The Language of Baby Love and Women

Our office gave a co-worker a baby shower this week. It's been a while since one of our own has had a baby, so we were all looking forward to it. The shower was held after lunch in the accounting meeting area. We all gathered with our pretty pink packages and anxiously awaited the arrival of the mommy to be. The majority of the women in the office are past the baby phase. Most are either raising teenagers or waiting for grandchildren. I'm not quite sure why, but none of the men showed up for the shower, which should probably be considered just plain rude :-) The mommy to be arrived in all her glory that comes with being pregnant. She is a beautiful lady. She seems excited about the big event, yet a little nervous since she has one other child and he is now 17. Yeah, that's a bit of a gap. A lot of things change in 17 years, especially baby equipment (that
could be taken more than one way LOL). She sat in the front and began to open the gifts. I wish I had the audio of the oohs and ahhh's said in unison every time she held up a darling outfit or a neat baby item. It sounded like a celestial song being sung in a language only understood by women. It's a language of excitement and joy created by the wonder of experiencing the sacredness of having held life within your womb. It's during times like this, when my mind goes back so many years ago.  I remember  waiting with anticipation for my little ones to arrive. I would sit in the empty nursery with a blanket or clothing, and imagine in a few short days the item being filled with a squirming bundle of beautiful joy. Oh how I miss those days.

Passive Aggressive Road Rage

I'm typically not a road rage kind of girl. I was raised in Tulsa and learned to drive in traffic. I liken it to a good cup of Starbucks. Growing up in Tulsa, I used the drive to work as my caffeine. It was a game to see if I could make it to work without ever having to use my breaks. I knew exactly when to change lanes because a certain street would get clogged and I could weave in and out of traffic with the best of them. It was a huge adrenaline rush. Although I have been accused of driving fast, I usually only do so in residential-ish areas. I'm not one to rant and rave every time someone around me swerves or drives like a moron... but that's usually because I'm in front and they're in back of me so I don't see it (hehe). When I was 16 or 17, I ran across a road rage paddle. It was so cool... It looked like a ping pong paddle with all the rants people say when they're behind the wheel of a car... Like "SAME TO YOU TURKEY!" or "GET OFF MY TAIL!" You could also flirt with them with the one that said... "YOU'RE CUTE" Each rant had a  little tab. You just put your finger on the tab of the rant you wanted and flipped the paddle over and held it up to the car next to you as you passed them. I got very good at flipping people off with my little road rage paddle. After all, I was a good girl and knew without a shadow of a doubt that flipping people off any other way would send me straight to hell in a hand basket. The paddle was my way of rebelling while staying firmly within the 29 prominent teachings I was raised with (But that's another blog altogether). A few days ago I was wishing I still had my road rage paddle (I wonder if they still make them?) I'm very conscientious that the left lane is for the fast and furious drivers. When I'm in the fast lane, I always move over when someone comes up behind me. I was coming back from Oklahoma City, jacked up on Starbucks and be-bopping to some John Mayer as I passed cars in the right lane. There wasn't anyone behind me, so there was no need to actually speed (more than 5 miles over the limit) and I was keeping a close eye on my rear mirror. I glanced in my rear view, everything was clear. I still had a couple of cars on the right to pass so I stayed in the left lane. I glanced up again and all of the sudden there was a black Lexus SUV looming behind me and all I could see was it's grill. I quickly scooted between two cars on the right... But I wasn't happy. Later, I smirked and laughed as I buzzed through the pike pass lane while he had to stop to pay toll. "TURRRR-KEY!" 10 minutes later here he comes again, just as I'm passing two cars. I could swear he sped up when he saw me. I thought...."Alright Buddy, you play aggressive? I'll give you a taste of passive-aggressive. When his grill filled my rear view mirror and he had no where to go... As the there was another car in the right lane (the one I was passing), I slammed on the breaks and just like they taught me in drivers ed, I turned on my blinker, then slowly and carefully merged into the right lane. I think the car in the right lane wanted to flip me off when he saw what I did, and I'm sure MR. Big Black SUV was probably saying a few choice words as well.  There was no doubt he could read my body language as he passed me in his big black monster SUV. When he pulled off at the McDonald's on tollway... I really wanted to pull off and tell him exactly how much of a total jerk I thought he was.... But I didn't, my body language said all I had to say...

