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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fool Me Once

After the rabbit hole ordeal last year, I had a hard time getting my groove back. I bet I didn't cook dinner a dozen times in 12 months. Sitting upright in my chair a whole work day was a major feat... Staying up past 5:30 in the evening was a event worth celebrating. I've been trying to redeem myself this year with consistent grocery shopping, regular dinners and geeze it's past 9:00 and I'm wide eyed. The whole "regular dinner" thing is really starting to get on my nerves. It's hard to do creative cooking every night, or at least it is for me. I try to mix it up but it's easy to get stuck in a cooking rut. This week I thought I deserved a break so I bought a hefty spiral sliced ham and planned on just adding different side dishes. I figured we'd be sick of ham by the end of the week, but I usually only do hams on a holiday so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Tonight I got home, sprawled out on the bed to
watch the heart wrenching news coverage of the Casey Anthony trial. When my husband got home he joined me and listened while I rattled off my theories and commentary. Lucky him to get to live with his very own, yet tad more balanced version of Nancy Grace! After watching me rant at the T.V. like a.... Well, a "fair and balanced" correspondent for the show, I told him we were just having ham sandwiches for dinner. I'm a lucky lady because he was actually fine with that idea, he just wanted to cool off and chill out a bit longer so he joined me in the den while I fixed myself a sandwich. Since I knew he would be in the kitchen in a few minutes to get some ham, I left it sitting (nice and pretty) on the kitchen cabinet. I didn't even give it a second thought until he later called me in the kitchen with a pathetically sad face. Looking as dejected as a basset hound he said.... "You know I really was looking forward to having some of that ham for dinner." Granted... I was starving as I hadn't had anything except an orange and a fiber bar all day long, but I swear my sandwich only had a couple of
pieces of ham on it.... There was plenty of ham for him to have tonight and all of next week it he wanted to. Then I looked at the counter top.... No ham! Not even a speck of ham where the ham had been. I looked at him, just started to form my question when I heard my Mastiff lapping up water like a buffalo. I looked at her, I looked at him and I asked.... "Where?" He just turned around and on the floor was the hock of where the ham had been, all the while Sailor was still sucking up water. Sailor turned and looked over her shoulder... (do dogs actually have shoulders?). When she saw the look on our faces she instantly tried to morph into a 175lb invisible dust mite. It didn't work. In unison we said (in our most stern parental voices) "Bad girl!!! Go to your bed!!!" She ducked her tail and ran to her kennel wishing
to god she could take her water bowl with her. I promised my husband the sun, moon and stars for dinner.... Anything his little heart desired, because I can take ham or leave it, but he really likes his ham. Note to self.... When your dog is a head taller than the counter top, thou shalt not turn your back on the spiral cut ham. End of story. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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