Therapeutic musings mixed with humorous ramblings and sometimes spiritual notations of life as I know it in written form. A diary of my heart inspired by life.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
With a Thankful Heart
As I sit here on the eve of Thanksgiving, my mind recalls the difficulty of the year that is almost gone. One year ago tonight, I knew there would be challenges in store. We had just discovered Mom had a mass, but we didn't know what that would mean. I knew in my heart, this would be the last Thanksgiving I shared with her, but I could not predict the difficulties and losses that lay ahead. Over the next several months, I lost not only my Mom, but several good friends. I saw others around me suffer unimaginable losses. I was certainly not alone in my struggles. In addition to the loss of loved ones, it was announced the company I worked for was selling, with all indications pointing to yet another loss... that of my job. The first 6 months of 2014 was marked with numerous funerals and constant uncertainty, and watching the heartbreaking grief my Father endured on a daily bases from the loss of the woman who had been the love of his life for 57 years. During those months, I felt like I had completely dropped off God's radar. Did he see my tears, did he know my pain? Event after event undermined my confidence and caused me to doubt myself in many ways. I felt alone, misunderstood, and faced hurtful criticism from unlikely sources. I believed my failures, on so many levels, far outweighed my worth. In the middle of my struggle, positive things began to happen and the cloud began to lift. The last couple of months, many of the clouds have parted. Tonight I look back on the last year with a heart overflowing with thankfulness. I've seen the light come back into my Daddy's eyes, I've been blessed with a precious grandson, and God has provided me with a new job that I absolutely love. Sure, I still have stuff that threatens my peace, and wounds that need to heal, but nothing will keep me from celebrating the good in my life with a thankful heart. May forgiveness and mercy penetrate the wounds that remain and cover our hearts with unfathomable love.