Modern Convenience..."If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

This weekend our microwave oven bit the dust. It was well over due if you ask me. The little rollers that rotate the plate, had actually worn through the metal so you could see this pretty glow coming from underneath the plate. Since green isn't one of my favorite colors and I was sure I was being contaminated by evil rays coming from the glow, I had my son haul it out to the trash. Easter afternoon my son came home from work and I told him I had some left overs from the feast my daughter had made. I heard him in the kitchen fixing a plate and remembered.... "I'll need to heat that up" Then I got to tell him the story all parents wait with bated breath to tell their children... About the good ole' days when we didn't have microwave or texting!  Shocking now to think we lived in such conditions and made it to adulthood unscathed. :-) After he ate, he left with his girlfriend to go see a movie. As he was leaving, he asked if I would still be up when he got back, because he'd probably want another plate of left overs and didn't really want to use the stove. I just chuckled and said "Yeah, well I may just run to Wal-mart and get a new one." Everyone knows I just abhor going to Wal-mart. It causes me great angst and usually results in simmering anger. But our microwave oven was out, and a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to survive. Yep, you guessed it, it was "Big Girl Panty" time.... Survival of the fittest. I was headed to the jungle.  When I got there I grabbed the buggy and headed straight for the necessities department.... The aisle where they keep the microwaves. I pulled one off shelf, threw it on my buggy (it's not rocket science, it's just a microwave) then whipped out my measuring tape to make sure it would fit in my microwave cubby and made a run for it. For maybe a split second I considered picking up a few things we needed like dog food, milk, eggs, but the thought didn't linger and I made it out with the bare necessity I came for. On the way home I began to feel a little spoiled knowing we would probably survive the week without a microwave. Those modern conveniences really do come in handy and they make me happy. What's the saying??? "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

But for the Grace of God Go I

I am a Trial Junkie. It's a good thing we don't have a legal or trial channel on our TV, because I would never get anything done and I'd have a rant for this and a rant for that. Hopefully, my rants would be a little more broad minded than Nancy Grace, but I can't guarantee it. Her judgement seems so skewed, I take the opposing view simply because she can't shut me up like she does the guest on her show. The only time I watch her is when there is a trial worthy of being sensationalized going on... And because she is on the only channel that covers the trial. The thing I enjoy about watching trials, is I purposely try to stay as neutral as possible, until everything is said and done. During my many hours (said in true Nancy Grace style) of listening to the most recent sensationalized trial, I have some concerns with how the "Talking Heads (Nancy Grace and others) and the prosecution have approached this DEATH PENALTY case. Here are the sticking points for me.

Media:

1. It's not your job to make a trial as entertaining as possible... It's your job to report the facts, then let the public skew them as they may (imagine I'm saying the above really slow, like I'm speaking to someone who doesn't speak my language, or a three year old who I'm trying to convince it's not a good idea to lick the scissors). I find it a horrible injustice to our justice system to have such bias coverage.
2. Please use your inside voices when reporting. Screaming at the camera (the viewer) and humiliating the guest that disagree with you, isn't attractive.
3. Things that may seem quirky in small doses, can be downright scary in large doses. It doesn't take any more effort to look through a wide angle lens than it does to look through a narrow scope. It's unrealistic to put any one human under a microscope and expect them to stand up without blemish. It's also unrealistic to expect any one human to react to stress, grief or abuse in one specific way. Last week the "BOMBSHELL" was a video tape of the defendant during interrogation. During a break in the questioning, she was left in the room by herself. The edited version of this break was shown with her looking through the trash, playing with her hair, stretching, and yes even doing a headstand. A BIG deal was made about the headstand (for goodness sake). All the reporters and talking heads thought that was so odd. Maybe it's because I'm an odd duck myself, but I didn't find it odd at all (scary right?). What the video tape didn't show was the time and how long she was in the room. I'm sure  she had undergone hours of interrogation. When you've been sitting for a long period of time and you're under a lot of stress, I can totally see the need for a good stretch, a headstand (if you could do one,) and yeah, maybe even a peruse through the trash to break the boredom (and if you have ADHD). Even people who commit crimes get bored and need to stretch and increase blood flow. Give me a break!
4. Being a self-absorbed, shallow, shell of a woman myself, if I'm going to have my picture taken for any reason at all (including a mug shot for murder), I dang sure want my make-up done and every hair in place.  (I'm just wondering how many hours Nancy sits in the make-up chair before going on air?) I know, that was a little snotty, but she brings out the worst in me.


