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Friday, November 7, 2014

I Will Miss You

I was all alone as I wondered from room to room.  It was my last walk through of the house we had poured our heart and soul into.  When we bought it, it was a non-descript house on the corner.  After 13 years, it looked like a gingerbread cottage, a doll house.  I walked into the laundry room and looked out the window into the backyard at the pool we had spent many  a summer in.  "I WILL MISS YOU" was written on the window seal in black magic marker and childish chunky letters.  I recognized the handwriting of my oldest son.  He cried so hard the night before, we spent another night in the only place he had known as home.  He had roots in that house and we were ripping him away.... Roots and all. We had brought all three of our babies home to this house.  When I saw the note message on the seal, my heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest leaving a gapping wound. I felt like I was  leaving a chunk of myself behind.  We had worked endless weekends, laughed a million times, cried a river of tears, and became a family in that house.  He wasn't moving by choice,  he was moving due to a decision made by his father and I.  We love old houses and were taking a bit of a challenge by purchasing "The Castle House" we had admired for years.  Although the move was upsetting the children, I was confident they would put down roots in the new old house, and we had the rest of our lives to fill it with memories of growing up and moving on....   That was my hope.
Today I boxed up my pink, blingy stapler, my stiletto tape dispense and my pink flowered pencil holder.  I start a new job next week.  The feeling I have in my gut is exactly the feeling I had when I looked down and saw the sad message on the window seal.  I've been here for over 7 years.  When I first came, I was a tiny fish in a new pond... Slowly that began to change and I formed relationships with a whole group of wonderful people.  Now I am leaving and it's not by choice.  I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest leaving me with a gapping open wound.  I keep telling myself that I will put down new roots at my new job....  I keep telling myself that I will form new relationships with a group of wonderful people.... Yes, that is what I'm telling myself, but all my heart is saying is.... "I WILL MISS YOU".

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