Therapeutic musings mixed with humorous ramblings and sometimes spiritual notations of life as I know it in written form. A diary of my heart inspired by life.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
People Pleasers Pain
Like most people pleasers, when I love, I love with my whole being, without restraints. When I give, I do so without strings attached. My intention is to speak kindly to others and to leave them feeling better instead of worse. My ultimate goal is to bring a smile to others by extending a smile first and if given half a chance, I love to make people laugh or at the very least make them stifle a chuckle. Nothing makes this people pleaser happier than that. I am aware that not everyone is a people pleaser and not everyone has the same relationship goals. This realization gives me two choices, I can hold back and not invest in relationships, avoiding disappointments, or I can throw caution to the wind and jump in with both feet expecting nothing in return and being pleasantly surprised when others love me back. I'm an all or nothing person who is terrible at holding back. Jumping in full throttle with people has paid off in spades. The down side to being a people pleaser is... It's exhausting.
Jumping through firey hoops day in and day out can be a thankless position. But, that's the way we're wired so if the shoe fits, don't complain about the pain. People pleaser want to be everything to every person which is an impossible task. And even though it is always my deepest intention to not expect anything in return, it's human nature to want relationships to be a two way street. When they're not, the disappointment is devastating. Another hurdle to being a people pleaser is.... We don't get as many passes as our moody or explosive counterparts. If a people pleaser is pushed to the brink, having a bad day, and cops an attitude, it isn't brushed off with an... "Oh you know how she is." No, people pleasers feet are held to the fire. They aren't allowed to play the hot head, crazy, or misunderstood card... Ever! That's unfortunate. It doesn't happen often, but occasionally the frustrated struggle of our happy exterior, falls away revealing the fact that our immediate point or need is worthy of being emphasized in a manner that isn't as warm and fuzzy as is our usual manner. You can feel the oxygen being sucked from the room when a people pleaser stands up for themselves. A hot head can rant and rave until the cows come home and no one will bat an eye. It's a double standard that seems unfair. Every time I think about reigning in my people pleasing traits, I look down to find myself in really cute galoshes and a blinged out life vest wading into the tidal wave of friendship once again. I go in fully aware that the waves may sweep me and all of my good intentions to the bottom of the ocean floor. But the possibility that I could make a new friend, or a difference in someone's life, is worth the risk.