Hoppa Lolli and Snowflakes From Heaven

Today was my birthday and like every birthday, (especially as I get older) it was a special day..... Not so much because it was my birthday, but because it was Valentine's Day. If I could pick any day of the year to have a birthday, Valentine's Day would be it. I'm a hopeless romantic and love anything that is heart shaped, pink, or that glitters. Valentine's Day is my day.... Literally! First thing this morning I got a video from my Daughter-in-law of my Grandson saying..... "Hoppa Lolli" which translated into Levi speak means "Happy Birthday Lollli." It made my heart swell to epic proportions.

Later in the day I got a little melancholy, wishing I could talk to my Mom and listen to her tell my birth story. Something about a birthday just calls for a Momma. Shortly, a co-worker peaked around the corner and said.... "Jackie, it's snowing." I ran outside like a two year old..... I truly regress when snow is involved. If I had any self awareness, I'd probably be embarrassed, but I don't and I'm not.... I love snow and am completely clueless at those who don't. I knew without a doubt that those fluffy flakes were sent as a special reminder that she is gone but not forgotten.

To top the day off was a ton of well wishes from friends near and far. I had a spectacular birthday and as Dr. Seuss said about Christmas.....

"It came without ribbons, it came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags."

But it came with a whole lot of heart. It came with a Hoppa Lolli, and snowflakes from heaven and I could not wish for anything more. I love you dear friends and I hope your day was just as magical as mine.  

Fighting the Good Fight

3 years ago today, my Mom passed from this life to her eternal home. My Dad had been in the trenches of her illness long before we knew she was truly ill with something other than dementia or some other condition altering her mental state. When she was finally diagnosed with Lymphoma, I moved in to begin helping.

After she died, my immediate and most pressing concern was my Dad. They had been married for 57 years. I remember telling him..... "Daddy, don't quit on me. Please don't give up."  So often after a spouse dies, the remaining spouse gives up on life and follows shortly thereafter. My greatest fear was that Daddy would no longer have a reason to live. My husband and I continued to live with Dad for several weeks after her passing. We didn't actually move out, I just gradually began taking my clothes home, and spending more nights at our house until Dad was a little more settled. When I took the last suitcase home, the look on his face broke my heart.

I go by every morning before work. He works part time at the funeral home. He loves to work in his yard and takes care of his neighbors yard as well. His days are long and lonely, but he hasn't given up. He hasn't given up because he isn't a quitter. He hasn't given up, because he is still fighting to the good fight.

Today is a hard day, but it would be so much harder if I didn't have a part of Mom still here with me. I don't feel like I've ever lost Mom because as long as I have Daddy, a big chunk of her is still with me.
I love you to the moon and back Daddy... Don't ever forget that.

An Enchanted Day of Whimsy

Last night as I lay in bed reading my book, my husband kept coming in to show me the latest weather forecast, along with the radar. I shooed him away, telling him he was going to jinx my sliver of a hope for snow. I could almost swear Stephens County, Oklahoma has a no snow dome surrounding it. It seems that when snow is predicted, it makes it right up to our county line then.... Notta, zip, Today was a blessed day. During the night, we got barely a dusting. I was pretty certain that was the most we would get. When someone at work mentioned that it was snowing hard, I was elated. Snow brings out my inner child in an almost obnoxious way. I cannot confirm or deny that a snowball was thrown inside the office this morning, and without sounding too much like a Democrat.... "At this point, what difference does it really make?" But I will confirm that my boss heard squealing, came to see what all the fuss was about, only to find me standing on the steps catching flakes. Not sure how much that will advance my future within the company, but  it can never be said that things are boring when I'm in high gear.  I do love it when those around me who are not snow enthusiasts, grant me and my snow shenanigans a measure of grace. What can I say.... Snow sends my ADHD into hyper-drive.  

