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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Sugarcoated Memories

The other day my Dad and I were discussing the coping skills God gives us when we need it most.. During our darkest moments, he give us the strength to persevere.  We are capable of doing things we never thought possible. There have been events in my life that I have tucked into a safely guarded part of  my heart... Sometimes knowingly, sometimes not.  I can retrieve just enough of these events without touching the visceral emotion associated with them. This place is reserved for the events that aren't emotionally safe for me to examine up close and personal because they are just too painful. Recently I accidentally opened one of the  heart compartments without the safeguards I usually remember it in.  I sat there and  stared at the hardcore uncut version. I was SHOCKED, completely shocked at the pain I felt.... How did I manage?   In that moment I realized that I had previously only seen the sugarcoated memory. I had never really taken a step back and looked at it in it's truest form..... And now I know why. God gives us the strength and grace to get through whatever we need to go through. There have been times I have felt as though I survived by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin, but at least I survived.  I think God intended for me to get a glimpse of the raw version of the event, so I could understand exactly how much pain I experienced, and exactly how much grace it took to get me though. It was his way of saying..... "You don't want to go back there." I've tucked the memory back into it's guarded compartment (doubled the locks this time) with an understanding of how much God loves me and how blessed I am. Note to self, don't take God's grace for granted. 

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