Embrace The Journey

I worked for a doctor for 9 years. I had a good friend that also worked for a doctor. One of our favorite past times was re-telling our office stories. The stories where old people vividly described to us their bladder problems, their colon problems and every other type of problem you can imagine. I actually had a 90 year old man come in the office on the day we were closed (I was doing insurance stuff) and begin to describe in detail why the doctor needed to give him a stronger sample of a certain little blue pill because things just didn't get worked up enough with the ones he gave him!!!! 90 years old!!!!! I used to tell my husband, when I came to the place that my world revolved around my colon or any other intestinal area, please just shoot me. Apparently he wasn't listening to that request because I'd be one dead Indian if he had. Like I said before, getting old certainly does suck in many if not most ways. A couple of years ago I stumbled upon a book titled "How Not To Look Old" by Charla Krupp. I love that book!!! So for all of my 40 something girlfriends that's what they get for their birthday.... A book on how not to look old. Probably the saddest part about it is everyone of them has been tickled pink to get it. Who would have thought? This month was my birthday and last weekend one of my friends dropped by the house to give me my present. I opened the sack to find.... deep breath.... a container of Progesterone Cream. She absolutely swears by it! She says it helps her moods, it helps her attitude and several other things that will go unmentioned. I was tickled pink!!! Anything that claims to help my mood or attitude sounds like a good deal to me. Of course the homemade Cinnamon rolls she tucked into the bottom of the sack help my mood too until they start showing up with an attitude on my thighs. This week I scrapbooked with some friends at church. Scrapbooking is such a messy hobby and it's more fun to do it in the group. We were having a great time swapping pregnancy stories, talking about our kids, and then we came to... Our female problems. Good Lord!! You get a bunch of women telling each other the horrors of what happens to your body when things start changing and there is not end to the conversation. Well, that is until someones husband quietly walks into the room as yours truly happens to be the one sharing my lasted system failure. When I looked up and saw him standing there with a great big grin on his face I wanted to hide under the table. His face totally lit up at my reaction and he took off bragging about how great his system worked.... almost too well. It would have been hysterical if it hadn't been so humiliating. So this morning, driving to work I was thinking about the book, the cream and the conversation and to my horror I thought... OMG!!!! I'm there! I'm actually where I never wanted to be. The only comforting thing about being here is all of my friends are here too, so it's not like I'm alone, but still. We all started out on our journey with young kids who are now out on their own.The next leg of the journey may not have the sense of awe the first half had, but as long as we're in it together we'll certainly make it entertaining.... Even if it is at each others expense.

Another Place And Time

Another place and time.....
created just for me
Another dimension.......
to my diminishing reality
A chance to reacquaint myself.....
with who I am today
A distant vague reminder.......
of the things I do and say
A second chance to capture.....
The fragrance of my mind
The voice so gently calling......

A voice I hear as mine
An ever present whisper.....
Of decisions of the past
And all the links and impact.....
Eternity shall last
Forever in the spirit.....
Beyond this place and time
The truest sense of wonderment.....
Forever in my eyes
With the highest admiration.....
Of who I am and why
I seek with earnest fervor.....
Till all doubt and fear subside

Broken People

One of my favorite authors is Beth Moore. I've done several of her bible studies and few people can break things down to real life like she can. She is animated and hysterically funny because she is so female. A friend sent me a text yesterday saying she had just started her new book titled "So Long Insecurity, You've Been A Bad Friend". I don't typically consider myself insecure, or let me say any more insecure than most woman. But let's face it, women deal with a lot of stuff. Some of the stuff comes from our childhood, some of it comes from being a woman. Some women cover their stuff up with arrogance and pride, while others cover their stuff up with shyness and impenetrable walls they've built around them. Some of us boldly display our stuff right out there in the open, others hide it deep inside, and others pretend that they don't even have stuff or had it and have totally overcame it. Yep, we've all got our stuff and we've all got our ways of dealing with the stuff we got. I downloaded the book onto my blackberry and I'm only on like the 2nd or 3rd chapter, but I highly recommend it to every woman, I can just tell it's going to hit the nail on the head and help me where I hurt. I'm not paralyzed with insecurity, but after reading a couple of chapters I know that I have enough that it hinders me from being the person God made me to be. I'd like a little help getting past my stuff so that I can get on to the next thing he has for me. I'm certainly not going to hesitate to reach out for help in being a better woman, wife, mother or christian. After all a big part of my personality is to fix things (usually things that I myself have broken or caused to be broken), some times I feel like I should be able to fix other people but the truth of the matter is I have to fix myself before I can help someone else. I've said this before, we are all broken people being put back together by a loving God.

