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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Grief Interruptrd

It's a natural response to grieve the loss of a loved one. Death isn't the only type of loss we grieve. I've grieved over the loss of friends who suddenly dropped from my life either through a move or having chosen a different life path. The one constant rule is you must deal with your loss or your loss will deal with you. In my case, immediate grieving wasn't an option. After Mom's death, there were too many loose ends, things that had to be done and my Dad to keep an eye on. We continued living with him for a month after Mom's funeral. I just couldn't bear leaving him those first weeks. Dad was home alone while I worked a d every night I could see him slowly processing the loss and the emotional trauma (for lack of  better word) that came from the intense process of caring for her while she rapidly declined.  Because Dad was being so strong, I naturally wanted to be strong too. I placed my little package of grief on the back porch and concentrated on helping Dad find a new rhythm and a new purpose. Until just recently, when I wasn't working, I was at Dad's. As I sensed him copying more.each day, I,'ve slowly allowed myself to spend more time at home, but have retained as very busy schedule. My schedule has finally slowed affording me time to begin unwrapping the package of loss that had carefully packed away. Personally I believe having delayed the inevitable only intensified the release. As I sat at my desk and cried for the greater part of the day yesterday, a friend asked me what was wrong.... Are you still grieving!? In girl world it translated into.... "Aren't you over that already?" I didn't feel like going into it, but not only am I still grieving... I'm just beginning the process.  Death doesn't come in a neat little package, and grief isn't  always immediate. Although a loss is a loss, some losses are more complicated than what the surface shows. If I had my way, I would hide in a hotel room by myself for 2-3 days in order to face my thoughts, process my loss and to wrap up my emotional baggage concerning the whole thing.  Grief is a natural process and  a form of healing a broken heart. Grief unattended is grief interrupted and that's rarely a good thing.

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