Riding on a Bubble

When I got home at lunch, I slipped out of my high heels, grabbed a bottle of bubbles left over from the weekend and sat on my front porch. It's hard to believe it's July with the temperature in the 70's, an overcast sky and no wind. I blew strings of iridescent bubbles and watched as they floated and swirled, this way and that way without a care in the world. I imagined all of my fears and every whispered prayer riding the bubbles to an ear far, far away, yet oh so very near.

Psalm 141

A psalm of David.

¹ I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me;
    hear me when I call to you.
² May my prayer be set before you like incense;
    may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

Until Death Do They Meet Again.

Today would have been Mom and Dad's 57th wedding anniversary. I think being without her is getting more difficult instead of easier. Although I would if I could, I can't seem to make the hurt go away. I guess he will hurt until death do they meet again. Love you Momma, sorry you are gone.

The Despondent Christian and The Broom Bush

This is a Broom Bush

How was your 4th of July?? Mine was spent with me curled up in the fetal position numb from the reality that my reality has taken a drastic change (relax, my marriage is fine). I'm not a pessimist, I'm more of a realist. I don't like facts sugar coated to give me a false sense of security. I was born on Thursday, in church on Sunday and spent the majority of my childhood sleeping under pews (and my early adulthood sleeping on them... Ha Ha, just kidding). During my younger years my faith was undeterred by the twist and turns life led me down. I remember a particularly traumatic trial we faced years ago. I faced it by coming home for lunch and planting my face in the floor, completely broken and crying out to God. God did what God does, and years later he lifted the veil so I could see why my prayers had not been answered according to my wishes. I was humbled that he had chosen me and our family to fulfill his purpose in such a way, even though it meant many sleepless nights, rivers of tears, and a lot of resentment in the the beginning. This week has been one of the most difficult weeks I've had since that time. It's been the kind of week where circumstances leave me feeling completely despondent. I feel too hopeless to pray and it seems like my prayers bounce right off the ceiling and back into my lap. I know "good Christians" aren't suppose to admit to feelings of hopelessness, but I've never claimed to be one of those. Have you ever had time in your life when you didn't think you could put one more foot in front of the other, fake one more smile or simply hold your tongue? Well, that's where I'm at. I am scared and I'm tired, and I don't feel like once again picking myself up, dusting myself off only to begin another crisis. This is definitely going to have to be a foot prints in the sand kind of miracle, because I don't have the strength for one more loss, the strength to face another ranging storm or the need to go back and start over at the back of the pack. Disposable, that's how I feel; tossed aside, no longer valued and easily forgotten for a plethora of reasons. Op, op, op... (That's what we say when we are kind of getting onto the dogs, it's what my husbands Dad used to say to his dogs) Before you judge me go back and read I Kings 18 & 19. I'm not the only Christian to ever wander in the wilderness; in fact there have been many (hello, Children of Israel). Elijah, a prophet who called fire down from heaven, found himself curled up in the fetal position (well the Bible doesn't actually specify he was in the fetal position, but if I know anything about being despondent, he definitely was) under a broom bush in the middle of the wilderness AFTER a miraculous experience of God's power. I'm in good company and probably if we could all be honest for a second, we've all been there, done that. I know it's often looked at as a big no-no in the Christian world, but I also believe that God wired us with emotions and understands that in our human state, we will be less than perfect and have days when we feel.... Despondent.... I know he loves me (I grew up singing that song). I know he'll carry me through and although it may  not be a pleasant ride it's one I'll come out on the other side. I believe at some point I can look back at the big picture that right now is hidden from my eyes and say "Oh, now I get it." Yes, God loves even the angry despondent Christian who is sitting in the wilderness just waiting to be served lunch by angels and waiting to hear the gentle whisper.... "It's going to be okay, you are by no means alone."

Take a peek at human nature vs. the nurture of God.....(go back and read chapter 18 for kicks and giggles to illustrate just how fickle our faith can be).

I Kings 19
³ Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, ⁴ while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” ⁵ Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. (This is so me right now).
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” ⁶ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

¹¹ The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. (I love that... A gentle whisper). ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

The Road Less Traveled

Do not expect words of wisdom when speaking to a fool.

Do not expect knowledge when arguing with the ignorant.

Do not expect compassion from one who has never suffered.

Do not expect understanding from one who has never walked your path.

One cannot give what they do not have, they cannot teach what they do not know, and they cannot empathize with what they have not experienced.

The character and integrity possessed by the wise, the knowledgeable, and the compassionate, come by working your way through the grit of daily trials with nothing and no one to rely on but your own hard work and perseverance. In today's world it is known as the road less traveled.

Memories to Have and to Hold

I sat in the church and took in the purplish blue hue that graced the back drop of the stage.  Last week I  had done the same in a different setting for a different couple. My weekends for the month of June have been a parade of celebrations and parties, coupled with congratulatory hugs and well wishes. We've had birthdays, sprinkled with holidays, showers and weddings, now all just memories tucked into a deep pocket of my heart where I lock up my treasures. The boys that once ran ruckus through my house, with tousled hair and bare feet, stood before family and friends promising... "To have and to hold until death do us part." A part of me wanted to object (because they used to give guest that option), but instead I sat and wondered.... "How did they grow up so fast?" You blink your eye and they're gone, moved on without you, living adult lives when in my heart I still see them as barefoot kids, or teenagers who are up to their eyeballs in mischief. They were and are a fun bunch and I couldn't be more proud than if I had given birth to each and every one of them.  The lives of these boys wove together into a practical sort of fabric where every thread crossed and recrossed through school, work and marriage, embroidering connections impossible to ignore and creating a tapestry of great beauty and endless worth.