A Guide Of Where Not To Go In China

My Daughter and her friend had signed up for a mainland China tour. The fact that they were the only two who had signed up for it should have been a clue. From the pier they took a bus to a train station, when they got to the border they had to go through immigration - that just wasn't much fun! Since they came in on a Naval ship they did not get a passport stamp in Hong Kong, so immigration were like "how did you get here???", their tour guide was Chinese so he could explain everything and got them through. The first place they stopped was Shenzhen, China to a park that had mangrove trees. While the tour guide was talking about the trees, a group of people started gathering around the group looking at the girls really strange. They were talking to the guide in Chinese. The guide explained to the girls that they were a poor farming family that had come to the city for the Chinese New Year and the girls were the first white people that they had ever seen. My daughter and her friend were completely amazed by their reaction. The children that were with them, were looking at the girls with their mouths open and when they were leaving they would come up to them and poke them and touch them. It was a very unusual experience. The next stop was a museum. This museum had the famous terracotta warriors and horses. My daughter got to touch what they call the "8th wonder of the world" and after a good scolding in Chinese she realized that was a BIG no no. From the museum they went to mall where they could look around for a couple of hours and then meet up later with the group to go back to Hong Kong. Well... they called it a "mall" but my daughter described it as "scary". It was a 8-10 story building with no heat. Apparently there isn't heal in Hong Kong or China except for the really nice hotels. People just wore gloves and coats inside. Anyway the the mall had teeny tiny (No bigger than your bathroom) shops just one right after the other. The shops all sold the exact same stuff, t-shirts, purses, belts, watches none of which had any quality. The owners of the shops sat outside their store and tried to get them to come in so they were constantly bombarded. There were a lot of beggars there that followed them for hours because they had nothing better to do. Even after the girls gave them money they continued to follow them around. This mall was NOT in a touristy area and the girls became increasingly more uncomfortable as they were they only Americans around and everyone spoke only Chinese. Because they were on a group visa they couldn't go back, they had to wait for the entire group. My daughter describes it like the Tom Hanks character in Big, where he goes to the city and is in this crappy hotel and he is so scared he just curls up in a ball and cries. She said that is exactly what she felt like. Coming back into Hong Kong proved to be more of a challenge than leaving. They got stuck again in immigration and both girls were taken back into the interrogation room. There were together so she says it wasn't too bad but from a Mother's perspective, and after seeing the movie Broke Down Palace, I'm glad I didn't know about it until after the fact. They asked them questions... Where they were from.... What ship were they on.... How long were they going to be in Hong Kong. The girls really thought they were not going to be allowed to go back through. Her words exactly are "I'll never go back - EVER". The entire time she was there she said she felt like there was a dark cloud over them, like it was evil. She said she couldn't really describe it and maybe it's because it's communist, but it seemed like a very sad country.

Freezing in Hong Kong

I got an email from my Daughter today about her experience in Hong Kong. Apparently she wasn't as thrilled with it as she was her last couple of ports as she is incredibly homesick and tired and just ready to be back in the good ole USA!!! When they pulled into Hong Kong they pulled in with the entire battle group, and had to anchor out in the harbor. In order to get off the ship, they literally had to climb down and get into a little boat that would take them to the pier. The little boats were called liberty boats and they were basically Chinese water taxis. The boats were pretty small (about 60 passengers) and really nasty because the drivers lived on them. They would cook on little hot plates and it would make the boat stink to high heaven. The combination of the smell and huge swells made a lot of the crew sea sick including my daughter. It was a 30 minute ride to the pier. The Navy set up a building on Fenwick Pier and that is where the liberty boats dropped them off. From the pier they took a taxi or met up for tours. The weather was freezing cold. Since most on the ship were not prepared for cold weather the first thing my daughter and some friends did was go to a mall to purchase warm clothes. From there they went to Outback Steak House for American food which she described as wonderful, then to a couple of pubs and back to the ship.

The Edge of Silence

Standing on the edge of silence

Knowing that I don't belong

Wanting more than any longing

To hear your voice...

To hear our song

Waiting for the clouds to lighten

Waiting for the storm to pass

Hoping all the fears of losing

Something far beyond my grasp

Are nothing more than dreams that torment

Pierce my heart and scar my mind

Of all that lies ahead tomorrow

And all I wish was left behind

Regardless of the cost or reason

Regardless of the truth I know

Whenever your arms are tight around me

Your love does penetrate my soul

And ever shall I hold to memory

Your touch, your smile, your warmth, your smell

And forevermore be captivated

By this that I shall never tell

Less Is Sometimes More

I know it's a fast paced world and the mind set has changed over the last several years. All of society seems to make me believe I need more.... more fries with that Burger, a larger drink with those fries, more things for my house, more electronics to run my television sets, and stereos, computers... But in some cases there are just some things I can't get enough of. Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha for example.... Coney Islander.... Shoes (well we'll leave that one out of this example)... The things that I truly enjoy and can never get enough of... I also never want to take them for granted. So instead of having a White Chocolate Mocha every day before work, I limit it to once a week as a reward. Having that light at the end of my tunnel makes the tunnel not so dark. I don't live in Tulsa anymore but if I did, I would have to do the same thing with Coney Islander. There are just some things in life that are so special to me I don't ever want them to stop being special so I have to limit myself. Not for lack of desire, not for lack of need and not for lack of access, but purely for the sake of keeping that which is special, special. Because more isn't always better and truly where some things are concerned less is sometimes more..... much more.