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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

A Brand New Class

"The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold cold wet day."

I know...  Why don't we go outside, run around, swim in pond muck, climb wooden walls, maybe jump over some logs and crawl under wire??? Yeah, let's do that! So that is exactly what we did, in sort of a Dr. Seuss, "Cat in the Hat" , kind of way. First of all, let me clarify that I never intended to "run" the mud run. My entire goal was just to make it over the wet wet finish line, all in one piece as opposed to.... hmm, not finishing the race at all, being carried off the course in a little golf cart, or ending up in several broken pieces. Of course, Murphy's Law showed up to ensure the day was cold, windy
and dreary, but he was kind enough to hold the drizzle until I finished the race.  The first feat was a steep, smoke covered
hill and thought to myself.... "You know this could be dangerous." After that,came push ups,a rope thingamajig, crossing a waist deep creek, and then came what I dreaded the most... A wall/rope climb. Let me just say this... I have flimsy arms. Yes, they are flimsy and I know they are, but I just hate arm workouts. I tried and tried, but just couldn't get over that dang wall. There were more scaling of walls, climbing and crawling and of course the pond. It was oh so cold and almost impossible to pull myself out of and onto the platform in the middle. I made it over the platform and back into the water and headed for the shore. I crawled to shore where the mud sucked me into itself and didn't want to let me go. To be honest, the mud was warm and cozy compared to the pond and the thought of just laying there in the mud until someone came to cart me home
was starting to sound pretty good. Finally I managed to hoist myself to a standing a position and detach my feet from the muck with both my shoes intact, but my contacts not so much. One contact lay on my cheek. I brushed it off and continued the race like a one eyed bandit. As I  ran, crawled, climbed, pushed and pulled, I looked behind me to a military guy who was doing his first mud race. "Dude, your face it totally purple!" In a wheezy voice he assured me he was doing fine. The three of us (my husband, the military guy and myself) soldiered on to the mud mountain/water slide finish line. Climbing the mountain of mud was EXACTLY like swimming in glue. With a helping hand from the ex-military guy, I made it to the top and hurled myself head first down the slip-n-slide to the muddy pool of water beneath. Just 20 more steps and my goal would be
reached, but the mud was like walking on ice. Again the military guy reached out a hand and steadying ourselves we staggered across the finish line battered, bruised,and totally exhausted. My Bionic Man, with his brand new hips, finished the race in true Patterson form, several seconds ahead of me and without ever skipping a beat. Have you ever seen those pictures of people crossing the finish line with a big smile on their face.... Yeah, that was not me. I didn't do it pretty and I didn't do it fast, but by gosh I did it without even breaking a nail!!! I think I'll suggest they add a new class for next years race. It might give me a chance to win something other than last place.

Under 30 yr. class ....
Over 50 yr. class...
Don't break a nail or smear the lip gloss class...

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