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Thursday, May 29, 2014


There are events in life that require a certain order for us to process them mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  The birth of my oldest child was idyllic.  When I became pregnant with my second child, I expected a flawless pregnancy and an idyllic birth just like before.  Shortly after going into labor, my son went into distress and an emergency c-section was required.  I remember going to sleep in a chaotic rush and waking up to my husband saying I had a baby boy.  Weeks after the birth, I felt as if I knew in my heart and mind that I had given birth, but something deep in my body seemed to refuse the notion. My body prepared for 9 months to “travail” through the birth process, when that process was interrupted, it felt confused, and I was confused.  I felt as if my mind and body cried out for the missing puzzle piece weeks after the c-section saved my child.  I thank God every day that technology saved his life, but I have always wondered if there was research concerning the internal disconnect when the process is interrupted.  With this being Memorial Day week, and with my daughter in the military, I think about the families whose loved ones are declared deceased after they become missing in action.  Not having something tangible to bury and mourn would interrupt the grieving process and emotional acceptance.  Life is unpredictable and at times it is hard to roll with the punches especially when we feel robbed of a vital piece (or should I say peace) of the puzzle.  Many people believe you aren’t supposed to question God or get angry with God; I disagree.  God knitted us together in the womb and wired us with emotions and the internal need to process events.  The Bible says:

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

With that in mind, I believe even when we have questions, even when we get angry with Him, even when disappointments shatter our hearts and sometimes our lives, He IS A BIG God who understands why we feel robbed.  I don’t see Him as being too fragile to handle our questions or our anger; in fact, I see just the opposite.  Anger, grief, pain, all of the emotions we try so desperately to avoid, are the very things that contrast the joy, happiness and love experienced along the way.  When it all comes together, it is the tapestry of life and without the contrast, there would be no complete picture.

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