Head Banging Good Time

This month has been the fun stuff of life, weddings, showers, births and birthdays. This weekend I went to my Red Aunt’s 90^th birthday party. At 90, she is still as spunky as her legs allow her to be. I was sitting at the end of the table eating birthday cake with her…. “How did you talk them into letting you leave the assisted living home for several hours today Auntie?”  I asked. She waved a dismissive hand, shrugged and said… “Oh,they’ve gotten where they pretty much let me comeand go as I please.”  I laughed and then I took the opening and walked right on in. “Yeah, that’s what I hear.”  I said with my eyebrows cocked and a big grin on my face….  She gave me that big ole shocked look she has, slapped at my hand and laughed….  “You heard that about did you?”  Seems like my 90-year-old aunt, who insisted her legs were too tired to walk to the dining area to eat with the other

She looks like an angel here

residents, took it upon herself in a moment of sudden spryness to make a break for it, striking out across the pasture which backs up to the facility. Half way through the pasture they called out to her… “Doris, is that you?” She looked over her shoulder than picked up speed. When they got her back to her room she acted like nothing had happened when my cousin arrived to investigate. She’s a sly one for sure.  We had a head banging good day… The good part was intentional, the head banging was not.

Choo Choo That's Who

(disclaimer.... Multiple grammar errors, run-on sentences can be expected)
You know how guitar players have that ugly guitar face that in some circles might be considered cool looking, but to everyone else it just looks like a face you would never want to be seen in public? Lucky for me, I have an ugly golf face that is seldom seen because I rarely play golf. Well, I take that back, I play at least once a year whether I need to or not and that is during the annual company golf scramble. I know!! Lucky, lucky team that gets stuck with me and my ugly golf face which only gets used when I actually do something right and that rarely happens to me in general and especially not on the golf course, but apparently it happened once this year and yea me the photographer just happened to catch it in all its glory. Also amazing is…. The girl who never wins anything (that would be me)

My lucky, lucky team

won the title “closest to the hole” for the women. I have no idea how that happened…

Professional golf shoes

Must have been my golf shoes. The golf scramble is the one time a year when all of the people in the office are co-mingled with the guys in the field. It’s a nice chance to put faces to the names you hear and see all the time. Working in

Marge -n- Me

the office, we miss out on all of the shenanigans that goes on in the field. We hear stories, but things in the office are very uneventful. I try to mix things up as much as possible, but in a department full of Engineers, it’s like… Well, there really isn’t a good way to explain it, except things are very reserved in a… Well… A snooze-fest kind of way.  Not because they are boring, just because we are so busy (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Who has time for practical jokes and shenanigans and such? BUT if there are shenanigans going on, you bet I want to be right in the middle of them which is why I was so disappointed that I didn’t get included in a pre-golf shenanigan aimed at one of our foreman (who I’ve shenaniganed with before) and who is famous for digging himself holes he can't seem to crawl out of. In fact I believe people have gifted him a shovel or two because he keeps wearing his out. A few days before the scramble he was presented with a gold plastic golf set (child size). Oh man!!! Why hadn’t I thought of that. The benevolent being who gifted him the golden set was anonymous and unbeknownst to me as to why, he suspected I had done the honors (if only I had). All would have been fine and dandy if he had left it atthat, but later in the day, I received a rambling email addressed to me and several others where he actually…. Well, I’m not sure exactly what he was trying to say (we had several try to decipher the ramblings), but its safe to say “The trash talking” had officially began, it included me (specifically), and much like Isoroku Yamamoto’s quote regarding Japan attacking Pearl Harbor, all he did was “awaken the sleeping giant”… So let the shenanigans begin.  I was able to obtain some “insider” information, which got the wheels a rollin.  All I had to go on was he had a

Choo Choo's big rig

favorite saying “As all of you know it is hard to build a railroad when some individuals are hollering whoa!!”, which had earned him the new nick name of “Choo Choo”. The deciding factor was… He wasn’t happy about how sticky the new nick name was. It seemed the name “Choo Choo” had taken off like a steamroller on steroids. Now, all of the guys in the field were calling him “Choo Choo”. How convenient for me. He rolled out of his truck at the scramble to find his very own “Choo Choo” as well as multiple different signs at several
tee boxes with train jokes and other silly things. He even had his very own Thomas the Train riding toy on his first hole, that I noticed he carried around in his cart all day long. An added bonus was all of the Choo Choo hoots and hollers that were heard throughout the day (yes I believe someone had a train whistle). In his rambling email he instructed….

“Jackie if you notice the dog is on the front porch and like we always say if you can’t run with the big dog’s stay on the porch. (that goes for golf also)”

To which I respond….