The State:

1. Is screaming at the witness terribly effective? It's a little off putting to me... Maybe I'm just weird like that.
2.  Why is it necessary to blatantly alter the answer to a question? If I'm on trial in a death penalty case, and you ask me if it's "Tomato" and I say it is "Tomato" and then you repeat back to me that I said it was "Tomatho".... Yeah, I'm going to be squirmy and not let you slide on that little misrepresentation. From the perspective of a neutral observer.... If I see you trying to twist the words of a witness, I'll assume it's because you can't prove your point with the facts. When you have a confession to the crime and are trying to prove premeditation.... I'm going to assume it's because you can't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt without twisting the testimony.  If that's the case, maybe 1st degree with no chance of parole it a better option.
3. Not everyone writes everything in their journal. Shocking right!? Personally, I may go into great detail on something insignificant, yet never mention something very painful. There are no rules in journaling. The lack of mention in a journal doesn't prove or disprove anything. Period!
4.  It's not unusual for women who have been abused, not to tell anyone about the abuse.  It's also not unusual for a woman who has been abused to want to protect her abuser. Ask any law enforcement officer. The most dangerous calls are domestic abuse calls, because the victim will often turn on the ones who show up to protect her.  The fact that no one knew of the abuse, again does not prove or disprove anything.
5.  Not everyone is who they seem to be. The fact that the victim was a well-loved religious person means absolutely nothing. A good friend of mine knows a man who is labeled  "homicidal".  He is a mild mannered, articulate, highly educated man who works for a large corporation. He has never committed a crime, but since undergoing medical treatment for a serious illness,  has cannibalistic fantasies. He feels terrible for these thoughts so he committed himself for treatment..... Outpatient treatment.  My friend thinks the world of him, even goes to lunch with him, but no one in his immediate circle knows about his dark side.  Is it possible to have 100 witnesses to some one's personablilty without them knowing the darkness within??? Absolutely!
6.  Being likable or unlikeable doesn't make the crime in question more atrocious.
7.  This one is just a personal opinion.... People snap. Sometimes people just snap. Is it because of abuse, stress, selfishness, ego, mental problems, health problems, or all of the above? We'll actually never know until we stand on the other side and have life as a whole unveiled to us by our creator.

Just in general:

1. If I'm getting it right (IF), the prosecution is trying to prove premeditation by pointing out her grandparents had a gun stolen a week before the killing. They imply she staged the robbery and used the gun on the victim. The actual murder was done with a knife.... 29 times to be exact. A knife fight is a lot different than a gun fight. A knife attack is up close and personal and if I was going to kill someone, especially a big guy that scared me, I would rather do it at a short distance rather than in his face where he could pick me up like a rag doll and through me across the room. I can see OJ Simpson having a manic fit and stabbing two people in an anger rage. But this is a whole different scenario and the crime scene looks a little haphazard for a carefully premeditated murder. But then again, that's just me.  

A few weeks ago I posted a blog about the silence of abuse http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=405060790118385384#editor/target=post;postID=5275124726812661992. I worked on that post for months before I published it and way before this trial started. The experience I had as a teenager is one of the things that caused my attention to be captured by this trial.  I had not endured years of abuse, and I hadn't endured severe abuse, but it was abuse none the less. As vivid as it were yesterday, I remember trying to get away from my tormentor as he blocked my car. In the blink of an eye, the thought of putting him out of my misery crossed my mind.I didn't snap, but I could have. I remained silent until long after the experience. But that nanosecond in time, left a lifetime of awareness that as a faulty human being, I am  capable of an array of hideous acts....  And so are you. It only takes a flash, the straw that broke the camels back, barely a sign and it's done.... We are forever changed. Maybe it's for that reason alone, I stop and think..... "But for the grace of God go I."

The Silence of Abuse

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

The other day, during our afternoon break, several of us were sitting around chatting. I'm not sure how it came up, but we were talking about something and I asked one of the girls.... "Well didn't you read my blog about the Super Glue?" She kinda shook her head indicating she hadn't read it.... (She didn't read my blog?!?!) I can't even imagine, it's full of so much useful information :-), JK, it's silly and I know it. I told them about my accidental discovery about Super Gluing my pumps to my feet. After the initial eruption of laughter, it got seriously quiet and the co-worker sitting next to me was staring at me like I was a two headed Catfish in a Japanese Koi pond... "What?!?" I asked.... "Why are you looking at me like that?!?" She shook her head and said... "I just have no words... I got nothing." We all laughed because, well, I totally understood. One of them thought it wouldn't be very comfortable when I ended up in the emergency room with all the skin ripped off the bottom of my feet when I tried to remove my shoes. Hello???? People who wear 5 inch heels aren't actually concerned about comfort. Anyway, I had put a pair of my shoes for sale on Buy Sale Trade because they were impossible to wear. I took them off  the website after my glue discovery and today is my first all day trial run at wearing them glued to my feet... Without pantyhose. I'm not worried about it because it's still early in the day. Right now I'm wearing cute shoes and they aren't slipping when I walk. I'll sweat the small stuff when it's absolutely necessary.