By noon the roads were pretty bad, and the schools were closing so we got to go home.
I slid into the driveway, flew upstairs for my winter gear (minus one glove) and ran right out the back door with dogs right behind me. One thing I have learned is, if we get snow I better enjoy it while it last, because it's  usually short-lived. The dogs and I romped in the backyard for probably an hour, then I swept the porch and drive. The snow was still coming down so I went over to Daddy's and cleared his and his neighbor's sidewalks and drive. I issued stern warnings not to get out and to call me if they needed anything. When I got home my husband wanted me to take him back to work so our son could have his car for work. When we got to the Honda Shop we had an impromptu two step dance lesson which was really fun. With no customers around, everyone in the shop attempted to find some rhythm and a right foot to go with the twin left feet we were all sporting.

Last but not least, I did what I dread every single year. I got the Christmas tree disassembled (but not put away). During dinner the activities of the day seemed to sneak up on me rendering me almost immobile. Yeah, I'm pretty sure sleeping in tomorrow will be at the top of my "to do" list. Today was day of enchanted whimsy and fun. Being an adult is overrated and every now and again its good to just let loose and enjoy life, That's what having a snow day is all about.... At least for this snowbird.

Stepping Past Dysfunction to Achieve Harmony and Peace

Tonight I was sitting in my living room thinking over the events of the last couple of weeks.... Actually, the last couple of years. I've had a full enjoyable schedule in spite of the stress that comes with the Holidays. I was reflecting on two very similar situations with very different outcomes. I'm not a rocket scientist but one thing I know, if you are in the presence of people who due to their own insecurities, feel and act as if they are superior to those they are around..... There will be no harmony..... Period! If you are in the presence of someone you always have to defer to to keep the peace.... There will never be true peace. Inflated egos, gross insecurities, and lack of rational thought will never foster harmony. NEVER! Harmony cannot co-exist with these traits. It can only be fostered by a spirit of equality and humility. It's hard to see the contrast between the two until you've experienced an atmosphere of constant discord for any length of time, then been removed from it to a place of peace and harmony. When you are around dysfunctional people long enough.... You just learn to live with it, turn the other cheek, or walk on eggshells, and don't poke the bear. It becomes a tiring relationship. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. When you finally take a step back 

from the problem, eventually you begin to see it for what it was..... A strain. Now looking back I can clearly see that it takes more than one person to suck the harmony out of the room. It also takes those surrounding the dysfunctional person to enable them to continue to do so. Do I miss the relationship? Yes. Do I miss the constant dysfunction? Hell no. A memory made in harmony is like a soft warm blanket on a bitterly cold night, and not one I will look back on with mixed emotions..... Just genuine amazement that life is much more peaceful on the other side of dysfunction.   

All I Know

Yesterday poor planning landed me in the eye of the storm which is Walmart. As I attempted to blitz through as quickly as possible, I found myself saying....  "This might require nerve medication, a straight jacket, and a cocktail." Then I remembered that it was time to calm down and remember all reasons I have to be thankful.

I am thankful for salvation, for without it there would be no hope.

I am thankful for grace, for without it there would be no salvation.

I am thankful for my past.... The good, the bad, and the ugly have made me what I am today.... A thankful soul.

I am thankful for my parents, a firm foundation and unconditional love is the beginnings of a happy heart.

I am thankful for my marriage. I love the quote from movie Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade... "Choose, but choose wisely." 35 years ago I did.

I am thankful for my children. Motherhood was truly a dream come true for me. My children  bring me great joy.

I am thankful for my grandchild. There simply are no words to describe how he has completely captivated my heart, and when I have no words, that says a lot.

I am thankful for my job which is simply a pleasure and a blessing.... One I don't take lightly.

I am thankful for my health. The older I get, the more thankful I am.

I am thankful to be able to find the humor in almost anything... Especially myself.

I am thankful for my present. There are a lot of dark paths one can find themselves upon. I've had dark times, dark emotions, but my path has always led me back to the light... For that I am thankful.

There is a line in a song by Matt Wertz, that says.....

"I don't know how your love works,

How it covers me with grace,

I don't know how you swallow all I am, 

when I can't stand my taste.

All I know, is the bleeding in my heart

and the healing of your touch.

