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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Passive Aggressive Road Rage

I'm typically not a road rage kind of girl. I was raised in Tulsa and learned to drive in traffic. I liken it to a good cup of Starbucks. Growing up in Tulsa, I used the drive to work as my caffeine. It was a game to see if I could make it to work without ever having to use my breaks. I knew exactly when to change lanes because a certain street would get clogged and I could weave in and out of traffic with the best of them. It was a huge adrenaline rush. Although I have been accused of driving fast, I usually only do so in residential-ish areas. I'm not one to rant and rave every time someone around me swerves or drives like a moron... but that's usually because I'm in front and they're in back of me so I don't see it (hehe). When I was 16 or 17, I ran across a road rage paddle. It was so cool... It looked like a ping pong paddle with all the rants people say when they're behind the wheel of a car... Like "SAME TO YOU TURKEY!" or "GET OFF MY TAIL!" You could also flirt with them with the one that said... "YOU'RE CUTE" Each rant had a  little tab. You just put your finger on the tab of the rant you wanted and flipped the paddle over and held it up to the car next to you as you passed them. I got very good at flipping people off with my little road rage paddle. After all, I was a good girl and knew without a shadow of a doubt that flipping people off any other way would send me straight to hell in a hand basket. The paddle was my way of rebelling while staying firmly within the 29 prominent teachings I was raised with (But that's another blog altogether). A few days ago I was wishing I still had my road rage paddle (I wonder if they still make them?) I'm very conscientious that the left lane is for the fast and furious drivers. When I'm in the fast lane, I always move over when someone comes up behind me. I was coming back from Oklahoma City, jacked up on Starbucks and be-bopping to some John Mayer as I passed cars in the right lane. There wasn't anyone behind me, so there was no need to actually speed (more than 5 miles over the limit) and I was keeping a close eye on my rear mirror. I glanced in my rear view, everything was clear. I still had a couple of cars on the right to pass so I stayed in the left lane. I glanced up again and all of the sudden there was a black Lexus SUV looming behind me and all I could see was it's grill. I quickly scooted between two cars on the right... But I wasn't happy. Later, I smirked and laughed as I buzzed through the pike pass lane while he had to stop to pay toll. "TURRRR-KEY!" 10 minutes later here he comes again, just as I'm passing two cars. I could swear he sped up when he saw me. I thought...."Alright Buddy, you play aggressive? I'll give you a taste of passive-aggressive. When his grill filled my rear view mirror and he had no where to go... As the there was another car in the right lane (the one I was passing), I slammed on the breaks and just like they taught me in drivers ed, I turned on my blinker, then slowly and carefully merged into the right lane. I think the car in the right lane wanted to flip me off when he saw what I did, and I'm sure MR. Big Black SUV was probably saying a few choice words as well.  There was no doubt he could read my body language as he passed me in his big black monster SUV. When he pulled off at the McDonald's on tollway... I really wanted to pull off and tell him exactly how much of a total jerk I thought he was.... But I didn't, my body language said all I had to say...

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