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Friday, July 5, 2013

4th of July.... Hotter Than a Firecracker

The 4th of July started a little early this year when a co-worker suddenly appeared at my desk with a bag of chips and a bowl of salsa.... "You're my last tester." she told me with a proud, yet somewhat evil grin..... "Oh!" I tried to act excited... "What have we here?" even though I could clearly see is was chips and salsa... "Homemade salsa!" she said a little too eagerly. I grabbed a chip and hesitantly dipped it in the salsa and popped it in my mouth.... In hindsight, I should have asked if any of the original "testers" were still alive and breathing, but I thought that would be rude."Yummm, I said with a mouth full of chips, then I took another bite. I swallowed and told her how good it was and then it hit me like a nuclear blast.... The burning all the way down my throat.... "Geeze, it's a little hot, huh?" I said... She just shook her head and told me it was her mild version, then she spun on her heel and headed out of my office. I grabbed my Dr. Pepper and attempted to wash the delicious yet terribly hot salsa down. The only thing drinking accomplished, was to help it slide through my system.... And I mean all the way through my system. I could feel
the burning when it hit my stomach and I felt every twist and turn it took through what had been, up until that time,a perfectly normal colon. The outcome was a final explosion of biblical proportions, that I'm pretty sure included a mushroom cloud. "I've been poisoned, I swear to God it felt like someone had poured liquid acid down my throat. I emailed her and told her I was certain I had blisters EVERYWHERE and suggested she provide the recipe to The Department of Defense in case our nation decided to disarm all of our nuclear warheads.... With her secret weapon, we'd still have a mind blowing way of subduing our enemies. Another suggestion would be to use it in lieu of water boarding. I could think of a host of ways it could be used to "extract" sensitive Intel from terrorist. I can just imagine her in her kitchen wearing a hazmat suit instead of an apron,chuckling to herself as she mixed her concoction of liquid fire. It's been over 48 hours and I'm just now getting the feeling back in my tongue.

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