Therapeutic musings mixed with humorous ramblings and sometimes spiritual notations of life as I know it in written form. A diary of my heart inspired by life.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
The Other Side
It's 4 a.m. on New Year's Eve. Today would have been my mom's 78th birthday. Typically I would go to The Ginger Jar to pick up a gift for her during their annual sale. That isn't on my list of things to do today. Recapping 2014 is not pretty. It was marked by grief piled on top of grief. I lost several significant friends this year. Each one had an enormous impact on my life in one way or another. I saw people I truly care about lose loved ones as well. I saw their tears, I felt their pain and not a day goes by that my heart doesn't hurt with them and for them. After attending funeral after funeral, July hit with devastating news that my employer was selling. The news was like another funeral of sorts, but one that never seemed to end. As one door was beginning to close, God did what only God can do. Change is so scary, but for reasons I will never fully understand, he opened a door which I walked right through and miracles of miracles I stepped into a place that felt like home from day one. A friend came in the office the other day and asked me how the transition was going. I could only answer from my side of the desk and told him the transition had been completely seamless. I can't speak for my co-workers, but I feel like I've been there forever.... In a good way. I guess you could say that my faith has been restored. It's not that I had lost faith in God, just that I had lost the impenetrable security of knowing I was on his radar screen. I feel like I've been drifting about on an abysmal ocean completely discombobulated as to what purpose, if any, God has for me. Knowing I am still on his radar gives me hope that I can still be of use. That may not make sense to anyone else, but for me, it's huge. I'm not the only one who found themselves on God's radar screen this year. After 9 years in the Navy, my sailor transitioned from a life of constant change to the life of a civilian. If you think changing jobs is scary, imagine having little or no control over your life (because you belong to the government), to being handed the keys to a life in you haven't driven in years. God did his God thing again and my Sailor made a seamless transition into life as a civilian. Sounds simple, but it's not. The highlight to what began as a dark and lonely 2014, was the birth of Mr. Levi Atlas Patterson, my first grandchild. Having a grandbaby is one of those things that is indescribable, even to a wordsmith. There simply are no words to express the hope and joy holding that little bundle of love has brought me. So I sit here in the dark hours of early morning listening to a bitter cold wind blowing outside. I am a little sad, but tremendously blessed. I can feel in my bones that 2015 will hold its share of loss, grief and change, yet I'm confident it will also hold magical moments of joy. And really isn't that all we can ask for? As long as I know I'm on God's radar, I can weather any storm and come out on the other side. So come on 2015.... let's do this thing.