjamin?", I didn't say it, but that is what I thought. She stands 5'4" and is just like her Momma in the fact that she loves all things girly, hates to sweat, and believes that just past the gates of heaven will be a full service hair and nail salon with all the newest trends available to all that enter there. I could have VERY easily talked her out of that decision but I didn't (you have no idea how difficult it was not to). I just kept repeating every positive thing I could think of about a life in the military. I guarantee you, today she is way more self assured than she was five years ago. When my oldest Son told me he wanted to be a missionary like in the movie "End of The Spear". Okay I'll have to admit, the first words out of my mouth were..... "The main character dies by being attacked by natives in that movie!!!" his response..... "I know Mom! How cool would that be to die for the cause of Christ." I knew I had lost that battle before I actually thought about taking up arms for it, because he has a calling and you just don't argue about a calling.... Period! My Son that's still in the nest is somewhat a challenge where number two is concerned because he is just a tad OCD.... He does not like his schedule changed. He likes for all things to remain the same at all times unless given enough warning so he can wrap his mind around the change.  It's not exactly that he fears the unknown, he just that he wants to be well acquainted with the unknown before the unknown is known. I'm still trying to figure my approach to this one.

Number three hasn't been hard to do..... It's just been hard for me to handle. I couldn't be more proud of my kids, their unique personalities and their independence.  But once they are gone, you miss having them around. I have no desire to wish them back in the nest because I feel that would be wrong, but I do miss them terribly, and I feel a little lost without having my little chicks under my feet. It is very difficult to get past the kids not being at home part of life. No one can accuse me of tying those apron strings a little too tight or hampering my kids independence and I see that as a good thing. The wings they soar with were handcrafted by a Momma who wanted her kids to see new things, experience all life has to offer and to go farther and do more than she ever dreamed possible. Apparently those wings work pretty well and occasionally the tracking device I sewed inside them brings them back home for a little TLC and some Momma lovin.

Stained Glass

Shattered bits of stained glass

Scattered all around

Tiny shards of color

Around me I have found

Blue like frozen ocean

White the hue of clouds

With hints of faded sunlight

Around my feet have wound

The colors soft reflected

The beauty to behold

Was once a single portrait

Of a heart that once was whole

And yet the pieces-tho fallen

Their beauty still can be

Recognized in part

As the stained glass heart

Of me

Slivers of Me

To say that the last six months have been challenging would be an understatement. I realize that I'm not recovering from some deadly disease,but I certainly have been recovering. When the doctors told me in January that it could take 6 months to a year for me to recover from the head injury I suffered New Year's Day, I absolutely blew them and everyone else off. There was no way I was going to let this slow me down for a few weeks, much less a few months. Just to prove my point I hopped out of bed a few days after, at 5 o'clock in the morning like have been doing for years, and headed to the gym, that didn't work out so well so the next week I tried it again, and again, and again. To date I still haven't made it to the gym more than two days in one week but I'm working on it.Every night I've come home at 5 o'clock in the evening, determined to enjoy my family, maybe cook a little dinner, play with my dogs, only to collapse in a heap on the bed with barely enough energy to change clothes. It's taken every ounce of physical, emotional and mental energy I have to go to work every day, stay as current on possible with the piles on my desk, interact normally with those around me, while covering up my struggles with my hair-brained wit and jokes. To a large extent I've been successful at maintaining.... only those closest to me see the changes, but there have been moments of severe meltdowns from the stress of feeling overwhelmed by my inability to really feel normal.This week has been different. I never thought I would brag about my ability to stay up past 8 o'clock but brag I will.... And Praise The Lord I'm able to do so!!!!! This has been the first week (except for my few days in California), that I have come home from work, cooked, cleaned, went for walks and actually, intentionally, stayed up late just to see if I could. I did it!!!! I had a normal life this week. No headaches, only one day with bad neck pain and a few dizzy days (I call those my blond days), but this is a huge accomplishment for me. Last night I stayed up late making cookies to take to my Son who is leaving for Kenya tomorrow. Today I had to make a 30 min. trip on my lunch hour to pick up my youngest son. When I got to the house I only had 30 min. to spare but I decided to throw some stuff together to make some brownies to add to the cookies. As I was leaving the house to go back to work I thought "OOOOhhh-My-Gosh!!!!! I feel like a super Mom! I've stayed up late every night, I've cooked, I've cleaned and I even made brownies on my lunch hour!!!! I'm coming back, I see little slivers of Jackie starting to materialize right before my eyes!!!!! This may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it is not only a very big deal to me..... But also a huge,ginormous blessing and I am more grateful than words can express. I can hear it now.... "Oh no! She's coming back."