All I know, is you gave everything,

So let that be enough.... That's all I know"

I am thankful that when I feel less than, the cross steps in and makes me enough. When I feel betrayed and beaten down, the ointment of his love covers my bleeding wounds. When I feel like a failure, He reminds me that I am a conqueror. When others treat me as if I'm below them, He reminds me that at the foot of the cross, we're all on level ground. When I feel overlooked, He lets me know that He sees me in the wilderness. He sees me in the valley. He sees me through, I may not know everything, but I do know, knowing Him is enough, and for that I am thankful.

That's What I Miss

I stood at the kitchen counter chopping celery and onions. The hum of the convection oven, and the tick-tock of the timer sang in the background. I tossed some chopped celery in the simmering butter on the stove, and went back to the counter and began chopping onions. Riley, my bulldog whined as I chopped... She was out of water. "I know, I know" I told her. I stopped chopping, gave her water, washed my hands and carried the onions over to add to the celery. The smell of the cornbread was starting to fill the kitchen as was the cool of the evening. It was getting dark outside as I stood over the simmering pan of onions and celery..... "Something seems off" I thought to myself. That's when it hit me just how quiet the house was. Besides the simmering of butter and the humming of the oven, the only sound was the clicking of the dogs toenails on the hardwood floor. Awe, it's the holidays that make me miss the pitter-patter of little feet running up and down the stairs. It's the silence that makes me miss the giggles and muffled noises of mischief in progress just beyond my sight. It's in the still of the evening when the sadness of having grown children threatens to wash over me. What am I thankful for tonight?? Tomorrow I'll be surrounded by all of my family and baby kisses. That's what I miss.

She Flooded My Life with Light

I'm assuming every family has one... The one who connects all of the others, the one whom the family revolves around. I remember summers at her house, Christmas around her tree and family dinners when there were more family than room. I called her "Red Ant" because like Mohommad Ali, she could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee except she was a little bitty thing. I used to hate the way she used to wake us up in the morning. She believed sleeping late was for lazy bones and even if it was summer break, that was no excuse just to lay around sleeping your life away. She would bound into our darkened room, clapping her hands and in a sing song voice say "Rise and Shine, Rise and Shine" while throwing open the curtains, allowing the blazing sun to accost our sleepy eyes. She took great delight in this little ritual simply because she knew we dreaded it. I'm pretty sure that by todays standards it would be considered just a few hand claps shy of child abuse. When we were finally awake, she would sweetly ask if we would care for some chocolate gravy and biscuits, which would immediately eradicate, or almost eradicate any ill feelings we harbored about her rude awakening. She called me "Little Jackie LouLou", and her house was like a second home to me even though we lived 2 hours away. Being at Red Aunt's house was just how things were supposed to be. The family would stay up late telling family tales. My cousin and I would sit quietly and listen even though the stories had been told a thousand times. She would wait until everyone was tucked soundly in bed, even if that meant it was 3 a.m., before she whipped out the vacuum and begin to clean... Leaving little triangles on the living room carpet to be found first thing in the morning. I loved to pester her, I loved to shock her with off colored remarks just to see her pale skin blush and watch her mouth fly open in shock. She would laugh and slap at me and say.... "Awe, now LouLou". The last couple of times I visited her, I would hesitantly stick my head in her room to see if she recognized me. She would throw her hands in the air and say..... "Oh, if it isn't Jackie LouLou." We laughed together and she teased that she was going to spank me... "You'll have to catch me first," I told her.  She lived on a country road that dead ended at the pasture that used to be filled with cows.  Her house was down the road from my Grandparents', their houses separated by a huge garden in between. She took care of Grandma and Grandpa until God called them home. After they died, she took care of other elderly family members during their last days. She was the epitome of a care giver. Her hair had turned gray, her steps had become slow and unsteady, but she still had the sparkle that won her the title Red Aunt.... It lay there just beneath the wrinkles that adorned her precious face. After my Mother's funeral, looking into that face was surreal..... Their faces had become even more alike and it felt like home to me.  She was the matriarch of our family and we are a much better family because of her. All of my memories spent at her house will be treasured forever, and she will forever remain a piece of me, and a piece of everyone she touched because she just had a way of coming into your life and throwing the curtains wide open.... Flooding your heart, your life with a little bit of orneriness and a whole lot of light. The world is a darker place without her in it, but heaven has become oh so bright.