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Friday, April 19, 2013

The Brick Wall

After having enjoyed several weeks of uncanny energy and focus, I hit the proverbial wall, understood only by those who have hit similar walls with their injury or illness. Upon realizing the wall has been reached, which is usually when I have basically face planted with it, I struggle with overwhelming panic, frustration and yes, a very deep despair. I hit the Internet and Google myself to death, looking for answers, advice and validation. I always come away with the same conclusion...  This is the new norm for me. Knowing first hand that it cycles in and out, helps a little, but only on the days when I'm cycling up and not down. This week I took a MFS (mental Fatigue Scale) just to see if it was as bad as it appeared to be. I scored a 30.5, this isn't a test you want to
to score high on, which is above the level of someone working with a mild TBI, above the level of someone on sick leave from a TBI and above the level of someone who has suffered a stroke. The results didn't exactly lift my spirits, but they were no surprise. The one thing I know is.... I may be down, but I haven't been overcome. I'll keep trudging along like I have for over 3 years, until the tide turns (oh and trust me it will turn). When  it does, I'll soak in the energy like
a dry sponge and cherish it until I'm rung dry and hit the wall again. I may not have a green thumb, but I'm determined to have roses (without thorns please) growing on my proverbial brick wall so when I've got my nose, face planted in the middle of it, I'll still be able to smell the sweet aroma of life.

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