Child of The King, A Life of a Princess

A few months ago, my daughter asked me.... "Mom do you ever wonder why some people are dealt the hand of cards they are dealt?" I instantly knew what she was talking about. We had both ran into a mutual friend who is an amazing woman. In spite of living her life by biblical guidelines, she has endured more than her share of life struggles. In fact, as we visited with her, my daughter and I were both amazed that the years of struggle and pain, hadn't drained her of her witty personality and amazing good humor. I'm sure she has had days where she has wallowed in self pity, but you sure couldn't tell it from our side of the table.  Unfortunately, I had no answer for the question my daughter asked.  As I was running out of the house one morning this week, my phone rang. Instantly a smile erupted on my face as I answered the phone, knowing one of my favorite people on earth was at the other end. I could tell by the sound of her voice, that she was struggling to keep it together as she headed to work. Like many people, she seems to have dealt with more than her share of tragedy. In the last 10 years she has lost both parents, as well as other key members of her 

family.  The day before, she had attended yet another funeral for a family member in his 20's. Such a tragic death at such a young age. This crisis left her with a dreadful fear that her family was living under some type of family curse. She wasn't alone in her fears, as other family members had expressed the same fears. I'll even admit that over the years I have wondered why this such a wonderful person has had to face such deep heartache.  I've always wished I were more like her because she is beautiful inside and out, doesn't have an enemy to her name. She is just a BEAUTIFUL person!  She lost her mother several years ago and that was a loss that nearly killed her. I've seen her struggle, cry, question and struggle not to be bitter at God for the loss of the one she loved. The journey back has been a long road for her, and just recently it looked like she was dealing with the loss in more of a positive way.  Yet again, she came to me with questions for which I have no answers. I could sense the dark claws of the enemy, doubt, fear, anger, reaching out of the darkness to pull her back into the hole she had just emerged.  It's times like this that we have to keep in mind, that although the Bible says Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." We also have to understand that the Bible also says 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  The enemy will use each and every opportunity to clasp the talons of doubt, fear and anger into our hearts. He does so in hope that we will lose sight of the fact that we are indeed a Princess of The Almighty God who reigns over heaven and earth, as well as every tiny detail of our lives whether it is tragedy or victory. As a Princess of The Almighty God, we dwell under the shelter of his wing.   The winds WILL blow, storms WILL rage and there WILL be times when we feel the waves will drown our cries to him. Regardless of how it seems, or what the enemy would have us believe, we are held in the hand of an almighty God. My friend may not see it, but in the years since her mother's death, in spite of her struggles, I've seen her grow. She is stronger than she believes because for a second, she has taken her eyes off of His strength and is only looking at hers.  She feels like she is being stalked by darkness. But, because she is a Princess of the Almighty and lives under the power of The King, all the enemy can do is stalk... hover... intimidate... And attempt to steal her peace of mind. My job this morning, wasn't to answer her questions, it was just to remind her of who she is and to whom she belongs. As long as she keeps that fact front and foremost in her mind, the darkness must keep it's distance because she has a force field of grace surrounding her as she live the life of a Princess..... Child of The King.

My Super Glue Solution

You may not know this, but I love high heels.  In fact it's almost an obsession. A friend of mine says that I have a shoegazm when I walk into a shoe store  That's about as close to a description as I've ever heard to explain the  hyperventilating,  gasps and squeals that spontaneously erupts from me when I go shoe shopping .  She has actually had to lead me out of a store by my hand , so I could regain control of myself.... Not kidding! I have several pairs of pumps that are designed so they make it almost impossible to keep them from sliding off my heel as I walk. They have no contour at the toe of the platform. The easiest solution would be to thoroughly test out the shoes before I purchase them, but let's face it, I do everything on impulse and exclusively on if they;re too cute to pass up.  I've tried  the pads, the inserts and other remedies to this problem, without much luck. I accidentally found a solution this weekend. I was getting ready for church, knowing the shoes I was going to wear would create problems if I did much walking. The heel pad that I had inserted into the shoe had lost it's adhesiveness so I decided to super glue the insert to the heel. Quite by accident, I squirted more super glue on the insert than needed and it went all over my hands with plenty of excess elsewhere, including the inside of my shoe. Trying to make the most of a bad situation, I slipped my foot into the shoe. The super glue glued the shoe to the bottom of my foot in a very secure manner. I hobbled around the room for a while then decided I would intentionally put it in my other shoe and see how it

worked. Remarkably there was no slip/sliding around, I was held firmly in my shoe.... No coming off anytime soon. By George I think I've found the solution. Sure enough I walked around church, up and down stairs with no problems whatsoever.  The down side  (there's a down side to just about everything) was.... When I took my shoe off (yes it did come off),  it tore a big hole in my pantyhose, which isn't a big deal as long as you have extra hose laying around. Also, unlike what you might expect, it didn't leave glue on the bottom of my foot. So, the next time someone asks me how I keep my pumps on without them slipping on the heel, I can give them  my Super Glue Solution. There I go again, thinking outside the box.... Or is it a nice tidy white padded cell? You be the judge.