Hope Eternal

It’s been one month today since Mom passed away. Oddly, I haven’t yet slowed down to grieve her passing. My main priority has been the emotional well being of my Dad; if that makes me a “Hover Daughter” than so be it. I don’t have the heart to carry on with my life as it nothing has changed in his. I don’t…. and I won’t… End of discussion! I bopped through the office the other morning in pretty good spirits, thinking all was right with the world, when suddenly it wasn’t. I felt my throat begin to constrict, my breathing became labored and tears filled my eyes. I was teetering on the edge of one of the things I hate the most…. A panic attack. The waves of panic continued through the morning until after lunch but thankfully without a complete meltdown. I know my grief is catching up with me and its only a matter of time before the nature of things insist I grieve whether I feel like I have the time and space to grieve or not; it’s a grief thing, which is a life thing, which is to be expected.  When my kids were wee ones and their emotions ran wild, I used to tell them every emotion (anger, frustration, as well as joy and sorrow) is a gift from God. Emotion gives ours our lives texture, contrast and dimension. Without emotions life would be a canvass void of color. During my walks this fall I enjoyed watching the changing of the season up close and personal. As the leaves began to slowly fade and drop to the floor of the woods, the graying bark stood out in extreme contrast to the evergreen background. As I walked through the woods I became excited about what I saw. Although the gray indicated a decline or even death, in the dormant state there was still hope. I knew that physically and spiritually, spring would arrive and green buds would burst from the graying bark bringing forth new life. Death is filled with hope! It’s true in nature and  more so in the spiritual sense…. Death – is – filled – with – hope!!!!!