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Friday, November 16, 2012

Opening Night Wrap Around

Opening day of the dinner theater I once again I found myself on the precipice of one of my cockamamie ideas thinking what the heck I was doing?!The closer it got to the end of the work day, the closer I got to losing my lunch. Just like on the edge of the cable walk, I was thinking what a terrible idea this had been, and why couldn't I just muddle through my mid-life quietly like everyone else! But, I know deep inside, I can't do that because although I'm many things, just like everyone else I'm not! While waiting for curtain call I noticed I felt
unusually close to these people who waited with me. Just a few short weeks ago, I didn't know any of them and even though we didn't really seem to interact much during practice, a bond had slowly formed that now knitted us together in a very unique way.
My mid-life crisis isn't just about my kids being gone, It's  about looking around and seeing how narrow my circle of influence has become. I've surrounded myself with the relationships that I'm most comfy-cozy in and neglected (even refused) to develop any new relationships. I wrap
my close-knit friends around me like a child does a favorite blanket; they make me feel safe, secure and loved. I haven't been interested in knitting new edges to that well-worn blanket because of the time, energy, and the risk of rejection that is ever present. So When I walked into the
audition, I walked in for the purpose of not only expanding myself, but also of knitting some
new scratchy, not so comfy edges to my well-worn blanket. When we walked onto the stage last night, I was pretty proud. Not of myself, but of the newest yarn that had been added to the edges of my blanket. It was definitely different in color and texture as the existing blanket, but the contrast adds an interesting dimension to what has been such a predictable life.

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